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journey into summer

Walking through Walden’s web…

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary…” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

In response to my request for feedback on the Living Chapters year long project, chapter one writer Joe Gallo forwarded this quote to me from Thoreau’s “Walden”. Joe said, “I do think that this is the essence of your adventure – To live deliberately.” He also noted, that the last sentence of this quote is normally cut off when the quote shared. Joe included the last sentence commenting, “I wasn’t exactly sure what it meant except that one has a responsibility to resist resignation as much as possible. But if circumstances make resignation a necessity, let it be a conscious choice – an act – rather a shoulder-drooping reaction to a sucky situation.”

Joe’s reflection and Thoreau’s quote struck a chord in me. Both describe what I believe to be the two of most profound gifts I received through living out the experiences of the past year. The first, being the strong desire to live a more mindful, intentional and deliberate life. The other gift being my new awareness and ability to meet, address, and accept resistance as an opportunity when necessary.

The Living Chapters structure planned the focus of my path monthly. It relieved me of the question of “what” I was going to do and presented me with the question of “how” was I was going to do it. Taking this time to specifically explore “how to live” has placed me not following Thoreau’s path of desired deliberate living but creating my own path.

Letting go of what I could not control this year, I followed guidelines and accepted suggestions while at the same time conjured my own personal energy and beliefs to breathe life into the written chapters given. This process revealed an alternate and interesting way to live. Day by day, I brought my focus back to the present challenge at hand and felt a shift occur.

Slowly over the months, I noticed the change from directing my life previously through vague instinct, external expectation and available opportunities to directing my choices through a set structure, stronger instinct, internal trust, external loyalty and the exchange of love. It has been a delicate balance between “letting go” of my old patterns while at the same time developing new intentional ones that work for my present life.

“I did not wish to live what was not life,” says Thoreau. It seems a simple desire, but in fact is not an easy thing to do. To live life deliberately cannot be accomplished in 12 months time; it must be put into a daily practice and nourished over a lifetime.

In the defined space and time Living Chapters allowed, I merely began the exploration of self and the understanding of others and our environment. As if I were left out in the woods, I slowly discovered what worked or didn’t work for me in every chapter. With each challenge I took a closer look at what I believed, how I felt and what I was capable of. Setting the themes for chapters, before starting set the intentions for my year. Showing me where and how I wanted to grow and develop.

Each player in Living Chapters pushed and supported me by dictating tasks that illuminated my strengths and addressed my weaknesses. They stretched boundaries and sparked fears challenging me to make and break new habits and banish old patterns. The chapters that fueled my resistance were most beneficial. Through the resistance I began to understand and accept that discomfort and confusion can be the first step to clarity and contentment. Understanding what was holding me back was, for me, the key that is allowing me to move forward.

I will leave you with a couple more quotes from Walden that resonated with me. Thanks to Joe for bringing me back into the woods this summer.

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.”

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

7/11/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to learn more about what happens when you live your life through chapters.

confidant conclusion

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Beth, I have few parting words for you as you start your next chapter. I don’t know how this will unfold, I don’t know your next chapter or if there will be a sequel. I do, however, know what you taught me over the last 12 months. I hope that might be useful to you in your journey and as you live your chapters to come.

In the past year, while you explored the unknown, and bound yourself to the challenges, structures and limitations given to you by others, I have been building my own walls, setting foundations, making things happen, creating boundaries, schedule and structure that I never had in my life. There was a place for this and a need for it. Some of it has been necessary, but likewise some of it has been limiting. What I realize is that you have given me my next chapters to live through your example. I have been intuitive in my life at times, reacting rather than choosing, learning and shifting with people and opportunities that come in and out of my life, but slowly, over time, I have disconnected from those instincts. I want to reclaim them. I need more balance. So, I choose to challenge myself for the next 12 months to be less logical and structured, less tied to obligation and convention, and more willing to accept what I cannot change around me and listen to the universe. Control, planning, logic, can be frustrating and narrowing, as much as useful and expansive in the way they make you think. I ask you to consider how these tools may balance your fluid life, as much as letting go of them may challenge mine.

As with everything, you well know, the key is balance in life. A balance of trusting the universe and the relationships and people who influence you, and pushing and shaping your life to make your world all that you want it to be.

I recently visited a friend of mine, in DC, and on her wall in huge letters she had written, “You are living your story.” What a statement to have over your bed, and to see every morning. So much pressure! But, there is truth in it. Every day we add another page to a book that gets longer and longer. How can we make sure that every day we make our lives as interesting, balanced, and fulfilling as we can, but still control, guide, and shape the book we end up with when all the pages are bound together?

7/1/14

and back again: the completion of beginnings

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Lovers, haters, readers, followers, those who have listened and given any care or attention to what has unfolded in the past 12 months… lend me your voice. You’ve been listening to/reading my words and have acted as great motivators and a generous audience. I’d like nothing more now than to thank you publicly and also hear and read what you think or have to say in response to the past 365 days. The yearlong experiment officially comes to an end this week and like any program creator, director or implementor, I can’t walk away without an assessment of some kind. Has a year really gone by? What the heck just happened?

As in everything I do, I am always looking for feedback – the good, the bad, the kind of critique that makes me question everything I’ve ever done. Bring it! Now it may seem strange that I’m asking for your honest opinion on my personal-development model (ie: the way I’ve lived my life for the past year) but hey the whole process has been strange – no? Are you really surprised that I am asking? I am open and eager for your comments or questions.

Many are already asking me… “What’s next?” “Will you continue to let others lead your life?” I think I am more compelled by the questions like “What came out of the experiment?” and “Why did you actually follow through with it?” – “What did it do to/for you?” As I start out the next chapter of my new story it may lead with those questions, rather than jumping just yet into the “next”.

A year ago, my main goal of carrying out Living Chapters was to help me achieve the act of “letting go”. Honestly though, did I really know what that meant? And do I know any better or feel any clearer today about the concept? I thought “letting go” meant being a little more flexible, changing up a routine and letting go of controlling and planning every little thing. I knew it would involve loosening the reigns and questioning the direction and guidance that I have instituted over my life until now. I didn’t expect it to be life changing.

