january: writer reflection

photo (1)

By: Ashley Duffalo

I was standing in the golf course opposite my apartment building looking at the traces left behind in the snow. I imagined a scene where all the skiers, sledders and hikers who made these marks were inhabiting the slope together at once, like the foreboding chaos of a Bruegel painting. This was my first Field Guide excursion into an unknown corner of my new universe—a private country club turned public park over the winter months.

As my mid-month reflection for Living Chapters I thought I’d share some observations I wrote down after my walk taken on Saturday, January 5th. I hope they’ll give you some sense of my new found place and transport you temporarily to St. Paul, Minnesota.

***

I felt like Alice in Wonderland passing through the gate and climbing up a steep hill into unfamiliar territory. The sun was bright and it was one of those radiant winter days that helps make this season bearable in Minnesota. Needless to say it was cold, even colder than normal with the Polar Vortex on its way. There was not a cloud in the sky, it’s blue was warm and gem like, and the white desert of snow reflected so much light it took a few moments to adjust my eyes.

The first thing I noticed: there were tracks everywhere—bootprints, ski paths, and sled grooves—with the densest overlay on the large hill, the prime sledding spot. Although no one was out playing today I decided to walk away from where the action would normally be found and descended down a series of undulating hills. I came across a partially frozen stream filled with brown autumn leaves that held a perfectly preserved dead frog, floating belly up to expose its pearlescent white skin. Time seemed to stand still here, if it weren’t for the run of water that cascaded from pool to pool to remind me that time and earth are always moving.

The landscape was full of bumps and valleys unlike most of the flattened prairie land around here. WIth the snow cover it was easy to forget that this topography was artificially created to give way to long fairways and challenging par fives. The white underfoot was uneven, sometimes hard enough to support my weight other times I crunched through the top crust into the powdery stuff below.

The other blue that caught my attention was a cooler, more purplish one, found in the shadows cast by the trees. The silhouettes barely captured the intricacy of the branches. One tree’s veiny bramble brought to mind the delicate outline of flora found in Leonardo da Vinci’s portrait of Ginevra de Benci that I had been looking at earlier after reading a passage by Rebecca Solnit, who referenced it in her Field Guide to Getting Lost.

If I were to account for the sounds I heard, a sensory experience that admittedly is less developed for me than the visual experience, I took note of the distant and constant drone of traffic, my own breath and footsteps in the snow, and the wind blowing into my faux fur-lined hood whirling around my ear canal.

If I turned south, the wind was at my back and it was warmer, thus I set off in that direction to climb another hill. My reward at the top was a small igloo, the exterior of which was made hard and glassy-looking from the elements. So much so that it almost appeared to be a permanent structure made of some futuristic material. I sat inside this cozy cave, protected, staring out towards my living room window before heading home.

1/17/14

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january: wild card

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During the time that I began to know Beth, she was immersed in a number of projects in Baltimore. These included: “Speaking of Silence”, “Middle East Baltimore Stories”, and “Remington Youth Community Radio” . These endeavors centered around uncovering voices and stories that had been purposely silenced or ignored as unimportant, or they were designed to give an outlet for those who don’t normally get to share themselves. I remember spending time with Beth and plunging into questions around how these topics and people had been marginalized and silenced. Something that I realized about Beth, was that as she was undertaking these projects, she was forging a connection to place, which helped to create an even deeper feeling of home for her in Baltimore.

This month you have been asked to investigate your new home of St Croix and share some of the things that you see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. As you make new discoveries, you are connecting in different ways with your new environment.

For this month’s wildcard I would like to combine this exploration of your new environment, with the exploration of silence and marginalization. As part of your discovery process you have been instructed to conduct three interviews. During one of these interviews I would like you to try and interview a Crucian. Along with the general questions you ask about the area that will help in completing your field guide, I would like you to delve into some questions that will uncover something hidden within the fabric of life on the island. This could be linked to the environment, culture, history, etc.. but must uncover something that has been marginalized or silenced (possible examples: crucian language and people, agricultural resurgence, cultural heritage, diversity of climate, water scarcity, bio-luminescent bays, hovensa oil refinery). As this uncovering process helped you during your Baltimore projects, the goal is that this exploration of silence on St Croix will be a way for you to discover the depth of your new home, and possibly even uncover a creative project or interest for you there in the future.

As your field guide continues and as you use one interview to uncover something hidden about your new home, I would also ask that you take one photo per day of something that makes you feel at home there and to publish at least five of these at the end of the month on the living chapters website. You can add short captions to each one or leave them to speak for themselves.

