Tag Archives: Listening

thinking vs sensing

It’s been a week now into my new mission. While trying to translate the clues on how this chapter would roll out and follow where it might lead, I fell into some secret spy-training sessions. My trainer Grace has helped guide my path in the quest to uncover some of the mysteries that live somewhere deeply hidden within our interpersonal relationships.

this is the training book Grace uses

During the month of February many of us take the time to stop and think about the ones that we love, hold dear, and care for. We show our love and project our thoughts and feelings through plans, gifts, or words. But do we often show our love by taking the time to really understand or feel who that one we love is? Do we accept openly and unconditionally what they would like to receive and would like to offer us? Do we know how to truly listen?

What if we could hear, see or feel in ways that are outside of what we know? Would we realize that it is quite similar or much different from what we understand about ourselves? Be the person you are engaging with is the mission of this month. Have you tried it? Can this strengthen or create unique connections in our relationships?

Grace’s spy training sessions have given me some tools that sharpening my awareness and sensitivity, a first step in learning how to truly listen. I obviously can’t tell you everything that we do in our secret sessions but I will share some of the things we’ve been working on thus far.

1. Imagination/Visualization

2. Observation/Memorization

3. Intuition/Mind Reading

Imagination/Visualization : In this physical landscape of imaginary places, I am finding it easier to access my ability to let go of what “I think I know” to be true and I am becoming more open to seeing and feeling what may actually be true in this new place and time.

Imagine you are listening to yourself talking when someone else speaks to you. Is it possible to conjure a new set of thoughts values and viewpoints for a moment? Could I imagine that I am living in someone else’s skin, another body, working from a different set of circumstances? If so would I start to think like they do, feel like they do?

This visualization helps me to step outside of myself, allowing me to empathize and sympathize. It allows me let go of my own assumptions and prohibits me from projecting my own feelings about that person or the situation. Learning to listen as if I am the person speaking is a step toward becoming more open and accepting to what is being said whether I agree or fully understand it.

Spy Training Practice: Creating secret forts with invisible force fields using only the natural objects found in the garden

Observation/Memorization: Looking and memorizing through observation is another form of listening. A person’s facial and body movements hold so much information to decode. Are they nervous, relaxed, excited, calm, or curious? I find the answers in their foreheads, their eyebrows, their shoulder blades and hands. I observe and try to remember what it feels like to be crunching my shoulders or tilting my head or cracking a smile. I observe and remember their motions and emotions under certain circumstances or with certain people. Can I recreate a similar situation in my next interaction with them?

Spy Training Practice: Hunting hermit crabs and keeping them in captivity. Observing their climbing and nesting tendencies. Memorizing flying patterns of hummingbirds.

Intuition/Mind reading: Sometimes to do the best listening, I tune out all the sounds and clues that are right in front of me and tune into what is happening around me that is not always clear. Turning on my peripheral vision, I can get a feel for the outside environment. Is it cold, are there bright lights, is it loud, are there a lot of other people? How is the wing blowing? What in the environment could affect the interaction with the person you are with? These observation skills come quickly and naturally after a while. Through these exercises, I am defining and honing my intuition. Being omniscient of all that is going on externally creates a sharper sense and clearer picture of what is going on internally. Without verbally asking or intentionally trying, this observation practice becomes involuntary and I naturally start to know or absorb certain information before asking or being told.

Spy Training Practice: Dodging golden orb spider webs in the backyard using peripheral vision and web sensing skills. Where would you live if you were a Golden Orb spider?

Practicing these new skills, pushes me beyond thinking and requires full on sensing. I must thank Grace. One week in and I am equipped and energized to dive into new engagements, interactions, and conversations. The quicker I dive in and sense that natural flow the quicker I feel connected. Now’s the time to put the training to the test. Time to come off this hill.