What I am beginning to understand is this – “letting go” is more accurately defined, in my mind, as the adoption of living a life with some kind of faith and trust. (not just simply becoming less of a control freak). It is not only about the faith and trust I put in my friends who have guided me, but the faith and trust I put in myself to make all things work for both myself and others in my life. And the faith found in the unknown that replies back to us “Yes, you DO know what to do and things WILL fall into the places that they need to”. Throughout the year, I learned how to trust fully and become at home in this “unknown”. I learned how to sit with resistance and fend off fears. I consciously stopped trying so hard to force a future or figure it all out. And I gave a valiant attempt at focusing more on setting intentions and making mindful decisions. (still diligently working on all this!) So yes, the year has changed me. If you’re interested in how…just ask. Be specific as you’d like… I’ve been living my life as a semi-open book for the past 12 months. I think I’m finally ready to share almost anything and have already experienced more honesty from myself and others than I thought humanly possible.

Your suggestions and support this year have given me a constant forward momentum and your questions can and will only motivate me to be accountable in living out the lessons learned from the entire Living Chapters experience.

(Please do respond here on the blog or leave your questions and suggestions on the Living Chapters Facebook Page) Your thoughts are important to me.

So what is next? I don’t know exactly? All that is clear is that I have come back to yet another “completion of beginnings”; a time to start fresh, build upon foundations, expand outward. And where I am physically, spiritually, mentally emotionally? All huge questions not able to be answered and edited into this last June blog post.

Here and now, I find myself in suburban Pennsylvania, a place in which I have not directly planned or chosen, facing what seems to me the most uncertain time of my life to date. It is fitting to be here where I grew up, living with my mother the person who has made me who I am today and who has shaped and challenged me the most. She has written more of my chapters than maybe even myself. Here I am, living out what may be the last of her days, while simultaneously scheming my own departure for the beginning of my new unknown story. Right now, locked in position, ready to choose a new place to live, create a new job, direct a new life experiment to live out, develop and foster new relationships to commit to and dig up new adventures to navigate. In this completion time, I feel the most ready and open I have ever felt before such a beginning. I no longer have questions of what, where and when the next something will occur, Living Chapters has taught me that the how is more important. New chapters themselves will come and go throughout life but the way I choose to live out the story will remain the most important thing through any given plot twist. It is the choice of continuing to read between the lines that will ultimately lead my story onward. Thanks to all who have been witnesses of my story.

6/28/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get find out the rest of the story.

with and without: logic

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Is it logical to let others lead my life choices for 12 months? Is it logical to share long journal entries filled with personal emotional and physical details via the internet each week? Was it logical to jump rope insanely until I sprained my ankle or was there logic in the days of silence communicating only in written post-it notes? What about the time I spent an hour floating naked in an isolation chamber in a random New York City apartment? Hmmmm now that’s a hard one to find logic in! I really haven’t been working too hard on sharpening my “logical living” skills this past year. I’m not worried though. I feel pretty good about what’s unfolded thus far and am beginning to believe putting faith in the act of letting go is in itself it’s own form of logic.

It’s not surprising that I have resisted my final Living Chapter’s task – the life goal logic model. I have always felt strongly and have vehemently stated that living one’s life can not really be “modeled” and that life itself does not fit into a box. I don’t believe that filling out a quiz can depict my personality and I have problems creating “profiles” that upload my lifestyle in Instagram images. I find myself checking the “other” box frequently on forms and cringing when people ask me to choose a “genre” that suits me best. I have looked outward from this perspective and fought my way through 37 years defending my sentiments.

Oddly enough, as driven and motivated as I am, I have also fought the idea of creating “life goals” or “life plans”. I felt as if setting these end points or lists of things/desires or accomplishments would limit me from becoming who I was or could be without restrictions. But what is really limiting me? Could it be my resistance in general? Is it the fear or dislike of wandering down this particular “scary” logic avenue that may be keeping me from my chosen destination? Is it a fear of choosing what I really want? These questions have agitated me to the point of action so I have finally decided to stop resisting and just dove into my last chapter challenge of creating the life goal logic model.

So what is a logic model? Good question! Take a peek at these images And if you want to learn more after being (inundated by these graphs and charts) read up here on what Wikipedia has to say. I went directly off of Elizabeth’s guidelines in her chapter outline. My logic model consists of rows each holding a “life goal” and four columns each outlining the steps taken to achieve those goals and the impacts and outcomes of accomplishing the goals. The columns are as follows:

INPUT: what do I have to put in (or be) to make this goal reality?
ACTIVITIES: what things to I need to do to make this a reality?
OUTPUT: What is created when I do these activities?
OUTCOMES: What is changed, disrupted or benefited from these actions

Elizabeth would be very proud to know that I probably spent at least 3 – 4 hours organizing my life desires into the little boxes of this chart. She may not be proud of my poor chart making/design abilities but the good stuff came out of the thinking and feeling that went into filling these boxes. Doing this tedious exercise now has me seeing through some slightly different logic lenses. Doing this not only helped me move beyond the fear of stating and deciding on the things I want in life looking forward, but it even forced me to map out some definite plans to achieve them. However, I am still not convinced that this process on its own is enough for me.

I believe that the “life plan logic model” seems to be missing one VERY important column. It’s called “unpredictable out of our control LIFE”. If we were really to assess our life goals and create a plan to achieve them, would we not have to account for LIFE itself? All the unexpected miracles, disasters, and chaos that comes along with it. Would we not have to account for our environment and others in our lives that also have life goals and ambitions? All of which is something that can definitely not fit into a box and often can not be predicted.

Yes, I must admit that logic is a useful and necessary tool in the task of planning and presenting a future goal. It is a great guide to get started, motivated, even organized! Its like planning your garden and planting the seeds. There is no harvest without the initial efforts. However, in addition, I also believe in becoming highly attuned to the changing tides, weather patterns, and the seismic shifting plates of the earth. Without the preparation and the ability to accept and adapt to life’s next curve ball, all life plans are lost on their own. What seems logical to me is learning to understand the importance of and the logic behind letting in the bits of logic that work for you and letting go of all the rest. You know what they say “the best laid plans”…

For those that are interested in charts: here is my attempt at the “life goal logic model” I took my two list of goals “TO BE” as the main goals and “TO DO” as the activities to achieve the main goals.