As a final link between home and silence: try to take ten minutes per day (you are welcome to extend the length if time allows) for yourself where you calm your mind in your new environment and just breath and relax. I know that in previous chapters you have been asked to take on similar awareness exercises, and this is just a small continuation and reminder of that, as I know from my own life that when I am moving around and adjusting to new places, I forget to take this time for me, and have to be reminded to do so.

It is clear that there is much happening with your settlement on St. Croix (long plane rides, unfinished living space, remote roads, hindered communications and/or internet). Don’t let this month’s chapter or additional wildcard challenge overwhelm or add difficulty to your life. Instead, continue to adapt to each moment as you have before to see what it holds for you and how it can further your integration there.

As this is a busy time with adaptation and logistical considerations, let this also be a time of exploration, awareness and relaxation .

This chapter has set a direction and goals for you this month………but reaching the destination, as always, is not the important thing….

1/15/2014

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on “Her” island by the sea

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At the start of this new year I was ready to dive head first into island exploration, with my blank field note-book in hand, I was prepared to record – stories to hear, places to visit, food to eat, and people to meet. St. Croix is only 28 miles long by 7 miles wide. Being a relatively small island, I was sure I would have no problem creating my own field guide in four weeks time. Well its now 12 days into January and I am quickly realizing that even with an appetite for exploration, I did not calculate “Island time” into my preplanned schedule. It took us the first week of this month to even arrive on site, I should have known that it might take a little longer to settle in and branch out into exploration mode.

Unlike prior vacation visits, this time we are setting up a new home at the end of a very long and bumpy dirt road in the tropics. There are many other things that needed to be attended to first before new exploration. Basic survival was number one on the list – figuring out how to eat, where to sleep, how to get around, and how to live among a new community. Simple adjustments need to be made to understand the different, geography, climate, communication patterns, access to technology and transportation. Making all these changes in a short period of time can feel like strenuous exploration in itself. At times this past week, this initial adventuring has left me feeling a bit overwhelmed.

But in those stressful moments its best to banish panic and doubt and simply remind myself that this is the year of letting go of past patterns and taking on new challenges. I wanted to push my comfort zone this year and this move is certainly doing it. In transition times like these there is nothing more important than keeping a healthy, positive, and peaceful mindset. The best way that I can accomplish this is by starting exploration in my immediate environment from where I am and slowly radiating outward.

The house we are living in is a beautiful construction site being put together piece by piece, day by day. It is nestled on the side of steep hill on the north side of the island close to the rainforest. The view is spectacular overlooking St. Thomas and St John Islands in the distance. The house is like an island in itself separated from the rest of the island. Even with a four-wheel drive vehicle it is difficult to navigate to and from the house to other places on the island.

With this in mind I decided to start exploring my own personal island in this new environment. The first exploration was the house itself – where will we eat? Where will we sleep? And when the construction inside home is too much where will we find refuge? Ashley’s simple suggestion of taking walks this month to get acquainted with the environment was the perfect excuse to get to know my own backyard.

My first walk upon arriving was into the overgrown garden in the backyard. I started photographing the plants, trees and flowers that I saw with every step there was something new to see and learn about. On my second outing, Grace Lichtner my new housemate and former Living Chapter’s player, accompanied me retracing the same garden path. Grace is almost 10, game for exploration and full of knowledge on plant and animal life, a perfect partner in creating a field guide. She helped me learn the names of the flowers and trees that I had photographed the day before. We made up new names for the ones she didn’t know and took notes on what we thought the plants might be good for. This time we walked further down the path than I had gone before but returned when the sun started to set and our stomachs started to growl for dinner.

Grace and both her parents, Mike and Agnes accompanied me on the third walk on the garden path. Together we went just a little bit further and discovered a star fruit tree at the end of the path as well as an opening to the road leading to the ocean below. 15 minutes later winding down a zig-zagging nearly vertical road we reached the beach for our first visit with the sun, sand and surf. We marked the adventure by collecting coral and rocks from the beach to take home to the house island. This felt like the first accomplishment in true exploration, a bridge to the outer circle of the island and the first path of many to chart for the field guide.

1/12/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

escape to the tropics

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We left Western Maryland with a one-way ticket in hand to the tropics. What could go wrong? Well… a lot if you say something like “what could go wrong?” I’ve learned to never utter words like that when leaving on a trip to go anywhere. However I found myself breaking this unspoken rule and subsequently a pawn in the musical airplane game that the east coast plays when caught amidst a winter storm.

