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field guide to being lost

What does it mean to get lost, be lost, or feel lost? And why do we hold such negative connotations with these ideas? Rebecca Solnit explores these questions in her “Field Guide to Getting Lost” and I have pondered the concepts more and more each day here on the island.

In this 7^th month of Living Chapters I am just now starting to do what I intended this project to do and I am beginning to feel like I’m actually letting go of the reigns and giving over control. It’s as if my environment itself has taken on the role of the chapter writer and is leading the process.

This month I have been asked to create my own field guide to the island of St. Croix. Chapter writer Ashley Duffalo and Wild Card Dave Schott both generously provided me with tools on how to create such a guide. They suggested I take walks, collect objects, record interviews, and make photographs. I am grateful for these guidelines. Following them has made me feel more grounded and has brought a bit of structure to my days.

Instead of an island field guide though, I feel as if I have begun to create my own personal guide for “being lost”. Adapting to a this new environment, has been an exercise in allowing myself to be ok with the feeling of not knowing where I am exactly or where I am going.

When dropped in a new environment either for a short time or an extended stay, I always gravitate toward finding the things that are familiar or that I feel comfortable with: a routine or structure. Upon arriving in a new place, starting a new job or meeting a new friend, I immediately want to uncover the unknown. I map out my surroundings, problem solve, or seek out answers to my list of questions. Although these are great survival instincts when encountering new situations, I do believe that rushing to solve all the mysteries and wanting to know all the answers right away is not the best system for me. I must allow some time for learning in the uncovering.

We all desire to work from the knowledge we possess or the set of personal reference points we’ve identified but I am finding that it is counteractive to rely on that knowledge. Why try to prove what it is that we know when there is opportunity to learn something that we don’t know?

If I truly desire to learn something new and navigate new territory, I must become at ease with the unknown. Navigating only with knowledge and reference points from maps I’ve drawn before will not help me reach new territory.

In Solnit’s “Field Guide” she comments on how getting truly lost has less to do with geography and more to do with questioning identity. Depending on how you look at it being lost can be a bewildering or a wonderful opportunity. It’s a time for one to “shake off the shackles that remind you of who you are, who others think you are” and allows you the opportunity to become who you want to become.

I’m taking my time, learning how to become lost here first before discovering every inch of the island. Letting go, I am not worried about knowing everything about where I am right now and trying to take the opportunity to work on learning about who I am right now.

I am still following my Living chapters guidelines though, tracking what I see, mapping where I walk, and soaking in my surroundings but enjoying it even more knowing that there is no wrong way of wandering when your quest is to become lost.

1/21/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Grace Lichtner has been a great partner for experiments and expeditions into being lost. Below are photographs of plants, objects, and creatures that we found in the lost parts of the house, our backyard and the North Shore that have explored thus far.

All photographs taken by Grace Lichtner and Beth Barbush.

january: writer reflection

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photo (1)

By: Ashley Duffalo

I was standing in the golf course opposite my apartment building looking at the traces left behind in the snow. I imagined a scene where all the skiers, sledders and hikers who made these marks were inhabiting the slope together at once, like the foreboding chaos of a Bruegel painting. This was my first Field Guide excursion into an unknown corner of my new universe—a private country club turned public park over the winter months.

As my mid-month reflection for Living Chapters I thought I’d share some observations I wrote down after my walk taken on Saturday, January 5th. I hope they’ll give you some sense of my new found place and transport you temporarily to St. Paul, Minnesota.

***

I felt like Alice in Wonderland passing through the gate and climbing up a steep hill into unfamiliar territory. The sun was bright and it was one of those radiant winter days that helps make this season bearable in Minnesota. Needless to say it was cold, even colder than normal with the Polar Vortex on its way. There was not a cloud in the sky, it’s blue was warm and gem like, and the white desert of snow reflected so much light it took a few moments to adjust my eyes.

The first thing I noticed: there were tracks everywhere—bootprints, ski paths, and sled grooves—with the densest overlay on the large hill, the prime sledding spot. Although no one was out playing today I decided to walk away from where the action would normally be found and descended down a series of undulating hills. I came across a partially frozen stream filled with brown autumn leaves that held a perfectly preserved dead frog, floating belly up to expose its pearlescent white skin. Time seemed to stand still here, if it weren’t for the run of water that cascaded from pool to pool to remind me that time and earth are always moving.