Life goals: to be, to do, to have, to let go of	Inputs: What I have to put into the goal	Activities: What I need to do	Outputs: What is physically produced	Outcomes/Impacts: *(anticipated or desired)* Changes or benefits that may occur
1. To be: *HEALTHY*	Attention to diet, exercise and spiritual practice	*Move: dance, hike, walk, swim* Balanced and mindful eating habits, movement and meditation practice	More energy, stronger body, clear mind	Less illness, less stress, positive attitude/life, better relationships
2. To be: *LOVING*	Commitment, follow through, openness, honesty, time, passion, devotion	*LOVE: self, life partner, family, friends, community* Playing, talking, thinking, touching, working, listening, confessing, flowing, exchanging, sharing	Friends, confidence, partnership, marriage, family, good work, art, beauty	More love, strong relationships, commitment, strong values, whole self, whole communities, transformation
3. To be: *OPEN*	Ability to say yes, ability to not project, ability to be vulnerable, ability to accept others	*Absorb and learn* Trying new things, talking to strangers, accepting challenges, being uncomfortable, being spontaneous	New experiences, adventure, fun, strange days, full living	new self knowledge, increased intuition, increased confidence
4. To be: *PRODUCTIVE*	Ideas, time, focus, effort, drive, structure	*Write: blog, book, letters, articles* Following structured steps, reading photographing, editing, thinking, sharing,	Articles, blog posts, audio pieces, books, art, experiences, events, talks, letters, emails	Exchange of ideas, inspired thinking, sharing of expression, stronger relationships, stronger values, more opportunities
5. To be: *BALANCED*	Restraint, awareness, objective thinking, light and dark, silence and communication	Absorb: listen and learn all that I have space for, nature, knowledge, energy Experience/accept resistance, give/receive equally, address hopes/fears, moderation, spend less/make more $	Healthy diet, healthy body, clear mind, more savings, less stress, less worry, less struggle	healthy relationships, stable finances, increased mental focus and clarity, happier environment
6. To be: *MINDFUL*	Awareness, attention to detail, time, meaning, care, commitment, curiosity	*Meditate: center balance listen, be in present* Think and assess before acting, make promises, keep promises, ask and answer questions	Change of habits, greater understanding of others and the environment,	More peaceful and positive environment and stronger relationships

7. To be: *FLUID/FLEXIBLE*	Trust, courage, creativity, willingness, openness	*Move:dance,hike,walk, swim* Create open life structure, say yes, compromise, focus on the moment, respond to the present actions not past or future	Annoying reactions from non fluid thinkers, new ideas, experiences, mindfulness	Confusion, clarity, present moment living, growth and death of experiences
8. To be: *GIVING*	Time, love, care, money, work, thought, acceptance, passion	Love myself fully, *Share: talks workshops, radio interviews* be with others, talk to others, write, listen, think of others, volunteer, donate time or money or creations	Confidence, friendship, partnership, good intention, gratitude	Shared experience, model to follow, healthy relationships, healthier communities better businesses,
9. To be: *GRATEFUL*	Awareness, humility, awe	*Collect and highlight others’ stories, audio, and images*Make gratitude lists, say thank you, recognize others generosity	Warmth, love, validation	Increased giving, stronger relationships, validation, contentment amongst giver and receiver
10. To be: *HONEST/TRUSTING*	Vulnerability, loyalty	*Connect: nourish and create relationships* Seek the truth, avoid secrets, share openly, banish lies, make promises, keep promises	More honesty, more trust	Stronger relationships, quicker solutions, less drama
11. To be: *DISCIPLINED*	Time, devotion, commitment, organization,consistency	**Focus: hone skills in writing, audio editing** Create structure, make lists, follow lists, set limits, boundaries, guidelines, make promises, keep promises	Satisfaction, accountability, productive habitsGreater focus	Higher productivity, Higher success rates, Greater self-confidence, Increased skills
12. To be: *COURAGEOUS*	Trust, confidence, curiosity,	*Explore: natural landscape, cityscape, new territories* Take risks, push boundaries, break rules, be creative	Independence,Adventure, confidence, new skills	New opportunities, breakthroughs, transformation

6/27/14

travelling through time

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In response to my first “logic and order” exercise, I was very happy to be able to be able to refer back to my website I created in response to chapter two. The hard work organizing my professional life in an online portfolio clearly laid out a good bit of my life from age 25 and on. But when traveling further back into my early years my memory starts getting fuzzy. I have no idea what I liked to wear or what I liked to eat! What the heck did I do on a day-to-day basis? What were my hobbies? I was doing something different all the time! Hmmm…. Have I really changed that much since I was 5? Well I guess that is what this exercise was set out to investigate. Is there something I can find in the core of myself that doesn’t change? Can I find a thread that runs throughout as I did in my professional life? We’ll see….

Luckily both my parents were picture nuts (and I wonder where I got it from?) so I have tons of images to spark my memory and search for clues to these questions Elizabeth asked of me. Below is the list of questions she asked (some I tweaked and some I added)

What do you look like? (what are you wearing how do you present yourself?)

Where do you live?

What is your job?

What do you spend most of your time doing (3 favorite hobbies?)

What are you eating? (your favorite foods)

What do you consider “home”

What is the most interesting thing you did this year?

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced

What are your closest relationships?

What are you most proud of? (What 3 things do you like about yourself)

5-year-old BB: circa 1982

What do you look like? Mom said I decided to stop wearing dresses at age 4. We made a deal that I would wear them for special occasions.

Where do you live? Dillsburg, PA

What is your job? Bothering my big brother and trying to stay quiet in the car. My mom paid us 10 cents every minute we were quiet (that was good money back then)

What do you spend most of your time doing Coloring in books on paper and sometimes on the walls, hanging out with our cat Sally, and digging in the sandbox.

What are you eating? marshmallows?

What do you consider “home”? My front and back yard

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Recovered quickly from an intensive operation that removed a tumor.

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Accepted a new step dad and step sister into my home and then said goodbye when my mom got divorced

What are your closest relationships? My red teddy bear, my mom, my cat Sally and my brother Jason

What are you most proud of? My red teddy bear and drawings on my bedroom closet walls

10-year-old BB: circa 1987

What do you look like? A chipmunk kind of? I was very small and had big front teeth! I liked blue jeans and sometimes nice things in my hair.

Where do you live? In my family home in Dillsburg, PA with my mom and my brother

What is your job? Going to 4^th/5^th grade

What do you spend most of your time doing Listening to 45 records on my Smurf record player, doing arts and crafts, camping in the backyard, writing in my first diary, spotting monsters and setting fires in the woods

What are you eating? Fluffer nutter sandwiches (marshmallows) and spaghettios

What do you consider “home” My back yard and the near by woods of the game lands.