It took us four days in total to finally reach St. Croix (a trip that normally doesn’t take more than 10 hours by plane). I did say I wanted an adventure, I just didn’t realize it would start before reaching the island.

I actually don’t mind traveling and airports in general. I find them to be fascinating places (outside of the poor color scheme choices and bad decor). They act as crossroads for many of us – a place where a metaphorical life path decision becomes a physical reality. Or in my case maybe the physical diverted path became the metaphor that in a sense gave us a preview of what the lifestyle might be like moving to an island. This difficult travel itinerary was just breaking us in? Acclimatizing us for how life could be? Testing our flexibility?

We had plenty of time to ruminate on what this four day long process could mean for us. Thinking about the delay in this way made the time much easier to pass and less stressful. We had reflective conversations with each other and met a handful of kind, helpful and unique individuals, including a cosmic Bangladeshi cab driver, a wizard of all traveling tips and stories, and a financial analyst named “Blessing”. In each airport, hotel, and form of transportation we gained valuable perspectives all making up for the inconvenient snow, ice, delays, lost baggage, angry passengers and the general chaos that entails when thousands of people congregate all vying to reach different destinations.

In this time, I also began reading Ashley’s suggested text for the month Rebecca Solnit’s “A Field Guide to Getting Lost”. It seemed appropriate, as our travel itinerary map had been abandoned by day one. Solnit says there’s an “art of being at home in the unknown so that being in it’s midst isn’t a cause of panic or suffering” So I guess it takes a certain amount of practice to feel at home while being lost. I have been crafting this skill, my entire life and needed to be reminded of this sentiment at this precise moment.

It was perfect timing to remind myself that reaching the destination, as always, was not the important thing. The destination you are traveling to will not bring the sense of peace or the feeling of home that I seek. The only thing that could conjure that feeling would be my own reaction to my environment, (the people and actions around me) and my response to the unknown itself.

I have to agree with Solnit when she says that getting lost “seems like the beginning of finding your own way or finding another way” It’s a clean slate of how to make decisions coming from a new place in a whole new way. I am very happy that we have finally reached St. Croix, but am also aware that arriving is not the goal in the field guide to getting lost, its the wandering, connections made and lessons learned from accepting that sometimes we just don’t know where we are or exactly or where we are going.

1/7/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

this must be the place

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“Home is where I want to be – but I guess I’m already there” – Taking Heads “This Must be the Place (Naïve Melody)”

Today I board a plane leaving home in 5 degree weather. Tomorrow I will land in 85 degree weather. A shift of environments and a shift in homes. This constant moving of my home in the past few years has left me thinking a lot about what the concept of “home” really is or means to me. Is it a place? A dwelling? Having personal belongings? Being with a person or people? Or is it a feeling as this month’s Chapter writer Ashley Duffalo suggests in her month’s assignment.

It’s been on my mind more than usual this past week. Maybe it’s because of the recent holidays spent with family, or the changes I’m currently making, or maybe the simple fact that I can’t remember my zip code anymore? (This jaunt to St. Croix will be my 10^th move in 2 ½ years.)

I remember writing in my high school yearbook that I wanted to be a Bedouin when I grew up. I’m not sure if I was predicting what my adult life would look like but looking back now, it seems maybe I did become a Bedouin of sorts. The Bedouin’s were an Arab tribe engaged in nomadic herding, and agriculture. Traditionally they lived in the desert in tents. The scarcity of water and permanent pastoral land required them to move constantly. It was the environment that shaped the placement of their home.

I have not become a true Bedouin as I am not relying on farming and herding abilities to keep me alive – but I do feel that the environment around me is what shapes my sense of home. I thank Ashley for recognizing that and pushing me to not only analyze this fact but document it as well in a creative way.

Before leaving this week, I made one more stop in Friendsville, MD. This is the place that has felt most like home to me in the past 2 ½ years. I would travel to this town from wherever I was staying to visit a handful of fantastic friends including Living Chapters Referee (and now traveling partner Cosmic Jim) as well as my good friend and poet Ina Clare Hicks. My last conversation with Ina before leaving brought me closer to understanding the concept of feeling at home.

I will leave you with her thoughts –

She said she always felt at home sitting in front of a window. She would sit still peering out of her favorite window and gaze at the landscape that was visible on the other side of the glass. Sitting there she would remember all the other landscapes that she had gazed upon in past homes. On the inside, the stillness and the quiet brought her a feeling she called home and on the outside she created a connection to the vision, the land and environment which she also called home.