2/8/14

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protagonist parting words

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Chapter 3 is about to close and I have to admit, I am a little relieved. Andy and Kermit were right! It really isn’t easy being green. Being asked to chart my every move, every dollar and watching how my decisions impact both my immediate physical environment and the greater eco-system has been eye-opening and quite frankly upsetting. I had always considered myself someone who cared about the environment and thought my habits were not so harmful but I now realize, after monitoring my actions, just how hypocritical and inconsistent I can be. I purchase local meat, veggies and fruit but also buy wine from Spain and Italy, avocados from Peru and clothes made in Cambodia. I’ll save energy by choosing the lifestyle of living on a boat but don’t choose the lifestyle in which I don’t need a car to go to work. I’ll compost my food product waste but will waste gas driving to a place that I can dispose of my compost. Trying to make positive choices has not been a simple process.

But alas this month ends, and I am free of this personal eco-awareness experiment. I no longer have to count each mile I drive, how many minutes my showers run, and how many times I flush a toilet. I no longer will track all this information in a publicly viewed spreadsheet nor am I accountable to my Living Chapter writer Andy. Phew, I made it through! But really, am I free of the consequences of my choices because this part of my project is over? Aren’t we all accountable to each other when faced with these environmental issues? Is this not something we are all going to have to deal with together at some point? Unfortunately we cannot all be free from the outcomes of the choices we make at the end of this month. The real implications of our habits and decisions have a much greater impact than winning or losing Andy’s Cap and Trade game.

So even as the month ends, I am still struggling with a lot of difficult questions that were raised over the past four weeks. How do we convince our society to make changes as a whole? Can we separate our environmental issues from our social justice and economic class divide issues? How do we change our educational structure to include environmental practices…umm I could go on.

So I may not have answers to any of these bigger questions but the good news is this: I have learned some things about myself this month.

On the practical side: I can actually do a lot myself to make a difference. And in the simple altering of my daily habits I actually realized that these changes were really not that difficult and have been good for me personally along with being better for the environment. When I save energy/water I am saving money. When I am eating organic and local foods, I am eating healthier. There are a ton of easy and practical tools and ideas for everyday folks to learn how to make better choices for ourselves and more efficient choices with our resources.

On the philosophical side: I gained a lot of insights writing and enacting my “opinion pieces”. Reflecting on what I care about most and engaging strangers in dialogue about their concerns and ideas, brought me much closer to pin-pointing and understanding what my own role could be in helping to better our environment.

I realized that my greatest advocacy tool is my ability to listen. Through listening and community engagement I can make a much larger impact by bringing new voices and greater awareness to any issue than by just sharing my own voice alone. Any change starts with one person caring about something and making conscious choices to do something about it. My hope is that engaging people to examine themselves, their motives, and their environments more closely will make them want to advocate and protect the things they care about. I think that if we don’t start spending time finding out what others care about and are motivated by we may never motivate enough people to join the collaborative efforts we need to move forward. So I will continue to ask of others opinions!

In my public opinion piece, I asked a stranger on the street to share with me what he thought the best solution was for engaging people in environmental advocacy issues. He responded with this quote.

“An affordable solution to environmental problems is mindful awareness.”

This left a lasting impression on me. I agree entirely and feel that our own mindfulness really is the first place in which we can start working on this issue. I think we all could afford to become a bit more mindful in general (and especially concerning our environment). Let’s start as individuals and model our practices and habits as a community.

I want to thank Andy for pushing me to become more intentional and mindful in my own actions this month as well as asking me to reflect upon my own opinions and what I care about.

8/31/13

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IMHO

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As a part of this month’s chapter challenges, I was asked to write opinion pieces on environmental advocacy issues. When I read this request, I have to admit I cringed.

I am not an op-ed writer, a scientist, or a researcher. I have never studied ecology issues, botany, climate change, sea –level rise, or any topics related to the environment. There are a lot of people out there advocating about things that they just don’t know that much about and I vowed when starting this blog that I was not going to become one of them. This blog was created for the purpose of sharing and questioning my personal beliefs rather than advocating or convincing others to believe or adopt my beliefs.

With that said, it does not mean I do not have opinions to share and that I don’t care about environmental issues. I have very strong opinions about the environment, the work that I do and advocacy in general. I just prefer to share them in dialogues or in informal blog posts rather than in op-ed letters. More importantly, I believe that anyone who advocates their opinions in public should have a solid knowledge of the topic they’re discussing or equal personal experience to base their ideas on. I admittedly do not possess the knowledge on either topic of “water quality in the Chesapeake Bay” or “natural gas extraction”. So, sorry to say, I will not be fulfilling this particular “Living Chapters” task in the way that it was suggested.