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Recorded the sound of rocks in the woods and in my metal mailbox on my portable tape recorder OR making rap songs with my brother on the same tape recorder

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? My brother was diagnosed with mental illness and left the house and our family for a long time.

What are your closest relationships? My brother, my mom, best girlfriends (Jenny and Leah), and my dog Molly

What are you most proud of? Beating all the boys in my class math competition, giving a performance lip syncing to “Another Brick in the Wall” and organizing recess craft activities for my classmates

15 year old BB: circa 1992

What do you look like? Similar to my 10 year old self – I liked blue jeans and sometimes nice things in my hair. I liked neutral colors and probably shopped at the GAP

Where do you live? In my family home in Dillsburg, PA with my mom and a foreign exchange student

What is your job? Going to School (9^th/10^th grade) and working at a “Greek” restaurant serving pizza and calzones

What do you spend most of your time doing? Hanging out with friends, doing arts and crafts, taking photographs, traveling with my family

What are you eating? First year drinking coffee and eating a lot of “greek” pizza and calzones

What do you consider “home” Exploring the woods and hanging out in the graveyard near my house with friends

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Welcomed a foreign exchange student into our home, spray painted my shoes, and made button necklaces.

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Gaining and losing a sister

What are your closest relationships? A small group of solid friends, my Spanish sister Maria

What are you most proud of? My artwork, my Spanish sister Maria

20 year old BB: circa 1997

What do you look like? Practical and simplistic fashion sense (yes more blue jeans)

Where do you live? Started out this year in Towson MD (Goucher College dorm room) ended the year living in an apartment with 4 women in Glasgow Scotland (Junior year abroad at Art School)

What is your job? Going to College (2^nd and 3rd year)

What do you spend most of your time doing Exploring, making weird objects from dreams photographing new places, and developing the images in the darkroom.

What are you eating? College Cafeteria food, fish and chips and a lot of dark beer (first year cooking for myself – so lots of grilled cheese)

What do you consider “home”? Exploring new towns and cities alone, spending time in the darkroom alone

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Travelled to an Island called Eigg and stayed in a trailer in the middle of a field with no electric overlooking an island called Rum. That trip was almost as interesting as learning how to weld.

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Adapting to living in a foreign country and city with a new structure of a European art school– developing my own structure within a new social, work and physical environment.

What are your closest relationships? I relied mostly on myself this year – but also had close friendships with Living Chapters player Gabe that supported me before during and after all my explorations. Living Chapter player Ashley who joined me in school at Scotland.

What are you most proud of? Changing my focus from sculpture to photography and hitchhiking without getting killed on the isle of Arran with my friend and Living Chapter player Ashley.

25-year-old BB: circa 2002

What do you look like? Different every month? I was into dying my hair, wearing wigs, hats and sometimes having to dress “nice” for museum work. When I was not wearing my wheels of wonder bright colors and silver glittery shoes – I was in my usual uniform of blue jeans and weather appropriate semi stylish shirt.

Where do you live? Started out this year in Boston, MA in an apartment with my boyfriend and 2 other room mates) end the year living in a 3 story house in Providence Rhode Island with a flower shop on the first floor and 6 rotating room mates sharing the 2 above floors

What is your job? AmeriCorps Vista Volunteer: Community Outreach Coordinator for the Rhode Island School of Design Museum. That is a fancy professional title, my real titles were: The Wheels of Wonder Woman, art on a cart children’s hospital patient visitor, and literacy through photography artist in residence. Check out my professional portfolio if you want to know more.

What do you spend most of your time doing? Creating ways to engage youth around creating art, reading, photographing, driving a large bookmobile through every corner of the state of Rhode Island (my job)

What are you eating? I honestly do not remember eating? How did I survive on an AmeriCorps salary?

What do you consider “home”? Being in a group of kids spinning a large wooden colorful wheel, and sitting silently in the Buddha room at the RISD museum

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Moved to a city where I didn’t know anyone and had a volunteer job with an absentee supervisor. I created a new structure for my life.

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Started the year leaving my first true love for an unknown city, job and future in Providence, RI. Ended the year with both of my grandmothers passing away in the same month.

What are your closest relationships? Fellow AmeriCorps partner and new boyfriend along with my students.

What are you most proud of? Making the decision to jump without a net to Providence and landing in the role of bringing art and photography to youth oncology patients at Hasbro children’s Hospital

30-year-old BB: circa 2007

What do you look like? The same but older? I wear glasses more than contacts now.

Where do you live? In an apartment in a row home in the neighborhood of Remington, Baltimore Maryland. I live alone with lots of plants and lots of neighbors!

What is your job? Program Director for Art on Purpose. I create, develop, implement and manage community art programs, workshops and exhibits bringing awareness to and advocating for social justice issues.

What do you spend most of your time doing? Creating ways to engage people around creating art and telling their stories (working my job) photographing and making objects, hanging out on my porch with kids, gardening, volunteer work helping to create a community association and organizing community programs

What are you eating? Thai food and chili – fresh veggies from the garden

What do you consider “home”? Sitting on my porch with kids and whoever shows up to play games and make stuff on Porch Art nights and being in the garden

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Taught a map making community project with my neighbors – This is tied with seeing the Dalai Llama give a speech on the top of a mountain in Ladakh India

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Getting over altitude sickness and finding time to breathe in general

What are your closest relationships? Living Chapter players Gabe and Anita and Laura and my current boyfriend

What are you most proud of? Starting porch art

35-year-old BB: circa 2012

What do you look like? The same but happier! I stopped dying my hair

Where do you live? I started out this year living in an apartment above a garage outside of Cambridge Maryland overlooking the Chesapeake Bay. I ended the year living in a pool house connected to a garage overlooking the Miles River outside Easton, MD. (Both places on the Eastern Shore of MD)

What is your job? Program Manager for Practicing Democracy at The Maryland Humanities Council. Practicing Democracy uses the humanities to bring people with multiple perspectives together for passionate and respectful dialogue about issues that are critical to the health of their communities. Focus project “Lets Be Shore”

What do you spend most of your time doing? Creating ways to engage people around community issues by telling their personal stories (interviewing, making videos – working my job) Driving for exploration, for work and to visit friends. Being in beautiful places, spending time alone.