To me what she is talking about is the same thing that Ashley was talking about in her chapter. It’s the quest to connect to your environment while also staying connected to yourself.

I look forward to cultivating this balance by sitting in front of a new favorite window with a view.

1/3/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

chapter seven

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Dear Beth,

Happy New Year! I’m excited to kick-off Living Chapters 2014-style with you in your new whereabouts of St. Croix. Knowing this short term move will help determine if this island will become your new home, I can imagine your challenge over the next few months will be to stay in the present and not get overwhelmed by questions of the future (isn’t that always the challenge?!)

You’ve become somewhat accustomed to migratory living over the last couple of years with short stints at a pool house, carriage house, boats and friends’ couches. While you never expected to make any of these places a permanent nesting ground, you found ways, especially through Living Chapters and the help of friends, to make yourself at home by being very intentional about the ways you have chosen to live. Knowing I will play a role in keeping you grounded this month as you embark on your latest adventure, I’ve been wondering how do you connect to a new place while staying connected to yourself?

I want this month to be a mindful exploration and reflection of your surroundings. Throughout January I am asking that you use your senses as well as your creative faculties to create a field guide to St. Croix. As your partner in crime I too will make a field guide for St. Paul, my recently named home that I’m in need of getting better acquainted with.

Here are the requirements:

Your field guide should include 4 maps, 6 walks, a daily written reflection, and 3 interviews. Each week you’ll share one of these things on Living Chapters. They should be accompanied by some sort of reflection (which may or may not be derived from your daily log). The daily written reflection is intended to be more of a space for you to develop a writing practice and keep connected to yourself.

After every walk I want you to make a list of everything you remember seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting. I also want you to collect something from each of your walks that you can bring home into your domestic space to create a sense of place.

The interviews should all be done at your home over a simple meal that you’ve prepared with locally-sourced ingredients. The interviews should be designed so that they give you insight into some aspect of St. Croix, i.e. culture, history, food, etc. It’s entirely up to you who you choose to interview.

Lastly, I gave you a copy of Rebecca Solnit’s A Field Guide to Getting Lost to accompany you this month as inspiration. She refers to each chapter as one of her maps. Her writing is beautiful and meditative. Early in the book she references a quote by the pre-Socratic philosopher Meno that I want to leave you with, “How will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?”

Have fun in St. Croix!

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Living Chapters: part two

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This January I am turning the page to part two of this year long challenge. Join me in a new location and in new adventures.

Meet and welcome the new Living Chapters players!

January

The Writer
Ashley Duffalo
St. Paul, MN

Theme: The Environment

I’ve been a fan and a friend of Beth’s ever since elementary school when a very special mutual friend by the name of Leah McClimans first introduced us. Although Beth and I were in different school districts and didn’t often see each other throughout the ensuing years, we kept connected and still do during various holidays and over long phone calls (remember long phone calls?!). It was in Glasgow, during our junior year of college when I realized two things about Beth: she is hands-down the best traveling companion I’ve ever known and she’s always game for an adventure. I suppose Living Chapters is proof of that!

In many ways our friendship has always felt like one long, engaging conversation that we keep returning to, despite separations of time and space. No matter how long the gap since we last spoke, we can always pick up where we left off, which I find very reassuring. This photo was taken during our last trip together to Montreal while standing under one of Bucky Fuller’s geodesic domes.

About me: I unexpectedly stumbled into my adult life in Minneapolis/St. Paul, a place I’m finally comfortable calling home after 11 years. A big part of my commitment to this sometimes frozen tundra is due to the Walker Art Center, where I’ve been mining the pleasures and pain that come with working with artists and the public at a non-profit contemporary art museum. (Where else could I help produce an opera for dogs or host a butter-making aerobics class?!) When not working, I find great happiness in cooking and hanging out at home with Yoshimi, Bindi and John, my two cats and boyfriend.

I’m super excited to kick off 2014 with Beth via Living Chapters, as she’ll be starting the year setting up shop in St. Croix. I’ve also recently relocated, albeit a shorter less exotic move, from Minneapolis to St. Paul. So it seems like the perfect time for us to reconsider our relationship to place and environment.