The landscape was full of bumps and valleys unlike most of the flattened prairie land around here. WIth the snow cover it was easy to forget that this topography was artificially created to give way to long fairways and challenging par fives. The white underfoot was uneven, sometimes hard enough to support my weight other times I crunched through the top crust into the powdery stuff below.

The other blue that caught my attention was a cooler, more purplish one, found in the shadows cast by the trees. The silhouettes barely captured the intricacy of the branches. One tree’s veiny bramble brought to mind the delicate outline of flora found in Leonardo da Vinci’s portrait of Ginevra de Benci that I had been looking at earlier after reading a passage by Rebecca Solnit, who referenced it in her Field Guide to Getting Lost.

If I were to account for the sounds I heard, a sensory experience that admittedly is less developed for me than the visual experience, I took note of the distant and constant drone of traffic, my own breath and footsteps in the snow, and the wind blowing into my faux fur-lined hood whirling around my ear canal.

If I turned south, the wind was at my back and it was warmer, thus I set off in that direction to climb another hill. My reward at the top was a small igloo, the exterior of which was made hard and glassy-looking from the elements. So much so that it almost appeared to be a permanent structure made of some futuristic material. I sat inside this cozy cave, protected, staring out towards my living room window before heading home.

1/17/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

on “Her” island by the sea

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At the start of this new year I was ready to dive head first into island exploration, with my blank field note-book in hand, I was prepared to record – stories to hear, places to visit, food to eat, and people to meet. St. Croix is only 28 miles long by 7 miles wide. Being a relatively small island, I was sure I would have no problem creating my own field guide in four weeks time. Well its now 12 days into January and I am quickly realizing that even with an appetite for exploration, I did not calculate “Island time” into my preplanned schedule. It took us the first week of this month to even arrive on site, I should have known that it might take a little longer to settle in and branch out into exploration mode.

Unlike prior vacation visits, this time we are setting up a new home at the end of a very long and bumpy dirt road in the tropics. There are many other things that needed to be attended to first before new exploration. Basic survival was number one on the list – figuring out how to eat, where to sleep, how to get around, and how to live among a new community. Simple adjustments need to be made to understand the different, geography, climate, communication patterns, access to technology and transportation. Making all these changes in a short period of time can feel like strenuous exploration in itself. At times this past week, this initial adventuring has left me feeling a bit overwhelmed.

But in those stressful moments its best to banish panic and doubt and simply remind myself that this is the year of letting go of past patterns and taking on new challenges. I wanted to push my comfort zone this year and this move is certainly doing it. In transition times like these there is nothing more important than keeping a healthy, positive, and peaceful mindset. The best way that I can accomplish this is by starting exploration in my immediate environment from where I am and slowly radiating outward.

The house we are living in is a beautiful construction site being put together piece by piece, day by day. It is nestled on the side of steep hill on the north side of the island close to the rainforest. The view is spectacular overlooking St. Thomas and St John Islands in the distance. The house is like an island in itself separated from the rest of the island. Even with a four-wheel drive vehicle it is difficult to navigate to and from the house to other places on the island.

With this in mind I decided to start exploring my own personal island in this new environment. The first exploration was the house itself – where will we eat? Where will we sleep? And when the construction inside home is too much where will we find refuge? Ashley’s simple suggestion of taking walks this month to get acquainted with the environment was the perfect excuse to get to know my own backyard.

My first walk upon arriving was into the overgrown garden in the backyard. I started photographing the plants, trees and flowers that I saw with every step there was something new to see and learn about. On my second outing, Grace Lichtner my new housemate and former Living Chapter’s player, accompanied me retracing the same garden path. Grace is almost 10, game for exploration and full of knowledge on plant and animal life, a perfect partner in creating a field guide. She helped me learn the names of the flowers and trees that I had photographed the day before. We made up new names for the ones she didn’t know and took notes on what we thought the plants might be good for. This time we walked further down the path than I had gone before but returned when the sun started to set and our stomachs started to growl for dinner.

Grace and both her parents, Mike and Agnes accompanied me on the third walk on the garden path. Together we went just a little bit further and discovered a star fruit tree at the end of the path as well as an opening to the road leading to the ocean below. 15 minutes later winding down a zig-zagging nearly vertical road we reached the beach for our first visit with the sun, sand and surf. We marked the adventure by collecting coral and rocks from the beach to take home to the house island. This felt like the first accomplishment in true exploration, a bridge to the outer circle of the island and the first path of many to chart for the field guide.