What are you eating? Oyster stew and buffalo burgers

What do you consider “home”? Visiting friends in Friendsville, MD

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Attended a Muskrat Skinning Contest/Beauty pageant/ interviewed Honduran children about their life and school/sailed from Florida to Annapolis with a world record-breaking sailor.

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Getting use to being fluid and being comfortable with it.

What are your closest relationships? Living Chapter players Cosmic Jim, Elizabeth, Emily, Myra, Moira and my sailor boyfriend

What are you most proud of? Living rent-free (and mostly stuff free) for more a year in extraordinary places

36-year-old BB: circa 2013

What do you look like? The same but healthier! I’m more active this year

Where do you live? I started out this year living in a pool house connected to a garage overlooking the Miles River outside Easton MD and I ended the year living on a sail boat in Annapolis, MD

What do you spend most of your time doing? Self-reflection, writing blog posts, making images for the blog, driving for exploration, for work and to visit friends. Being in beautiful places. Spending time alone.

What are you eating? Things I can make in one pot, veggie wraps, eggs, fruit.

What do you consider “home” Visiting friends in Friendsville, MD, sitting around a fire pit with Elizabeth and sleeping on the boat with the hatch open under the stars.

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Started Living Chapters

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Presenting my life online on a weekly basis

What are your closest relationships? Living Chapter players months 1 – 6 and Cosmic Jim and Elizabeth

What are you most proud of? Keeping my promises to my Living Chapters writers

37-year-old BB: circa 2014

What do you look like? The same but healthier and happier! Tropical climate and environment suited me when I was there. Spring and Summer on the East Coast is also keeping me happy.

Where do you live? I started out this year living in St. Croix Virgin Islands and am currently living in Mechanicsburg, PA

What is your job? Helping people make transitions (including myself) I am helping my good friend Jim move to a tropical island and am now helping my mother pack up her home to get ready to move to a smaller home.

What do you spend most of your time doing? Self-reflection, writing blog posts, making images for the blog. Before leaving the island, photographing, spending time with my 10-year-old friend Grace and appreciating nature, and exploring new connections and opportunities. After returning, helping my mom navigating the system for elder care and housing

What are you eating? On island: fruits, vegetables, home cooked meals. In Mechanicsburg some home cooked meals but more food from restaurants and take out places

What do you consider “home”? Connecting with friends

What is the most interesting thing you did this year? Tried to move to a tropical island and ended up in Suburbia PA.

What is the most challenging thing you’ve done or greatest challenge faced? Put my life flow (not my plan but my way of living in a flow) on hold as I try to help my mother transition. Attempting to create a new form or pace of my flow.

What are your closest relationships? Living Chapter players Cosmic Jim and Elizabeth and my mom

What are you most proud of? Learning how to live day by day and be comfortable without planning my future

Future years: 38, 39, 40

I must apologize but I cannot predict or answer any of the questions Elizabeth asks for the upcoming 3 years. I’m just not there yet. I spent the last week traveling backward through time, which took intensive reflection collection of images and awareness of where I have been. It did a number on my time travelling head – I think that forcing myself in the same short time to be thrown into the future would bring me something close to altitude sickness I had back in 20007. I am going to give myself a bit more time before making projections. My greatest achievement, I believe at this point in my life and what I am most proud of right now is my ability to be ok and even comfortable with living in the present moment. Being able to balance living day by day with out too much stress, anticipation, or expectation. I believe in preparing not planning for what may happen next. Not saying I don’t want to set some goals but HEY that’s my task for week 3 of this month right? I am taking the little time I have to let week one’s time traveling assignment sink in before I am thrown into the future in the upcoming weeks.

6/8/14

Chapter 12

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Beth,

Over the past 12 months you have tested, trusted, learned, expanded and contracted your mind and tested your limitations.You have followed and bent rules, heard guidance, and created new paths for exploration within yourself.

You have listed reflections of your learnings from the past 12 months. You have found personal strengths and limitations you didn’t know you had. My challenge to you, for your 12th month, is this: stop looking back. Look and plan for your future. These plans may evolve and they may change, but consider this a starting point. You know more, trust more, are more prepared than you have ever been to make a plan. I want to encourage you to push yourself to make actionable decisions. Encourage means literally to “put courage into someone”. Take the courage your friends have literally put into you these 12 months. Take the influences they have put into you. Create your own action steps towards a future goal by examining these influences and who you are. Define your next 12 books, not just the next 12 chapters.

You have 4 weeks, and 4 major tasks.

Step 1, week 1. Reflect. In the form a child’s questionnaire, you will reflect on who you have been and who you are, not only on the past year, but in the past and far into the future. Doing this should be childlike, enjoyable, nostalgic, and non-intellectual. What were the literal items you wore, things you did, review your past self, and define your future self. Enjoy the nostalgia of it. When you were 5, these things were defined in many ways by others. How has that changed? How many of these answers are still defined by others? Should they be?
Step 2, week 2. Look Inward. Create a mind map of this past 12 months. Who you are in the present and what flows out of you. Think of this as a creative model of you – what you have taken in, what you have put out.
Step 3, week 3. Create life goals. Identify 12 things you would like to accomplish or become in the next 12 years. Maybe these are career goals, maybe these are life goals or improvements. Maybe these goals will change. Take the inputs that you received from your journey this year, into these goals.
Step 4, week 4. Check the logic. You will now create a logic model for your goals. What will you put into it? What will come out of it? What outcomes did you expect, what do you want to strive for?

Step 1, week 1.

First. Reflect.

Starting at your 5-year-old self, fill in your blanks to the italicized sentences below.

BB (5 years old)

BB (10 years old)

BB (15 years old)

BB (20 years old)

BB (25 years old)

BB (30-40 years old, each year. Some of these will be forecasts)
I live:

My occupation is:

My 3 favorite hobbies are:

My favorite food is:

My favorite clothes are:

I consider my home to be:

The most interesting thing I have been invited to is:

3 things I like about myself are:

3 things I want to improve about myself are:

The single most interesting thing I have done this year is:

My friends helped me:

(add to this if you feel useful)

(Adapted/ Inspired by designer, Dana Tanamchi)

Step 2. week 2.

Look Inward at the past year. Mind Mapping. Creative chaos. What have you taken in, what have you put out, what questions has your Living Chapters journey raised. What is the visual representation of this journey?

This is about you and the past 12 months. A mind map is a diagram used to visually organise information. A mind map is often created around a single concept, drawn as an image in the center of a blank landscape page, to which associated representations of ideas such as images, words and parts of words are added. Major ideas are connected directly to the central concept, and other ideas branch out from those.