The Wild Card
Dave Schott
currently in the US often in France and always wandering
Theme: The Environment

Forest firefighter, traveler, farmer, and lover of nature and free open spaces. My free time is filled with outdoor pursuits and hiking, reading, watching documentaries, cooking (while listening to Democracy Now, democracynow.org) and enjoying the company of friends. I have never been one to stay long in one place, enjoying the freedom of new experiences, new people and new places. With this has come a depth of wonderful experiences, realizations, and friends. My dreams are now calling on me to root down so that I can start a more grounded project working with the earth, plants, and perma-culture. This proves to be a serious challenge for one who is used to being on the move……

I grew up in the Baltimore suburbs and left after high school, studying in Appalachia, serving with Americorps in St Louis, chasing wildfires in Washington state, while traveling and WWOOFing in between. Yet always returning every so often to Baltimore to visit family and friends eventually coming upon the budding community of Remington where I encountered many wonderful people starting diverse projects. When I met Beth, she was immersed in her community explorations and I was impressed by her creative inquisitive nature and drive to realize her projects. We would catch up over a bottle of wine and she would tell me about current and future undertakings. When she told me about the idea for living chapters, I knew she was onto something good. I have been asked to be a wild card and am happy to be part of the project. Lately I have been busy scheming up ways to make January 2014 more difficult for her (haha – Just kidding Beth). On the contrary, I hope to be a spark to help kick of 2014 to be one of positive growth, change, and reflection in the next chapter of her life!

February

The Writer
Max von Duerckheim
Barnesville, MD

Theme: Interpersonal Relationships

I’m delighted to come on-board for this project as February’s writer! I’ve known Beth since a few years back when we became acquainted through her work at the Maryland Humanities Council. Since then, I’ve doggedly shown up in her life wherever the adventures of the last few years have taken her (read: the awesomest untold corners of Maryland; though I have yet to get to all the cool ones she makes it to). I’m a failed theatre maker and actor and love that I’m able to say that! Since giving up the good life of making ends almost meet through arts work, I have been living in a shared home in the country of Maryland with my mother and three cats, and taking what delightful work comes my way. I’m also very good at sitting on porches and keeping in touch with those I love.

The Wild Cards
Aliza Ess and Lee Widger
MD/KY
Theme: Interpersonal Relationships

We three met in Remington, Baltimore! Beth and Lee were neighborhood friends involved in projects like the creation of GRIA, the Greater Remington Improvement Association. One fateful May, Aliza happened by a party on Huntingdon Ave and overheard Lee talking about his chickens. It was love. They raised chickens, ducks, mini goats, and a garden in Remington over the course of several years. Aliza met Ms. B through Lee and has spent many happy times enjoying Beth’s company, eating muskrat on the Eastern Shore together and seeing her many beautiful homes over the past several years. Lee and Aliza will soon be heading on to new adventures in Kentucky. We look forward to keeping in touch with Beth and seeing her creative energy shine.

March

The Writer
Seth Fertenbaugh
Dillsburg, PA

Theme: Existential

I am a musician/historian/social worker from Harrisburg, PA. I spend most of my time attempting to concurrently read a book, watch a movie, and drink coffee while trying to remember something I’ve forgotten. When I’m not doing these things, I’m writing and recording music with my brother under the name Slobulus. Songs about Moby Dick, Werner Herzog, and sloths with laser eyes. None of these ventures are financially rewarding so I do have a day job where my graduate work in history has never once hampered my ability to return an email or fax a report. Never once. I’ve also written a treatise on Emma Goldman, which I’m sure is of interest to no one outside of academia except the guy at the NSA who monitors library records.

I’ve known Beth since the early 1990s when we were in chemistry class together. She gave me a tape of the Violent Femmes, I gave her some poems I wrote and a mix tape. Since then we have spent most of our friendship exchanging music, making art, watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail, hanging out in graveyards, photographing in diners, and getting reprimanded by authority.

The Wild Cards
Alexis Vasilos and Brian Buta
Baltimore, MD

Theme: Existential

Alexis says: My interests in travel and the arts have led me to various places around the globe, perhaps most memorably was Florence, Italy where I spent my time studying the Italian language, painting and sculpting. I also spent five years in New York City where I attended the New York Academy of Art’s graduate program. When New York eventually lost its shine for me I relocated to Baltimore where I embarked on my teaching career. I have taught art to people of all ages. I have taught 5 year olds how to paint like Jackson Pollock and I have taught 80 year olds how to make crepe paper flowers. Most of the time though, I instruct college students in drawing, painting and design. In 2011 I pursued another passion of mine, and am now a Certified Yoga Instructor, focusing mainly on restorative and meditative style practices.