1/12/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

chapter seven

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Dear Beth,

Happy New Year! I’m excited to kick-off Living Chapters 2014-style with you in your new whereabouts of St. Croix. Knowing this short term move will help determine if this island will become your new home, I can imagine your challenge over the next few months will be to stay in the present and not get overwhelmed by questions of the future (isn’t that always the challenge?!)

You’ve become somewhat accustomed to migratory living over the last couple of years with short stints at a pool house, carriage house, boats and friends’ couches. While you never expected to make any of these places a permanent nesting ground, you found ways, especially through Living Chapters and the help of friends, to make yourself at home by being very intentional about the ways you have chosen to live. Knowing I will play a role in keeping you grounded this month as you embark on your latest adventure, I’ve been wondering how do you connect to a new place while staying connected to yourself?

I want this month to be a mindful exploration and reflection of your surroundings. Throughout January I am asking that you use your senses as well as your creative faculties to create a field guide to St. Croix. As your partner in crime I too will make a field guide for St. Paul, my recently named home that I’m in need of getting better acquainted with.

Here are the requirements:

Your field guide should include 4 maps, 6 walks, a daily written reflection, and 3 interviews. Each week you’ll share one of these things on Living Chapters. They should be accompanied by some sort of reflection (which may or may not be derived from your daily log). The daily written reflection is intended to be more of a space for you to develop a writing practice and keep connected to yourself.

After every walk I want you to make a list of everything you remember seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting. I also want you to collect something from each of your walks that you can bring home into your domestic space to create a sense of place.

The interviews should all be done at your home over a simple meal that you’ve prepared with locally-sourced ingredients. The interviews should be designed so that they give you insight into some aspect of St. Croix, i.e. culture, history, food, etc. It’s entirely up to you who you choose to interview.

Lastly, I gave you a copy of Rebecca Solnit’s A Field Guide to Getting Lost to accompany you this month as inspiration. She refers to each chapter as one of her maps. Her writing is beautiful and meditative. Early in the book she references a quote by the pre-Socratic philosopher Meno that I want to leave you with, “How will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?”

Have fun in St. Croix!

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Living Chapters: part two

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This January I am turning the page to part two of this year long challenge. Join me in a new location and in new adventures.

Meet and welcome the new Living Chapters players!

January

The Writer
Ashley Duffalo
St. Paul, MN

Theme: The Environment

I’ve been a fan and a friend of Beth’s ever since elementary school when a very special mutual friend by the name of Leah McClimans first introduced us. Although Beth and I were in different school districts and didn’t often see each other throughout the ensuing years, we kept connected and still do during various holidays and over long phone calls (remember long phone calls?!). It was in Glasgow, during our junior year of college when I realized two things about Beth: she is hands-down the best traveling companion I’ve ever known and she’s always game for an adventure. I suppose Living Chapters is proof of that!

In many ways our friendship has always felt like one long, engaging conversation that we keep returning to, despite separations of time and space. No matter how long the gap since we last spoke, we can always pick up where we left off, which I find very reassuring. This photo was taken during our last trip together to Montreal while standing under one of Bucky Fuller’s geodesic domes.

About me: I unexpectedly stumbled into my adult life in Minneapolis/St. Paul, a place I’m finally comfortable calling home after 11 years. A big part of my commitment to this sometimes frozen tundra is due to the Walker Art Center, where I’ve been mining the pleasures and pain that come with working with artists and the public at a non-profit contemporary art museum. (Where else could I help produce an opera for dogs or host a butter-making aerobics class?!) When not working, I find great happiness in cooking and hanging out at home with Yoshimi, Bindi and John, my two cats and boyfriend.

I’m super excited to kick off 2014 with Beth via Living Chapters, as she’ll be starting the year setting up shop in St. Croix. I’ve also recently relocated, albeit a shorter less exotic move, from Minneapolis to St. Paul. So it seems like the perfect time for us to reconsider our relationship to place and environment.

The Wild Card
Dave Schott
currently in the US often in France and always wandering
Theme: The Environment

Forest firefighter, traveler, farmer, and lover of nature and free open spaces. My free time is filled with outdoor pursuits and hiking, reading, watching documentaries, cooking (while listening to Democracy Now, democracynow.org) and enjoying the company of friends. I have never been one to stay long in one place, enjoying the freedom of new experiences, new people and new places. With this has come a depth of wonderful experiences, realizations, and friends. My dreams are now calling on me to root down so that I can start a more grounded project working with the earth, plants, and perma-culture. This proves to be a serious challenge for one who is used to being on the move……