Here is an example. This can be as simple or complex as you need it to be.

Step 3, week 3.
12 goals, 12 years

Step 4, week 4.

Develop a life goal logic model. In its simplest form, a logic model has four components: Inputs, Activities, Outputs, Impact or Outcome. Adapt this to work for you.

Create one for each of your 12 life goals. Ideally you have unlimited inputs, activities, outputs and potential outcomes for each goal.

After you complete these, reflect. Does this change your 12 goals? Adapt them if the logic doesn’t feel right. You do not need to share your logic models, but modify your 12 goals accordingly.

Inputs	Activities	Outputs	Outcomes/impacts
what do you have to put in to get to your end goal impact or outcome	what activities you need to undertake to get to your end goal impact or outcome	what is produced through those activities	the changes or benefits that result from the achievement of this goal
For example: Let’s say your goal is “Own a Boat” What inputs go into this, (e.g., money, research?)	For example: “Own a Boat” What activities need to happen, (e.g. sailing lessons, trip from Annapolis to St. Croix)	For example: “Own a Boat” (e.g. sailing culture becomes a part of your life, lifestyle changes, community changes)	For example: “Own a Boat” (e.g. increased skills/ knowledge/ confidence, leading to…new job, personal non-profit to help youth learn to sail, etc.)

6/1/2014

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Protagonist parting words

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I’ve been spending time (as requested by my wild card this month) reflecting on what I have learned about “me” through the Living Chapters project. I feel like I have learned many universal lessons but what do I now know about me? It felt kind of like an awkward research project reading back through my blog posts from the past year. Did I really compartmentalize my experiences through an online public journal? Could I glean any understanding from reading where I started and comparing it to where I am currently? Would the clues from my own written advice unveil my overall sense of purpose or where I may head next?

A year ago I set the below intentions as my purpose for Living Chapters.

“Living Chapters is a process I have created to help achieve the goal of letting go. I see it as an experiment or a performance of sorts, playing out, witnessing and examining this art form that we live and breathe each day. It’s a chance to live out different plot twists and directions that I may have never chosen or found alone. An exercise in trust and collaboration and an uncommon chance to reflect on the decisions we make when faced with change, challenge, and discomfort. It is a rare opportunity and moment in my life that I am able to devote this period of time to the observation of what can be learned if we decide to let go of the reins we hold so tightly over our lives.”

I wanted to take risks, seek personal growth and “say yes to what life threw at me”. I wanted to “find new ways of becoming a better person for myself and to others” and “explore how our personal and online networks of family and friends can assist us in the process of improving ourselves.”

I wish I could say that I have come up with a beautiful visual or poetic way to present what I’ve learned thus far as wild card Myra asked for. Unfortunately I have not been able to cohesively bring all that has happened together yet. Fortunately I have one month left to reflect upon the content I collected and will hopefully be able to bring it into a focused image. Or maybe I won’t understand what was learned at all until I am asked to utilize and engage with the lessons first hand as my upcoming chapters unfold? I am not sure.

I will however leave you with my first set of ideas in list form (I warn you – the lists are long and growing every time I return to them). Looking through the below lists – I realize that much of the lessons and revelations learned are facets and facts that I’ve known about myself for a long time. Doing this project publicly and visually is just what it took for me to mindfully recognize them within me again. The question now is, “how will I continue to be mindful using these lessons with each new chapter I embark upon?”

With still a full month to follow through on with this project, I am not yet ready to determine any ultimate conclusion or illumination on what was and what was not accomplished. I am hoping that June will give me the time to do so and give me any last pushes that will keep me moving forward toward my next steps.

What I learned about myself:

I hold strong passions and have often let them lead the direction of my life
I have resisted cardio exercise my whole life and do not enjoy it
I need to have a good amount of sleep to function
Taking care of my body helps my mind
I want to be more mindful of my health and include more movement
I love yoga (aerial yoga!!)
I love walking (and for lengths of time)
I love dancing
I love making music and singing
Following personal purpose is very important – staying on my path/not others
Connections and relationships are #1 priority for me
Images, color and symbols help me communicate and translate ways of thinking
Focus is something I struggle with the most and would like to develop
Discipline, Diligence are also traits that I feel I would like to improve upon
I have used stories as a tool to create connections
I have used images as a tool to create connections
My past path is rich and will influence my future path and decisions
My greatest advocacy tool is listening to others, creating spaces for sharing voice
I believe in asking for and sharing ideas rather than telling and teaching ideas
I learn by doing, seeing or experiencing more than reading or researching
I crave structure and routine in the form of personal mindful practice
I also resist structure and routine and create something new through my resistance
My physical environment affects my sense of home greatly
I believe that choice of place to be or live will affect my lifestyle – a choice of place = a choice of lifestyle.
My community is not defined as the place I live. It is my circle of strong connections that I can reach on a daily basis.
Meditation builds a mindful practice of making purposeful choices and actions
Meditation benefits my physical body and sleep patterns
Meditation has opened up a spiritual practice for me
Mediation calms my mind
Mediation helps me live in the moment and helps with focus
I still do not know how to meditate
I am too damn serious
I desire more laughter on a day-to-day basis
I meditate while doing dishes and laundry
I am not a religious person
I am a spiritual person
I don’t believe in one God
I also don’t believe that God doesn’t exist
I don’t think there is a meaning of life
I think there is meaning in the way we live life
The only control I have is to define my own space/place/reactions/mindset
Letting go of external issues/ideas/demands/expectations is necessary to find or fulfill my inner issues/ideas/demands/expectations
Being open to new opportunities and chapter suggestions (guidance from others) has allowed for change and growth
Listening to my own inner suggestions has created the direction for the change and growth
I am now more interested in facilitating creation and connection than creating objects
I now will write to express myself instead of immediately making a photograph or an art object
My best communication is through personal letters
I love objects that hold stories
I love being alone and in silence
I love being with others in silence
I love sharing with groups of people
I surround myself with creative active and motivated people to sustain myself
I am not myself if I am not creating
I am still me if I have given away my creations or objects
Breaking attachments to (things people places) makes me feel free and fluid
Creating connections with (things people places) makes me feel alive
I love to be heard as well as listening.
Recording my story is important to me
I love being interviewed
I love being on the radio
I love editing audio
I love connecting with strangers
I can speak in public without freezing up. I would like to get better at doing this and want to work on this!
My work revolves around encouraging others to create, connect, listen, share themselves
I am adaptable to almost anything…
I navigate through life using the tools of photography, writing
I learn most when reflecting my experience with another through conversation
I make photographs when I feel lost
Clean spaces and color affect my mood
Being active clears my mind lifts depression
Routine and structure create a sense of home for me
Letting go of my ego is strengthening my relationships with others – bringing me closer to them
Transformation/change in my thinking patterns is helping me learn and move forward
Letting go of what I think I know is helping me understand who I am and what I truly feel

universal lessons:

Simplify life – less is more
Take things one step one day at a time
Setting measurable goals leads to more achievable goals
Listen internally first before listening to external sources
Listen to the physical body and feelings equally or more than thoughts and cerebral tendencies
Loyalty as accountability loyalty teaches discipline
Address and learn from resistance
Adding fun to things we resist can dissolve resistance
Practicing mindfulness allows improvements to come naturally
Letting go of surface appearances (what others perceive) helps with letting go of fears/anxiety
Learning from the past helps to plan the future
Exploring balance in all aspects of life (in food, exercise, finances) benefits each area (physically, mentally, spiritually)
Being comfortable with the unknown is the most important step in letting go
Focus on the journey/process is more important than any outcome object or destination. (the meaning is in the making)
Detachment is an important exercise to practice regularly
Allowing myself to feel lost leads to greater clarity on what I understand, believe and where I want to go
Giving my time to others is the most generous gift I have to give
Letting go of ego is not the same thing as letting go of confidence and self-worth

5/30/2014

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Dear me…

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This month Chapter writer Dena asked me to write letters with the goal of strengthening my relationships. She felt it might be a good process to help me sort out what I felt my purpose might be. Maybe she secretly knew that I would find the process to be part of what my purpose is. She also asked that I write a letter giving advice to my past self (10 years back). Writing letters has always been the most expressive and best way for me to communicate ideas and connect with others, so I welcomed the task this month.

I’ve actually been writing letters outside of writing the blog throughout this entire year long process but I must admit, I have not yet written a letter to myself. In chapter six last year, I tested out what it would be like to interview myself. It was an enjoyable weird experiment. Since then I have not written any formal letters or given myself any of the advice I so often dish out to others. I found this exercise to be quite helpful. Before doing so, I spent the last week reading over my prior chapter posts from the Living Chapters project. In a sense I consider these posts to be letters and advice to myself more than anyone else. I figured reading my own words would not only help me in my current wild card task but would also give me fodder for my writing letters to my past and future self.

I wish I had tried this earlier. I had no idea how helpful giving advice to myself 10 years ago could be. In writing my letter I realized that the many things that I was unsure of then or that caused anxiety at that time, had all been worked out in one way or another over the past 10 years. I also realized that even if I had the chance to give advice and change anything, I really would change very little of the wandering path my 10 year younger self was about to embark upon. These realizations give my present self a certain comfort and confidence that I sometimes lack when dealing with current difficult life circumstances and wondering about the future. The following letter may be of little interest to an outside reader but I thought I would include it anyway. In it I shared some honest advice to myself. Writing this gave me a solid sense of grounding, hope and excitement about the wisdom and advice I’d have for myself in 10 years time. Where and who were you 10 years ago? What advice could you give yourself for the next 10 years?

Dear me,

It’s May of 2004 in your world and its hard to believe but it is me, I mean you, writing to you from 10 years in the future. Don’t worry… its not so bad. You’re almost 40 now but still not OLD! You still have a ton of energy, haven’t fallen into a rut and are still doing things that surprise almost everyone around you including yourself! Life is for the most part pretty darn good! I am writing to try to put your mind at ease and give you a bit of advice. I know you are feeling a bit nervous and excited at the moment. I seem to remember that the Spring of 2004 brought huge changes. You may feel that it is crazy or risky to be moving out of your home, leaving your job, and crossing an ocean to take on a new traveling and artistic adventure at the same time. If I could give you any advice about your anxiety or trepidation on all this new change while moving puzzle pieces around in your life, I would tell you to relax, enjoy and pace yourself! Things work out for you! They really do. Within the next 10 years you will somehow move homes, changes jobs, travel to a new country every year and reinvent yourself more times than you can imagine. And somehow you do it better each time you do it. This trip to Ireland that you are about to take is just the beginning of many foreign excursions you will take leading you on your path of discovering and living out your purpose.

My main advice to you now is to just keep doing what you are doing. Stay open and alert, be fearless and continue to follow that keen intuition you have as well as your solid and reliable common sense. Sharpen your skills along the way though. Don’t put down the camera! Your passion for photography is key in almost everything you will do from now on out! And listen up, please start writing more now! You will need those skills in 10 years and also will be so happy to have some of the amazing stories you are living out now on paper to share. Speaking of stories, you have done a great job luring all sorts of amazing individuals into your life year after year! Keep that up, but as you do try to keep them in your life when possible! Collect their stories. Write them letters. Reflect more as you are moving so quickly from one place to the next. Keep jumping but take with you the lessons that you’ve learned from one place to the next and hold onto the amazing connections you will make along the way. Last but not least DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF – take it from me, (I mean you!) You are on the right path, YOU ARE NEVER LOST each time you feel confused or overwhelmed – just ground yourself in the place where you are even if it feels foreign – enjoy it for what it is. No matter how foggy or foreign, difficult or strange, uncomfortable or upsetting it may seem – Make the best of your current situation and simply change it if it is unhealthy for you or others in your life. Honestly, you do not really need this advice you will figure it out, you always do. I just wished… I mean hope for you now, that you will give yourself a bit more credit for all that you do and all that you are. Fill yourself with much confidence and don’t allow external situations or people to shake your strength or devalue your self-worth.

Don’t worry about defining your purpose just continue to engage, connect and reflect what and who you are – and don’t forget to have FUN in the process.

Yours truly

5/23/2014

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

May wild card

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Hi Beth!

What I read in your posts at the start of this month is a desire for both structure and action at this time. I see that, as the month has progressed, you have created your own assignments, similar to those that others have created for you over the last 10 months. That’s really cool! In some ways, you are exploring how this practice might be sustainable or incorporated into your lifestyle after this project is over.

In considering that this is your penultimate month, I’m going to draw back a little to return to Dena’s request for reflection. The rest of this month can be an opportunity to encapsulate or sum up for yourself some of the things you’ve learned throughout this entire process. So, for the Wild Card, I’ve designed an exercise to help structure the reflection that Dena proposed.

The Wild Card:

I’d like you to make a list of the things that you have learned about yourself while going through the Living Chapters process. It may be that you learned that you hate something that you thought you might like. Or you may have learned meta-lessons, such as, “It’s hard for me to follow someone else’s vision.” What have you come to understand about your nature, who you are, what is important to you, what is not important to you? My goal is to have you walk away with a solid understanding of what this process has brought you. I would imagine that looking at these assets, after you’ve written them down, can tell you a lot about purpose.

By the end of the month, I’m asking you to produce a solid list, not of questions moving forward, but of things you know for sure about yourself and what is important to you that you have taken from this last year. Again, these are not universal lessons but things you know about yourself.

So here’s the wild card – to provide some structure to the worthy goal of reflection:

Find a time every weekday to spend at least 30 minutes on this. Find a quiet place to do this where you can really feel yourself. In order to explore what you’ve learned, you can either do some writing for yourself or write letters one or more of the participants in the project, reflecting on what you learned in relation to their month;
After some written reflection, either through personal writing or letters, create the list of things that you know about yourself and what is important to you that you’ve learned over the last year. Find whatever form is comfortable for you for the list (e.g., phrases, paragraphs, etc…);
[EXTRA] If you finish this list before the end of the month, create a cohesive way to present what you’ve learned. Maybe you want to create a written statement. Maybe you want to make a series of photographs. Maybe you want to make a short video. The form is up to you but it should encapsulate what you know about yourself now as you near the end of this year. Only do this bit if you go through the rest quickly. Follow your own pace;
Share the list (and the thing you make from the list) with us!

Have fun. It has been beautiful watching this process unfold for you and I am really proud of your ability to follow the process through with such dedication and sincerity. You have a lot of people supporting you!

With love,

Myra

5/18/2014

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

honest intentions

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In this past week, I have been practicing setting intentions of purpose daily and attempting to follow through on them. Making these statements of purpose or daily mantras has been a helpful tool for bringing me back on task with my in the moment objectives. But let’s be honest, I’m not always succeeding with these hopeful mantras and am realizing that I need A LOT more practice outside of spending just one day in May following them.

Being an “On Purpose Person” is much more complicated than anticipated. Especially when my focus has been to diligently seek balance between being fluid in letting things go while also being mindful and proactive. I’m not sure that “making life make sense” is the best advice for me to follow. Because frankly, I have found that life doesn’t make sense all the time and I’m ok with that. Accepting things the way they are (even if it they are sometimes a chaotic mess) seems like a better approach then trying to overly control or make sense of my every move. Again, there must be some way to balance right?

Last weekend, I went to visit this month’s chapter writer Dena and her family in Richmond Virginia. She was having a yard sale. Dena and I decided that it might be a good reason for me to come visit. I could try to sell some of my mother’s belongings at this yard sale (as I have been trying to help my mom downsize in preparation for her move.) Now…. filling up my car with stuff and driving 2 states away with the purpose of selling old stuff from someone else’s front yard does not seem like a logical mindful thing to do. When it was all said and done, I spent about the same amount of money on gas and food on the road as I made in sales. Not to mention the immense amount of time spent in preparation, organizing, packing etc, I am pretty sure we lost more than we gained. However, it was a fantastic social visit! I rarely get to see my cousin and her two little ones. Maybe creating this “reason” or purpose to visit Dena really did work out after all! But why couldn’t I just have been honest with myself about the real or true purpose of this visit (wanting to see my family) and planned it more efficiently?

This made me wonder about other things in life that I give a “purpose” to. Am I being honest about my intentions? Do they hold true to my own purposeful goals desires and intentions? Or am I constantly trying to “make life make sense” in external ways that sound like the right thing to do or what others might like me to do? What kind of actions or work align with my personal purpose? Do the people I spend time with support or hinder my personal purpose? Have I been following an idea of what I think should lead to greater purpose or am I pursuing true personal passion and creating purpose along the way?

Dena and I juggled these questions together last weekend and came up with this: Purpose surfaces in life when the doing of what we love most (our passions) intersects with the doing of what we do best. It may be found in a job or a career – if we are lucky. Or it may be something that comes naturally and daily, like how we interact and share conversations with others, how we prepare a meal or greet a stranger. This may or may not hold meaning for others but it holds personal meaning for ourselves.

I’ve always felt that work itself would bring me a sense of purpose. Over the years, I’ve gravitated to many jobs that held a particular cause to fight for. Whether it was working with inner city youth in Baltimore City or with farmers around water quality issues on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I was always drawn to bigger picture purposeful work hoping to effect change of some kind. However I now realize looking back at job after job that none of these causes were the crux of my personal purpose or my passion. What I learned from Chapter 5 last October is that the meaning (or purpose) lies in the making or the process – not the job itself, an ambition, an object or a lifestyle. It’s always been embedded in my passion for engaging sharing, and connecting with individuals and their stories. So maybe I should be revisiting that mindful mantra for the rest of this month of May.

What is your passion? What are you best at doing? And are your current actions and intentions honestly helping you engage in these things?

5/15/2014

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Life goals:

to be, to do, to have, to let go of

Inputs:

What I have to put into the goal

Activities:

What I need to do

Outputs:

What is physically produced

Outcomes/Impacts:

(anticipated or desired) Changes or benefits that may occur

1. To be: HEALTHY

2. To be: LOVING

3. To be: OPEN

4. To be: PRODUCTIVE

5. To be: BALANCED

6. To be: MINDFUL

7. To be: FLUID/FLEXIBLE

8. To be:

GIVING

9. To be:

GRATEFUL

10. To be: HONEST/TRUSTING

11. To be: DISCIPLINED

12. To be: COURAGEOUS

5-year-old BB: circa 1982

10-year-old BB: circa 1987

15 year old BB: circa 1992

20 year old BB: circa 1997

25-year-old BB: circa 2002

30-year-old BB: circa 2007

35-year-old BB: circa 2012

36-year-old BB: circa 2013

37-year-old BB: circa 2014

Future years: 38, 39, 40

Dear me,

Don’t worry about defining your purpose just continue to engage, connect and reflect what and who you are – and don’t forget to have FUN in the process.

Yours truly