I met Beth Barbush after I moved to the Remington neighborhood of Baltimore. From my vantage point in an apartment across the street I would see her out on her porch entertaining a constant cast of characters and I thought to myself, I’d like to know that girl. And lucky for me I not only know her now, but I consider her one of my dearest friends. Once we met we became fast friends and confidants. I am still in awe of her, just as I was from afar and now I know she is even cooler up close. I am very honored to be a part of her Living Chapters project along with my husband Brian Buta. If it wasn’t for Beth and her love for people, Brian and I may never have met and we would not have this wonderful new little person in our lives. We welcomed Lucas James Buta into the world this past June, on Father’s Day.

Brian says: Echoing all that Alexis said above, I’m a huge Beth fan and I’m excited and thankful to play a part in her Living Chapters project. Shortly after moving to Remington, I met Beth and was quickly recruited, along with the fantastic Jason Reed, to help with Remington Youth Community Radio. RYCR was a fun, challenging and rewarding experience, and a great way to learn about the neighborhood. And the immersion into the community eventually led me to meet my wife, Alexis, for which I am most grateful. I am a music-lover, as a listener, guitar-player and songwriter. I work at Johns Hopkins as a research manager where I oversee grant programs focused on improving the aging process for older adults and their loved ones. My most recent role is the best yet: Dad to Lucas, our bright-eyed six-month old son.

April

The Writer
Dawn Bennett
Alfred, NY
Theme: Body/Kinesthetic

Dawn Bennett is an artist, exhibit designer, and most recently organic grocery store owner. She and her son Patrick live in a small town in New York. Dawn met Beth while designing a photography exhibit in Baltimore, MD and then later learned they were neighbors when walking by her front porch in Remington, Baltimore. Dawn is inspired by Beth’s ambition and fearless desire for adventure. Dawn knew instantly that they would be
long lasting friends.

The Wild Card
Howard Shure
Annapolis, MD
Theme: Body/Kinesthetic

May

The Writer
Dena (Barbush) Wentz
Richmond, VA

Theme: Purpose

I have been able to watch Beth grow through a unique lens, one with a familial focus and one of a friend. When I reflect on some of our memories together, I think of times from our childhood playing, pretending, crafting and celebrating holidays in our Grandparents’s basement passing out Christmas presents and watching our uncles open gag gifts. I also remember the cherished times during holiday dinners chasing after traditions listening to our mothers talk about politics, plans for the future, and careers. Now, we can remise and talk about our own careers.

I followed my passion into the world of social services and I am now in an arena where I feel that I can develop my talents and interests. I have to say that I am thankful to be doing what I love. While that being said, I have not arrived as I am constantly changing, growing, and developing my skills to improve.

I think about how Beth has grown her career and has helped other people grow in the process, including teaching me many lessons along the way. She helped me to abandon my fears about starting something new. Had I not listened to her, I would not be where I am today! She has used her talents to reach the underserved and to change communities one person at a time. She has sought more than just a job title but to actually find opportunities to do what she loves, enjoys, and is passionate about and she has encouraged me to do the same! While not always easy, growth and change are welcomed. So, for all she was, is, and grows to be, I hope that as part of her purpose, in whatever life experience she takes on or job she works in, she will continue to inspire those in her family, friends, and strangers alike. Lastly, I must say that I am proud to call her cousin and friend.

The Wild Card
Myra Margolin
Washington, DC
Theme: Purpose

Myra is a community psychologist with a background in filmmaking and community-based media production. She met Beth a few years ago in Baltimore and they quickly became friends. She is from Chicago and has lived on both coasts of the country.

June

The Writer and Confidant
Elizabeth Brady
Savage, MD

Theme: Conclusions

Artist, designer, dog-lover and wanderer with a passion for social experiments, community projects and personal upheaval and change. Might be described as someone who helps others identify and face the challenges in their lives, while perpetually creating new ones in my own. (Blame it on the Scorpio in my chart) I am both extrovert and introvert, I like to learn new things, hate snakes, and hope to always have music, creativity, laughter, boxed wine and interesting people in my life. Beth Barbush has been one of the most interesting to date, constantly challenging perceptions of life, people and permanence. I think I’ll learn as much about myself in my role as confidant as I will about my friend.

reset and reframe: new year’s resolutions

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This December was a much-needed break between the first and second six months of the Living Chapters challenge. In between holidays, I’ve had a bit of time to reflect upon the past year and prepare for the next. When the calendar and clock reset, many of us also use this opportune time to try to reset ourselves. We long for new beginnings, work on breaking bad habits and leaving our ruts behind. We call this “making new-year resolutions”.

