Tag Archives: reflection

chapter 11

Beth,

It’s hard to believe that it has been almost a year since you began the Living Chapters Project. What do you think so far? How have you changed? Have you changed for the good? Has the project served its purpose?

Purpose is our theme for this month of Living Chapters and for sure it is going to be a bit more on the reflective side than the actual get out there and go do side. So, let’s talk about this. What’s the point anyway, right? When we start asking ourselves these questions, we begin to find meaning behind what are we doing. Meaning might be as simple as defining our wants, desires, and needs.

Do you think about why you do the things that you do? The big things, or even the little things!

Why in the world did I just eat an individual size bag of peanut m and m’s as a midmorning snack? After further reflection, here is what I discovered: My decision for eating them is quite affirmed. Lunch was a few hours away! But simply, I like them. Also to mention that they were my mom’s favorite: I always love thinking about how when I was a kid, I always snuck a few when I found the left over ones in the bright yellow twisted bag that she earlier tossed in her purse to save for later.
So, how do you make your big time, bigger than what kind of tasty snack you will have, kind of decisions?

Maybe there were some jobs that you didn’t apply for because you were afraid the company or organization might not hire you? Maybe you broke off a relationship because you were afraid of getting too emotionally involved? Maybe you got rid of stuff because it served no purpose in your life any more? Maybe you didn’t call someone because you were afraid of what could happen? Maybe you didn’t run that 5K because you didn’t think that you would make it.

Personally, I haven’t run any 5K races because I think I would be last! But more importantly, I almost didn’t take a job because I was afraid. I thought Oh, what if this would happen and I would need to resign. What if I didn’t get hired? Alas! What if I did get hired and fell in love with a job because FINALLY I am able to do something that I love! Can I tell you how I came to the decision for applying for the job that I am quite passionate about? It’s because of you! You taught me to not worry about the “what if” questions. You taught me to forget about what my resume read (i.e. hanging on to a position for tenure or not applying would be a waste in particular if I didn’t get hired). You reminded me that a new opportunity might not work out…or better yet, maybe it would!

Have you ever made a decision because you knew that, while feeling a little anxious about the unknown, you were meant to do something really great? Everything up to this point has absolutely made you ready for the next step.

Some tips for self exploration…

1. What will happen this month as you reflect?

2. What will happen when the Living Chapters Project is concluded?

3. Who do you need to call whom you haven’t spoken with in quite some time?

4. Who do you need to send a letter to? When you think about that person, ask yourself why you are doing it and find meaning, or purpose, or reason for doing it. I think (and hope) that this might deepen your relationships with others.

5. Dish yourself some of your own advice. Write yourself a letter if you have to. Write one to your former self 10 yrs ago. Write one to yourself for when this project is over. Why? To help you discover your purpose and find meaning!
These questions might not be just for your career, but I also encourage you to consider the details of your relationships. When you start exploring the purpose of some of your behaviors/actions, relationships, and other areas in your life, you may begin to find a deeper level of meaning. This might help us to live more intentionally. Thoughtfully. Reflectively. One would hope that when someone else recognizes this in you that they might want to explore the same possibilities….Of finding purpose in their life too! Who knows? You never know who might grow because of you!

So, grow on. Grab your favorite candy bar. Discover why you chose that one. Take the stairs a few times this month and really think about why you would ever do that when there is an elevator button calling your name. Think about your health. Think about your career. Enrich your personal relationships. Reach in. Dig Deep and promise that you won’t ever stop looking for it.

Cheers to purpose!

5/1/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Chapter Writers Reflect and Respond

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During this month of December I asked for feedback or reflections from all Living Chapters players on what has happened thus far throughout this project. I sent a series of questions to all participants to instigate their thinking and encourage their writing on one or more of the questions. Both of my Boston friends and writers Chapter one: Joe Gallo and Chapter three: Andy Cook replied specifically to several of the questions directly. Below are some of my questions asked and their answers.

Do you think this project/process has affected or changed me in any way for positive or negative? if so how?