I grew up in the Baltimore suburbs and left after high school, studying in Appalachia, serving with Americorps in St Louis, chasing wildfires in Washington state, while traveling and WWOOFing in between. Yet always returning every so often to Baltimore to visit family and friends eventually coming upon the budding community of Remington where I encountered many wonderful people starting diverse projects. When I met Beth, she was immersed in her community explorations and I was impressed by her creative inquisitive nature and drive to realize her projects. We would catch up over a bottle of wine and she would tell me about current and future undertakings. When she told me about the idea for living chapters, I knew she was onto something good. I have been asked to be a wild card and am happy to be part of the project. Lately I have been busy scheming up ways to make January 2014 more difficult for her (haha – Just kidding Beth). On the contrary, I hope to be a spark to help kick of 2014 to be one of positive growth, change, and reflection in the next chapter of her life!

February

The Writer
Max von Duerckheim
Barnesville, MD

Theme: Interpersonal Relationships

I’m delighted to come on-board for this project as February’s writer! I’ve known Beth since a few years back when we became acquainted through her work at the Maryland Humanities Council. Since then, I’ve doggedly shown up in her life wherever the adventures of the last few years have taken her (read: the awesomest untold corners of Maryland; though I have yet to get to all the cool ones she makes it to). I’m a failed theatre maker and actor and love that I’m able to say that! Since giving up the good life of making ends almost meet through arts work, I have been living in a shared home in the country of Maryland with my mother and three cats, and taking what delightful work comes my way. I’m also very good at sitting on porches and keeping in touch with those I love.

The Wild Cards
Aliza Ess and Lee Widger
MD/KY
Theme: Interpersonal Relationships

We three met in Remington, Baltimore! Beth and Lee were neighborhood friends involved in projects like the creation of GRIA, the Greater Remington Improvement Association. One fateful May, Aliza happened by a party on Huntingdon Ave and overheard Lee talking about his chickens. It was love. They raised chickens, ducks, mini goats, and a garden in Remington over the course of several years. Aliza met Ms. B through Lee and has spent many happy times enjoying Beth’s company, eating muskrat on the Eastern Shore together and seeing her many beautiful homes over the past several years. Lee and Aliza will soon be heading on to new adventures in Kentucky. We look forward to keeping in touch with Beth and seeing her creative energy shine.

March

The Writer
Seth Fertenbaugh
Dillsburg, PA

Theme: Existential

I am a musician/historian/social worker from Harrisburg, PA. I spend most of my time attempting to concurrently read a book, watch a movie, and drink coffee while trying to remember something I’ve forgotten. When I’m not doing these things, I’m writing and recording music with my brother under the name Slobulus. Songs about Moby Dick, Werner Herzog, and sloths with laser eyes. None of these ventures are financially rewarding so I do have a day job where my graduate work in history has never once hampered my ability to return an email or fax a report. Never once. I’ve also written a treatise on Emma Goldman, which I’m sure is of interest to no one outside of academia except the guy at the NSA who monitors library records.

I’ve known Beth since the early 1990s when we were in chemistry class together. She gave me a tape of the Violent Femmes, I gave her some poems I wrote and a mix tape. Since then we have spent most of our friendship exchanging music, making art, watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail, hanging out in graveyards, photographing in diners, and getting reprimanded by authority.

The Wild Cards
Alexis Vasilos and Brian Buta
Baltimore, MD

Theme: Existential

Alexis says: My interests in travel and the arts have led me to various places around the globe, perhaps most memorably was Florence, Italy where I spent my time studying the Italian language, painting and sculpting. I also spent five years in New York City where I attended the New York Academy of Art’s graduate program. When New York eventually lost its shine for me I relocated to Baltimore where I embarked on my teaching career. I have taught art to people of all ages. I have taught 5 year olds how to paint like Jackson Pollock and I have taught 80 year olds how to make crepe paper flowers. Most of the time though, I instruct college students in drawing, painting and design. In 2011 I pursued another passion of mine, and am now a Certified Yoga Instructor, focusing mainly on restorative and meditative style practices.

I met Beth Barbush after I moved to the Remington neighborhood of Baltimore. From my vantage point in an apartment across the street I would see her out on her porch entertaining a constant cast of characters and I thought to myself, I’d like to know that girl. And lucky for me I not only know her now, but I consider her one of my dearest friends. Once we met we became fast friends and confidants. I am still in awe of her, just as I was from afar and now I know she is even cooler up close. I am very honored to be a part of her Living Chapters project along with my husband Brian Buta. If it wasn’t for Beth and her love for people, Brian and I may never have met and we would not have this wonderful new little person in our lives. We welcomed Lucas James Buta into the world this past June, on Father’s Day.