Merriam Webster defines a resolution as this:

res·o·lu·tion noun \ˌre-zə-ˈlü-shən\

: the act or process of resolving : as

a : the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones

b : the act of answering : solving

c : the act of determining: the point in a literary work at which the chief dramatic complication is worked out

: finding an answer or solution to a problem, the answer

I like the idea behind making new year’s resolutions or finding answers and solutions to the problems and complex issues in our lives. But I find making resolutions a bit pointless and upsetting when we continually fail at following through on them and then feel bad about not keeping them. This never seems like a good way of starting fresh. This article from The Guardian says new year’s resolutions are “doomed to failure”. That may be a dismal outlook but unfortunately it may be true, the statistics for successful resolution keepers are less than stellar. I think if we have any hope for personal progress we might need to start re-framing the way we think about making self-improvements or changes.

The psychologist in the article, Richard Wiseman, studied different strategies when making new year’s resolutions. What I found most interesting was this

“…people who kept their resolutions tended to have broken their goal into smaller steps and rewarded themselves when they achieved one of these. They also told their friends about their goals, focused on the benefits of success and kept a diary of their progress.”

Wiseman himself stated this “Many of the most successful techniques involve making a plan and helping yourself stick to it,”

What stands out to me in this commentary is this: the success stories are ones from those people who make realistic goals, take things day by day, stay positive, and have the accountability of their friends along with themselves. This is precisely what I had hoped the Living Chapters model would do for myself and others.

In the past few days I celebrated my birthday and the year’s accomplishments with 3 of my favorite people and Living Chapters players, creative, intelligent and wise women: Confidant Elizabeth Brady, Project Manager Moira Fratantuono and Chapter five writer Emily Wheat. We created our resolutions together for the upcoming year. But rather than resolutions, we agreed to more of a pact – an agreement between friends. We came up with a goal that is not only plausible for us but one in which we can help each other succeed in achieving.

This year I thank all Living Chapters players and readers for making the pact to come along on this year’s self-improvement adventure with me. Without the loyalty and accountability that you all have given me I’m sure I could not have accomplished as much as I have these past six months.

So my resolution or pact with you all in the upcoming year is to no longer make resolutions in a vacuum, I am going to continue to tap into the love, loyalty, support and accountability of the friends and community around me to help me achieve my goals.

I’m ready. Bring on 2014 and the next six chapters!

12/29/13

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.

Redefining “having it all”

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“You must give up the life you had planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.” – Joseph Campbell

Tomorrow is my 37^th birthday, a few days before 2014. I find myself technically homeless sleeping on my mother’s couch. I don’t own a home, I’m not renting an apartment or even a boat to dwell on at the moment. I am taking a hiatus from my job and have been working on whittling down my belongings so that they can fit in the back of a pick up truck. I am unmarried without children and currently not dating. I don’t have a pet or even any plants anymore (I gave them all away including the cactus that was living in my car for a while). My situation may sound bleak to some. One might ask, “is this what you thought your life would look like at 37?”

I guess I never really thought too much about it. 37? Is there a “should” that life should look like? I had a long-lost friend, now a Living Chapters follower, call me a few weeks ago to ask if my “Living Chapters” project was product of a mid-life crisis. Mid-life already? Really? Well if a quest for self-improvement is the outcome of my mid-life crisis, it seems as though I am handling it pretty well. It may not be unique but creating a blog about life seems a bit better solution than purchasing an overpriced car, starting a fanatic workout routine/diet or getting a really bad oh-so-permanent tattoo. If you’re faced with crisis, of any sort I am always in favor of looking at the root of the problem rather than fixing the surface.

But honestly, no, I can’t say I really thought that I would be in this particular situation at this point in my life. I guess I was convinced that I would own a home, be married, have 1.5 kids or have a stable substantial full-time job with health benefits. I thought I’d have at least one of these “rites of passage”. I must admit, I had NO IDEA that I would be making decisive choices to not obtain these things and still somehow feel fortunate, content and happy about it. I was lucky to have an open-minded mother and supportive friends in my life who encouraged and helped me become confidant in my decision-making. So yes I have had good fortune on my side but luck has nothing to do with the task of creating your own path. Improvising your life may be rewarding but also takes a lot of work and ingenuity.