I will however share some of my opinions on advocacy with you. I believe in advocacy. I think it works when there is complete dedication, knowledge and passion behind it. Advocating is very much like campaigning – using all your efforts and networks to help others understand why you believe what you believe. Often it comes off negative, saying that the person or groups that you are trying to reach, are in the wrong. Can you tell me how you feel when someone says that your heartfelt belief about something is wrong? In my opinion, it is not a good way to try to get anyone to come around to understanding your way of looking at things. (think about the political campaigns in the past 10 years, did any of those candidates reach you with any of their campaign strategies?)

In my opinion, the key to good advocacy work is engaging people with the topics in which you are advocating. Connect with your target audience and engage them with the advocacy issue(s) in a personal way. Find out what your audience cares about and why they care before telling them what they should believe.

Advocate by asking.

So if I had to advocate for anything? I would advocate listening. I believe listening, followed with dialogue are the two crucial elements in moving toward collective change and problem solving of any kind.

Throughout my entire career, my work has often been confused with direct advocacy work because of the nature of the topics I have focused on and the populations that I have worked with. Topics have included: education and youth, social justice, homelessness, eminent domain, drug addiction, diversity, and the environment. The focus and goal of my work has been to encourage people within the communities I work in to use their own voices and engage with the issues that are important and relevant to them. The key has always been finding out what is important to them.

I find that I am actually pretty good at doing this. It may seem like a weakness to some people, but I believe that one of my biggest talents is my ability to “not advocate” or share my individual voice or strong opinion on issues. In other words… I am a good listener.

This trait alone has enabled me to be welcomed into a variety of organizations, groups, cultures and communities. Being open neutral and welcoming to any and all perspectives when encountering those with different ideas and opinions than my own, has provided me with numerous learning opportunities.

I cannot tell you how many times I have gained trust, built a relationship and gotten further into dialogue with someone by simply asking them to share their opinions before sharing my own. If you are genuinely interested in hearing and learning about someone else they will genuinely express themselves, open up to you and become more willing to listen and engage honestly.

My background in practicing this skill is what most likely landed me my current job at the Maryland Humanities Council. I was hired on to develop one, of their many, dialogue programs Practicing Democracy. This program uses the humanities (film, speakers, literature, and media) to bring Marylanders together for civic dialogue around polarizing community issues. The main challenge in developing this program is to create a place for ALL opinions and voices to be heard and shared in neutral and safe spaces. Another challenge is engaging those diverse voices in the dialogue who have not previously been involved. How do you get people with opposing opinions to really listen to one another? And if they do come together can they find any common ground?

Well, the jury is still out on both of these questions as we are still experimenting in the ongoing evolution of the program. But in the three years doing these dialogue experiments, I have learned this: The desire for dialogue and thee need for a neutral convener is present. In each of our programs, we have been successful in bringing diverse voices to the table and we have been successful in highlighting and bringing new awareness to the chosen community dialogue topics. How did we do this? We asked for opinions and we asked for personal stories. To succeed in our goals of bringing diverse voices and perspectives together, we needed to leave advocating for or against issues out of the picture entirely. Instead we focused on community engagement, listening to what people cared about and inviting as many people as possible into the discussion no matter what their opinion was.

So yes, I have heard a lot of opinions in my work and have diligently kept my own mouth shut in order to do so. (Although sometimes not an easy task) Through this process I have learned to accept that everyone has their own truth. Some truths are backed by facts or numbers (science) some by personal life or work experience, some are based in faith and some are based in nothing I can understand or agree with. What I do understand though is that if you tell someone their truth is wrong and your truth is right before listening to them, a dialogue is not possible. Without dialogue a compromise is not possible, and without compromise collective change is less likely. And as far as the advocating for the environment – I believe we can all make individual choices and changes. This will help on a small-scale and at a slow pace. But if we want to see monumental progress we need to figure out how to work together and change collectively. And in my humble opinion, if we are going to start working together we have to start listening to one another first.

8/26/13

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