Brian says: Echoing all that Alexis said above, I’m a huge Beth fan and I’m excited and thankful to play a part in her Living Chapters project. Shortly after moving to Remington, I met Beth and was quickly recruited, along with the fantastic Jason Reed, to help with Remington Youth Community Radio. RYCR was a fun, challenging and rewarding experience, and a great way to learn about the neighborhood. And the immersion into the community eventually led me to meet my wife, Alexis, for which I am most grateful. I am a music-lover, as a listener, guitar-player and songwriter. I work at Johns Hopkins as a research manager where I oversee grant programs focused on improving the aging process for older adults and their loved ones. My most recent role is the best yet: Dad to Lucas, our bright-eyed six-month old son.

April

The Writer
Dawn Bennett
Alfred, NY
Theme: Body/Kinesthetic

Dawn Bennett is an artist, exhibit designer, and most recently organic grocery store owner. She and her son Patrick live in a small town in New York. Dawn met Beth while designing a photography exhibit in Baltimore, MD and then later learned they were neighbors when walking by her front porch in Remington, Baltimore. Dawn is inspired by Beth’s ambition and fearless desire for adventure. Dawn knew instantly that they would be
long lasting friends.

The Wild Card
Howard Shure
Annapolis, MD
Theme: Body/Kinesthetic

May

The Writer
Dena (Barbush) Wentz
Richmond, VA

Theme: Purpose

I have been able to watch Beth grow through a unique lens, one with a familial focus and one of a friend. When I reflect on some of our memories together, I think of times from our childhood playing, pretending, crafting and celebrating holidays in our Grandparents’s basement passing out Christmas presents and watching our uncles open gag gifts. I also remember the cherished times during holiday dinners chasing after traditions listening to our mothers talk about politics, plans for the future, and careers. Now, we can remise and talk about our own careers.

I followed my passion into the world of social services and I am now in an arena where I feel that I can develop my talents and interests. I have to say that I am thankful to be doing what I love. While that being said, I have not arrived as I am constantly changing, growing, and developing my skills to improve.

I think about how Beth has grown her career and has helped other people grow in the process, including teaching me many lessons along the way. She helped me to abandon my fears about starting something new. Had I not listened to her, I would not be where I am today! She has used her talents to reach the underserved and to change communities one person at a time. She has sought more than just a job title but to actually find opportunities to do what she loves, enjoys, and is passionate about and she has encouraged me to do the same! While not always easy, growth and change are welcomed. So, for all she was, is, and grows to be, I hope that as part of her purpose, in whatever life experience she takes on or job she works in, she will continue to inspire those in her family, friends, and strangers alike. Lastly, I must say that I am proud to call her cousin and friend.

The Wild Card
Myra Margolin
Washington, DC
Theme: Purpose

Myra is a community psychologist with a background in filmmaking and community-based media production. She met Beth a few years ago in Baltimore and they quickly became friends. She is from Chicago and has lived on both coasts of the country.

June

The Writer and Confidant
Elizabeth Brady
Savage, MD

Theme: Conclusions

Artist, designer, dog-lover and wanderer with a passion for social experiments, community projects and personal upheaval and change. Might be described as someone who helps others identify and face the challenges in their lives, while perpetually creating new ones in my own. (Blame it on the Scorpio in my chart) I am both extrovert and introvert, I like to learn new things, hate snakes, and hope to always have music, creativity, laughter, boxed wine and interesting people in my life. Beth Barbush has been one of the most interesting to date, constantly challenging perceptions of life, people and permanence. I think I’ll learn as much about myself in my role as confidant as I will about my friend.

reset and reframe: new year’s resolutions

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This December was a much-needed break between the first and second six months of the Living Chapters challenge. In between holidays, I’ve had a bit of time to reflect upon the past year and prepare for the next. When the calendar and clock reset, many of us also use this opportune time to try to reset ourselves. We long for new beginnings, work on breaking bad habits and leaving our ruts behind. We call this “making new-year resolutions”.