Our culture and society (although more progressive than some) has still to this day, left very little room for women to write their own stories from scratch. From the time I was a little girl, it seems I have been trying to rewrite a pre-written fairy tale that was handed to me at birth telling me how I should look, act or live. Who knew that improvising these past 37 years would have led me to such a fortunate (and free) place in almost mid-life. In many ways it’s a pleasant surprise. I had no idea that at this point, I would be nervous and excited, packing to move to a tropical island, allotting myself time to explore new talents, business ventures and personal growth. I didn’t think I would be debt free, without regret, with a chance to reinvent my career and daily patterns. I had no preview of how dynamic and fluid my life could become. Through my twenties and thirties, I have traveled the world, worked voraciously at creative endeavors and gained the most amazing and incredible people in my life. I have never strived toward having “it all” but have worked toward having an authentic and fulfilling existence. In this past year especially, I have been letting the external ambitions, of what I had thought my life should be, go. (the thoughts of “I need this job, this person, this trajectory) These ideas have been difficult to shed but letting go of the expectations has created a new space and place for the potential that I am and will become.

The process of creating and implementing Living Chapters (writing the guidelines for my own script) along with my friends and fellow protagonist, Shannon Twenter, has taught me that letting go and trusting myself and those that I care about brings me closer to the only ambition I hold right now – a calm, more capable, caring and confidant me to take on the upcoming challenges and opportunities.

12/26/13

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.

Living Chapters opens my book, my heart

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It was only two months into Living Chapters when I received a phone call from a woman living in Boise, Idaho – Shannon Twenter. Shannon shared with me her desire to become the protagonist in her own life and requested my permission to take on the Living Chapters model to start her own blog. The idea that someone else wanted to and was willing to take on their own self-improvement project in this way was exciting to me. One of my goals for Living Chapters from the beginning was to encourage others to take on their own personal challenges and take risks. I had hoped that Living Chapters might provide a road map of sorts for others to take for a test drive. I just didn’t realize that it would happen so quickly. Below, Shannon shares how living out her own chapters and writing her own blog “Open Book” has affected her thus far.

I knew Beth briefly years ago when she worked with my students at Learning Inc. (a school I use to work at in Baltimore, MD). A mutual friend of ours made me aware of her Living Chapters project. While reading it, I found a kindred spirit of someone doing things her own way and enjoying the ride.

This summer I drove across the country to a new home in Boise, Idaho. En route, I had a conversation with my dad about the Living Chapters project and my own interest in it. He never understands my own hair-brain schemes/life decisions, so it seemed odd that I chose him as my audience to tell him about this project. But I was mesmerized by Beth’s idea, and had to share it. The conversation made me consider that perhaps this project meant more to me than I thought.

Living Chapters appealed to me because it was sounded fun, utilized community, gave a vision and led to a serious commitment in sharing and striving for self-growth. I believe in the power of doing this with others. It challenges the protagonist/me to get real with real friends.

I also wanted to try it because I wanted to learn how to trust. I had just watched some of my old patterns recently prevent me from taking a risk I knew my soul needed to take.

My friends are the crux of my life and I even a have hard time trusting them, and even more, trusting myself. I thought I’d try to start by trusting them, trusting that they love and know me enough to suggest ways to do this life thing in a way that could create new meaning or perspective for me. In essence, I believe that Living out Chapters could be a way for me to become more confidant in deciding what I need to thrive and stand up for, while simultaneously helping me to become open to wonderful new experiences. So I dove in. Lo and behold, I created a blog called ‘Open Book’ formed after Beth’s model and you know what, it’s is working.

Following ‘Open Book’’s structure has made me open my heart. It has made me trust myself. It has made me stand firm when my friends challenge me in ways that I disagree with it helps me adhere to my inner truth. It has made me trust and respect my friends for what they see in me and push me to do, and for how they choose to make hard choices to navigate their lives and hold firm to their perspectives.

It has made me look at things in a new way. It has made me look at my patterns, where they have emerged and took hold, and has shown me how sometimes even a simple change – and saying YES – can make me experience the need for a larger shift and get me started on a new course.

It has also made me appreciate my friends and the power of community. Not only am I benefiting from Open Book, so are my writers and friends reading, who are taking on their own projects. Some have mentioned that it is because of Open Book that they have started to write again, to paint, to believe in the gifts they have been given.

For me, Open Book, via Living Chapters model, helps me prioritize and calls me out to stay true to what makes my soul work, not what the rest say works. It also calls me out to shake those barriers that prevent that from happening. My goal is to keep learning from this process and stay true to myself while making the small needed shifts that will help the “hopeful and open” me become the dominant me. Thanks Beth.

Shannon Twenter

12/21/13

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.