Joe: “I’m not sure that this project has changed you any… maybe it has made you become more of what you have always been. You actually seem to thrive under the microscope you put yourself under. Maybe it’s because you are being challenged on a daily basis and seek to meet the challenges your friends have set out for you to meet. I think we said something about the “contract” aspect of this. I never would have jogged for a month if I hadn’t given you my word that I would. And knowing that this was part of the project, made certain things possible. Sort of like people who barely know each other will embrace for the camera… except this is far more natural. The surprising thing is that nothing seems grafted. Your life seems more whole, now that I think of it…”

Do you think this process is helpful or useful?

Andy: “I think this process is a fascinating way for you to challenge yourself to grow while exploring your relationships with your closest friends. The fact that it’s in public is weird, but I guess it creates the accountability one needs to keep a project like this going. I also support any creative endeavor you undertake, especially when it puts you in the spotlight, as I know that’s outside your comfort zone.”

Has this project affected you in any way – if so how?

Joe: I’m not sure. I think the month we spent in mutual participation was a good one and the fact that you came up to Boston during that time was a bonus… but it did confirm one thing. When I give my word to a friend, I most often keep it. (Can’t say always because there must have been a time or three I hadn’t.)

Did you have any expectations of what this project would be? How is it the same or different?

Joe: “At first I had no idea why you would do this or even want to do this. But in a world in which people find themselves stuck, this is really an amazing way to get unstuck, become less self-conscious, and really experience what makes living worth living.”

Andy: “I guess I imagined the chapters would be more narrative, as in, people would be creating stories for you to live out. They seem to me to be more like challenges than chapters, per se. But whatever, its all interesting.”

How do you think the month you participated in went? What do you think I got from it? Or what did you take away from it?

Andy: “I think it was rocky. I didn’t expect as much push back as I got, or for the negotiations between us to be so difficult and stressful. I think we were both pretty stubborn about it, but I’m glad we were able to make the compromises we did. In the end, I think our friendship was only strengthened by the experience… though I wouldn’t want to do it again. I know for me it was an opportunity to pay the close attention to my consumption habits that I always wish I made time for, and it’s had lasting impact. I try to remember the habits I started that month, and while I don’t always stick to them, I do sometimes, and that’s an improvement. My hope for you is that you have a similar experience. I also think it generated some very interesting conversations on my end, and probably on yours.”

Do you have any favorite moments or outcomes from what has happened thus far in any of the chapters?

Joe: “Chapter 6: Interpersonal Relationships. The interviews, and the write-up of the banjo player and the write-up about your encounters with strangers. Interesting that if there is an aim to something, strangers will back off when they’ve fulfilled their obligations. Whereas if you’re just winging it and talking to someone because you happen to strike up a conversation, things can go anywhere. I tend to think that engaging people to get something out of them is a crime. And I think your experience, as mentioned, attests to that.”

Andy: “I liked hearing stories of you trying to communicate via post-its and pantomime.”

What now? Any suggestions ideas or advice for going into the second six months?

Andy: “Several times when talking about the ‘opinion piece’ part of our month, you said things like ‘I know this isn’t what you wanted me to do, but…” etc. When in fact, I DID want you to make it your own and I was pleased with how you did it. I’d suggest you don’t assume people have certain expectations of you in this project (aside from what is explicitly stated, of course). It made me feel like you thought I was narrow-minded, or overly strict or something.”

Joe: “That you should live happily ever after…”

12/10/13

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.

December reflections

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In December there will not be a chapter submitted on the first of this month. I think that there should be a way of marking the halfway point in the Living Chapters project. An intermission or reflection period seems to be the best way to do so. The last month of the year is as good as any to take a moment and look back on what has actually happened during this past six months. Where did I start at the beginning of this project? Where did I start at the beginning of 2013 and where am I now at the end of 2013? What have these “Living Chapters” taught me thus far? What do I hope 2014 will bring?

Instead of running with a new chapter this month, I think it would be wise to take some time to let the lessons and adventures of the past six chapters sink in and ask a few questions. I want to start the second half of this story in the new-year with a fresh outlook and new knowledge. Let’s see if I can use the collective guidance from the past six months to help me make some of the life decisions I will be making in the next four weeks (without directives from a chapter writer) This is the month of the year that I am allowing myself to make my own new year’s resolutions and reflections.