Merriam Webster defines a resolution as this:

res·o·lu·tion noun \ˌre-zə-ˈlü-shən\

: the act or process of resolving : as

a : the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones

b : the act of answering : solving

c : the act of determining: the point in a literary work at which the chief dramatic complication is worked out

: finding an answer or solution to a problem, the answer

I like the idea behind making new year’s resolutions or finding answers and solutions to the problems and complex issues in our lives. But I find making resolutions a bit pointless and upsetting when we continually fail at following through on them and then feel bad about not keeping them. This never seems like a good way of starting fresh. This article from The Guardian says new year’s resolutions are “doomed to failure”. That may be a dismal outlook but unfortunately it may be true, the statistics for successful resolution keepers are less than stellar. I think if we have any hope for personal progress we might need to start re-framing the way we think about making self-improvements or changes.

The psychologist in the article, Richard Wiseman, studied different strategies when making new year’s resolutions. What I found most interesting was this

“…people who kept their resolutions tended to have broken their goal into smaller steps and rewarded themselves when they achieved one of these. They also told their friends about their goals, focused on the benefits of success and kept a diary of their progress.”

Wiseman himself stated this “Many of the most successful techniques involve making a plan and helping yourself stick to it,”

What stands out to me in this commentary is this: the success stories are ones from those people who make realistic goals, take things day by day, stay positive, and have the accountability of their friends along with themselves. This is precisely what I had hoped the Living Chapters model would do for myself and others.

In the past few days I celebrated my birthday and the year’s accomplishments with 3 of my favorite people and Living Chapters players, creative, intelligent and wise women: Confidant Elizabeth Brady, Project Manager Moira Fratantuono and Chapter five writer Emily Wheat. We created our resolutions together for the upcoming year. But rather than resolutions, we agreed to more of a pact – an agreement between friends. We came up with a goal that is not only plausible for us but one in which we can help each other succeed in achieving.

This year I thank all Living Chapters players and readers for making the pact to come along on this year’s self-improvement adventure with me. Without the loyalty and accountability that you all have given me I’m sure I could not have accomplished as much as I have these past six months.

So my resolution or pact with you all in the upcoming year is to no longer make resolutions in a vacuum, I am going to continue to tap into the love, loyalty, support and accountability of the friends and community around me to help me achieve my goals.

I’m ready. Bring on 2014 and the next six chapters!

12/29/13

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.

A word from a pair of wild cards

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Agnes and Grace Lichtner were the first wild card duo adding their mid-month suggestions. In September, the existential chapter, Agnes asked me to take my meditation practice a bit further by adding days of silence while her daughter Grace asked me to not take my mediation practice too seriously by adding humor. Their wild card final touches on this chapter along with Amy Rothstein’s thoughtful challenges helped make it one of the most rewarding thus far pushing me physically, mentally and emotionally. In this post, Agnes reflects on her and Grace’s role in the Living Chapters process.

As per requested for some insight from us Living Chapters “players”, my daughter, Grace and I would like to express our thoughts.

First, to be asked to be a part of this endeavor by Beth was a shock and an honor as we didn’t know Beth all THAT well but we were definitely drawn to her energetic personality. We were curious, excited and anxious for the experience and are grateful she considered us an important asset to her experiment of living chapters for a year.

Grace thought it was fun and enjoyed being the wild card because it let her do something different and challenging. Grace also comments that Beth is a great hula hooper, for sure! The things we learn about each other!

As for me, I definitely feel I got a deeper sense of Beth as a friend, artist and human being. I have learned that people are so much more complex with their interests but have the common ground of goodness. It seemed to be proven through all of us who played a role that we wanted goodness to resonate through the experiences. There was an effort with positive intent about decisions, interactions with others and nature, desires and aspirations that all of us in one way or another exuded. Now, I don’t believe we all knew it would turn out that way but we DID want the best for Beth and with that came a bond we all shared and expressed. Even the “strangers” whom Beth approached contributed a positive role for this experiment. I was impressed that Beth was able to integrate unchartered players and it shows just how much influence and willingness is out there. So all in all I feel more connected to the players that Beth is friends with and how we have more similarities than differences.

We didn’t have expectations more than we did curiosity and I admit the month of logging all our usage in daily activities stressed me out and at the same time reiterated how much we conserve and take care of each other and our earth. Every little bit helps.

A lot of time and focus went into these months and it reminded me how much stamina Beth has and continues to keep for this project. She’s much stronger than she realized and I’m sure she’s reasserted that into her head by now! Every month has had a favorite moment but I’m happiest being able to keep up through the blog.

As for future plans for this project – I’m counting on Beth to come out with her idea and will support it’s manifestation. Course having a get together to celebrate with all players involved would be interesting! hehe

12/18/13

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.

It’s the whole building….

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Chapter four writer, Amy Rothstein challenged me with a series of existential questions to ponder and investigate this past September. Amy was one of the few writers who joined me on each and every task she suggested for the month including creating a life plan, a meditation practice, and a visit to an isolation chamber. In her post here, Amy shares her reflections on the ideas she explored in that chapter since living it out with me.

In September, I wanted to understand the relationship between what Eckhart Tolle described as “Life” and our “life situation”; between the “foundation” and the “superstructure”. (Click here to view that original ET passage.)

Since then, I have worked hard to identify exactly what my life situation goals are and to respect and validate these inspired desires. Once that was complete (it was a messy process) I began to proceed with a tangible plan, which is to restart my art making practice after almost eight years of inactivity. The process involved in creating work put a spotlight on the negative thoughts that frequent my mind. My inner critic roared, my skeptical philosopher probed, “why this…what for?!” I was getting in my own way. I found myself relying on past teachings that often seemed like abstract and fluffy concepts. Remarkably, they make sense now that I am using them to help me work on my life situation, and I am changing with the help of these teachings now than ever before.

So I would add to ET’s statement that just as it is unwise to build one’s superstructure (or “life situation”) without a foundation (or “Life”), the opposite is also true. It is futile to build a foundation without a superstructure. The goal of building a superstructure (i.e.: overcoming fears, taking on new challenges) motivates one to lean on their foundation.

**I can also report that I went to the isolation chamber again recently and I’m not sure I need to go anymore. Meditation is equally (arguably more) effective and I plan to pick it back up again.

12/16/13

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Chapter Writers Reflect and Respond

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During this month of December I asked for feedback or reflections from all Living Chapters players on what has happened thus far throughout this project. I sent a series of questions to all participants to instigate their thinking and encourage their writing on one or more of the questions. Both of my Boston friends and writers Chapter one: Joe Gallo and Chapter three: Andy Cook replied specifically to several of the questions directly. Below are some of my questions asked and their answers.

Do you think this project/process has affected or changed me in any way for positive or negative? if so how?

Joe: “I’m not sure that this project has changed you any… maybe it has made you become more of what you have always been. You actually seem to thrive under the microscope you put yourself under. Maybe it’s because you are being challenged on a daily basis and seek to meet the challenges your friends have set out for you to meet. I think we said something about the “contract” aspect of this. I never would have jogged for a month if I hadn’t given you my word that I would. And knowing that this was part of the project, made certain things possible. Sort of like people who barely know each other will embrace for the camera… except this is far more natural. The surprising thing is that nothing seems grafted. Your life seems more whole, now that I think of it…”

Do you think this process is helpful or useful?

Andy: “I think this process is a fascinating way for you to challenge yourself to grow while exploring your relationships with your closest friends. The fact that it’s in public is weird, but I guess it creates the accountability one needs to keep a project like this going. I also support any creative endeavor you undertake, especially when it puts you in the spotlight, as I know that’s outside your comfort zone.”

Has this project affected you in any way – if so how?

Joe: I’m not sure. I think the month we spent in mutual participation was a good one and the fact that you came up to Boston during that time was a bonus… but it did confirm one thing. When I give my word to a friend, I most often keep it. (Can’t say always because there must have been a time or three I hadn’t.)

Did you have any expectations of what this project would be? How is it the same or different?

Joe: “At first I had no idea why you would do this or even want to do this. But in a world in which people find themselves stuck, this is really an amazing way to get unstuck, become less self-conscious, and really experience what makes living worth living.”

Andy: “I guess I imagined the chapters would be more narrative, as in, people would be creating stories for you to live out. They seem to me to be more like challenges than chapters, per se. But whatever, its all interesting.”

How do you think the month you participated in went? What do you think I got from it? Or what did you take away from it?

Andy: “I think it was rocky. I didn’t expect as much push back as I got, or for the negotiations between us to be so difficult and stressful. I think we were both pretty stubborn about it, but I’m glad we were able to make the compromises we did. In the end, I think our friendship was only strengthened by the experience… though I wouldn’t want to do it again. I know for me it was an opportunity to pay the close attention to my consumption habits that I always wish I made time for, and it’s had lasting impact. I try to remember the habits I started that month, and while I don’t always stick to them, I do sometimes, and that’s an improvement. My hope for you is that you have a similar experience. I also think it generated some very interesting conversations on my end, and probably on yours.”

Do you have any favorite moments or outcomes from what has happened thus far in any of the chapters?