Chapters will resume as usual on the first of January 2014. I will return to each theme explored in this past six months with new writers, new wild cards and in a new location. If you are not too busy hibernating or holidaying this December please check in here this month for a few protagonist reflections as well as other Living Chapters players. I am also accepting guest posts about the project overall. Please contact me if you would like to share your ideas or thoughts about the process thus far. I welcome and will post questions, observations or comments that Living Chapters readers may have.

Thanks for reading,

Beth Barbush

12/1

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.

Gabe’s parting words

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For close to two decades, I have had the distinct pleasure of watching as Beth has woven the unique tapestry of her life. Eschewing expectations and avoiding predictable paths, she has touched the lives of thousands of people in a positive way, on her own terms. As I have watched her buzz around, sometimes in the same apartment, sometimes from afar, I have often felt that she has not given herself credit for the immense amount of “good work” that she has done.

Well, I no longer have to be the silent witness. Bethbarbush.com is now in the world, and it is a stunning portrait of Beth’s life’s work thus far. Not only is it aesthetically pleasing, it is a concise overview of all the amazing things that Beth has participated in and created in her professional life. As I said at the beginning of the month, Beth’s work is not well represented by a paper resume and I think her website ably proves my claim. Even without her heart-felt written summaries, the photo galleries alone on her ePortfolio tell stories upon stories… and all those faces reflect the larger theme that Beth’s work is all about people.

This past month was full of unexpected personal challenges for Beth, and I hope that in some small way, having a large, logical problem to solve that involved reflection on personal achievements provided some comfort during this time.

While I am always glad to see Beth, I was particularly glad that she was able to visit me during the course of this chapter. We were able to wander memory lane together, and to hash out the themes that have guided our lives to this point: one which happens to be another major transition period for us both. I was there to watch her pour through books of symbols and runes, and she was able to see my scrapbooks… all eight of them.

Unlike Beth, my scrapbooks are not complete. The pieces are in place, but my handwritten notes are still to be finished. Like Beth’s ePortfolio, like our lives, they are still a work in progress.

Thank you, Beth, for inviting me to be part of this project. I hope that as you show off your website in years to come, you are reminded of me and this project, and how friends can always be there to be that little extra motivation that you may need.

July: Wild Card

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This month’s topic seems a little different to me than the others. Probably by definition, order and logic are the opposite of dynamism and fun, often thought of as the antitheses of creativity, innovation, and artistic expression. Wait, Beth, why did you pick Gabe and me for this month again? Never mind, I have heard you say that you could use more order and logic in your life, but I’ve been wondering what you really want them to do for you.

For the record, what I said about order and logic being the opposite of innovation and creativity is not true. Creativity usually happens when someone has deep knowledge of her subject and combines ideas (particularly from different disciplines) in novel ways. If you didn’t have your background in community organizing, art programs, multimedia, and storytelling, it is hard to imagine you could have dreamt up this project. So it makes sense to include logic and order as a chapter in a project that is at least in part about creative purpose, your purpose. Using the tool of reflection, logic and order can play a role in helping you get at that purpose. Whereas Gabe has instructed you to bring some logic and order to your vita of experiences by organizing, evaluating, and communicating about your past, I will ask you to do some orderly reflection to create a logical framework that can inform your future.

Before I give you the wild card, though, let me just say that I know you are struggling on some level with the very heart of this project, which is complete transparency with whoever happens upon the pages you post. I think any sane person would. This project is a tremendous commitment in time, energy, and exposure. You are being more vulnerable than most of us would dare to be. But this is, I hope, part of the essence of why you are doing the project. It is only in honest, deep reflection that we are able to connect with ourselves and perhaps even with others. It is also my sense that reflection is where you are able to give back to the community that is supporting you in this process. To witness how you are growing, changing, and struggling makes this a human project worth sharing.

If you find yourself in need of inspiration regarding the power of vulnerability, watch this talk by storyteller-researcher Brené Brown. For even more inspiration, watch how conductor Benjamin Zander advises throwing up our hands when we stumble and shouting, “How fascinating!”