Joe: “Chapter 6: Interpersonal Relationships. The interviews, and the write-up of the banjo player and the write-up about your encounters with strangers. Interesting that if there is an aim to something, strangers will back off when they’ve fulfilled their obligations. Whereas if you’re just winging it and talking to someone because you happen to strike up a conversation, things can go anywhere. I tend to think that engaging people to get something out of them is a crime. And I think your experience, as mentioned, attests to that.”

Andy: “I liked hearing stories of you trying to communicate via post-its and pantomime.”

What now? Any suggestions ideas or advice for going into the second six months?

Andy: “Several times when talking about the ‘opinion piece’ part of our month, you said things like ‘I know this isn’t what you wanted me to do, but…” etc. When in fact, I DID want you to make it your own and I was pleased with how you did it. I’d suggest you don’t assume people have certain expectations of you in this project (aside from what is explicitly stated, of course). It made me feel like you thought I was narrow-minded, or overly strict or something.”

Joe: “That you should live happily ever after…”

12/10/13

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Thus Speaks the Maestro

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The Living Chapters Maestro, Eric Imhof, has not only been contributing songs each month adding to the soundtrack of these life chapters but he has been creating an ongoing soundtrack for my life now for almost 9 years. Eric was the person who convinced me to actually start using the medium of “blogging” which before I started this project sounded more like a disease to me than a hobby. In his words below, Eric introduces himself and gives his brief reflection on the Living Chapters process. Eric has contributed to many blogs and is currently writing this one “Coming Soon: A Vast Desert” which I recommend checking out. Oh and his birthday is next week. Happy B-day Eric! – bb

Dear bb,
Let me first say that I, too, was hesitant to start a blog (and only did so originally to continue writing about soccer, er, football), mostly due to the caricature of the misanthrope in the basement eating cheese doodles while anonymously trolling people who’s only crime was attempting to make something of value. Although, yes, I proudly claim the attitude of the misanthrope, I didn’t want to be the kind of one that sadly and silently stews. And besides, who has time to blog?

At least that’s what I originally thought, but have since found the routine of posting something—anything: a picture, a quote, a poem, a small chunk of original writing—to be not only therapeutic, if that’s the right word, but also adventurous and mind-opening, even (or especially?) in its quotidian discipline. Having to write daily makes one have to think daily, and that’s no small task.

Thus, having hated the thought of it initially but then completely embracing the idea, I thought a similar transition might happen for you, being a like-minded Decemb’rist. And since we met through writing (I left some paperwork or something in your mailbox and asked you to write something funny in reply, remember?), and wrote even when we could fly a paper airplane from one’s apartment to the other’s, and have since kept in touch through writing, I thought it fitting that this chain of sorts would continue in the digital world– not as if all the posts are letters to me personally, but letters to everyone, or to the air… or to yourself in the future?

And besides, you had/have such cool stories from so many travels and collections and oceans and alleys and… you get the idea. How can one go on with all those fanciful tales all bottled up?

I guess adding some songs to the yarn along the way is my little way of crouching in the margins of a fun-to-follow life, chirping in every once in a convenient while, as a sparrow flying through one open window and directly out another (to quote Bede). And, while I don’t think it’s necessarily worthy of the phrase “coming clean” to admit that I don’t participate in all the challenges you have set before you, I do, from a safe distance, think about what the challenges may teach you/us, and then imagine tossing similar—but more introverted; I am not talking to strangers—hurdles into my own path, just to see what would happen (and who knows?). So while I’m not doing yoga any time soon, I am thinking A. isn’t it nice that someone is trying yoga? and B. what would an equivalent activity—physical or mental—be for me in the coming weeks?

As to the music: The particular songs I choose are (hopefully) apropos to something you wrote. I also think the occasional song should be something way outside your spectrum, just as the thought of blogging was to you initially. “Backstage with the modern dancers” was a reminder to breathe and let yourself get more comfortable with practice. It was also a nod to exercise. “Swim until you can’t see land” needs no explanation really, except to say that it’s generally good advice in writing and living. “I don’t care—I love it” was at first a joke (although I actually like the song; it reminds me of the London Underground), but looking back was totally what you needed at the time! “Clay pigeons” was written for you, c’mon. “Idle hands are the devil’s playthings” was a poke at conventional wisdom—like the idea that nobody writes letters anymore.

While I’m at it, here’s the next one! —A song that Ran Prieur (who writes one of my favorite blogs, which I try my best to copy) says is better than “Waterloo Sunset”:

The winter’s lovely dark and deep!

– e.

12/7

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