And so your wild card:

First, reflect on your life experiences by answering the following questions (I credit my friend Vanessa Harris with devising these questions):
1. Notice the patterns, what stands out loud and clear from all of your experiences? Not only what you did, but why you did it; what value(s) come through all of your choices/experiences?
2. If you had to give up one of your past experiences, which would be the hardest to let go of and why?
3. Who have been your mentors? What have they taught you?
4. Knowing what you know now, what advice would you have given yourself five years ago? Can you imagine what type of advice you will wish that your future self would give you today?
5. If you could try any other type of work for a month (assuming training and opportunity were present), what would it be?
6. Then, take the following actions:
  1. Based on this reflection, choose a few symbols that could represent you and your portfolio.
  2. Create a poll using the free version of the software Poll Everywhere to allow the community to vote on the symbols you have chosen.
  3. After receiving this input, choose the symbol that you will add to your portfolio. Explain why you selected or rejected the symbol the community recommended for you.

Your culminating reflection on Living Chapters should include a beginning sketch of your vision for what you want to commit your energies to next. I ask that you pick something meaningful and concrete, even if it is a stretch. Following Ben Zander’s logic, if the big thing you are going for is your vision, then you can always move the goal posts closer together or further apart as needed.

This vision can relate to home or housing, relationships (person, plant, or animal), learning, projects, work, travel, health, or whatever. In other words, what can your past tell you (and us) about your future? You’ve asked us to write twelve months for you, but that means you will be writing the thirteenth, right?

7/15/13

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Check out the Living Chapters facebook page to follow the growing pains and progress of the evolving online portfolio.

Visit the June Gallery for images and videos from the Body and Kinesthetic chapter.

June: Wild Card

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Theme: Body/Kinesthetics

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Roles and the Rules for this project, the Wild Card adds one new element to the finished written chapter by playing their one and only card for the month. This “card” is really a suggestion or a new task that will shift or re-energize the chapter. It may add an element of risk or an element of reflection and reverence. The wild card action must be played at the mid way mark of the month and will be taken on by the protagonist. This new element may elevate an activity already written or diversify the challenge by changing the frequency or specifying a detail. The Wild Card cannot eliminate pieces of the written chapter or negate any part of the written chapter. The Wild Card also should also take into consideration the chapter theme and the writers’ already composed directives when making their suggestion.

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I’ve felt a big responsibility being the inaugural Wild Card for Living Chapters. What we players dream up for Beth in this first month will in many ways set the tone and even perhaps a standard for the months to come. Talk about pressure! And then to discover how wonderfully wide-ranging and comprehensive Joe’s Chapter was in provoking Beth to become more aware of her body, what she puts into it, how she employs it, and what it means to live inside it…the bar is set quite high. And I couldn’t be more pleased with how Beth has manifested the challenges presented to her by Joe. I cannot see anything that I can, in a sense, improve upon. So how to add a new action/variable that will up the ante?

I started to think a lot about a particular phrase Joe used that I think Beth could more fully explore: “take heed when the little voices that sing within us creep to the surface.”

So how might Beth hear and heed the little voices singing within her body in a way that builds upon the great work she’s doing with exercise, diet, and muscle memory while still playing into this month’s theme of Body/Kinesthetics?

Here’s the challenge I propose for you Beth, for the rest of the month of June: in order to be more fully attuned to what your body is telling you from within, do not look at yourself in a mirror. Not once.

While you won’t be able to avoid them in public spaces, your challenge will be to resist the temptation to glance at yourself, to see if you “look right.” Not that you are a particularly vain person, but this will force you to only listen to your body to know if you’re looking, and more importantly feeling, right.

Now, I do know you’re recording this project with lots of photos and videos, and I think it’s fine to view them after the fact for posting/blogging purposes. The key is to resist the temptation to look at your image for affirmation in the moment. One exception: if you’re doing exercises and must use a mirror to ensure you’re doing them properly and to avoid possible injury, fine. But in those instances I’d ask that you avoid looking at your face, just observe your body.

Good luck, and keep up the good work!

Beth Reads June Wild Card: