Tag Archives: Life Goals

Being me – my greatest accomplishment

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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Did you ever feel as if you were about to explode with an extreme amount of energy held inside? Are you waiting to burst forth to begin the day or to start a new project? Maybe you feel you are going to break apart at the seams wanting to do something or be something that you feel strongly about yet… you hold back.  Do you feel tied to what you are currently doing or the identity you currently project? Well in the past few years this has been my M.O.  It seems a slow progression but I am and have been moving with consistent change and great fortitude – away from a former definition of who I was and toward a new rendition of me or as I call it an upgrade.

In 2011 I left my home of Baltimore City. With that move, I left behind a community I was deeply engaged with, a series of jobs and many relationships that I had been identifying myself with. All of which was wonderful at the time but became more a box to live within rather than a space to grow from. Since then, I’ve spent much time untangling from this former life, deciphering what is important to hold on to and what to let go of. Free from any fixed community, job, or home I’ve moved fluidly and freely, stripping away pieces of the past life I created. Much like participating in a detox, focusing on taking in the healthiest aspects only I have systematically worked to release patterns and ideas that were no longer serving me. Could I recognize details and facets of my inner self while balancing external obligations and expectations? This essentially was and still is the core goal of the Living Chapters experiment that I am still exploring and attempting to understand.

What I do understand though, is that it seems each year we try to out do ourselves. We compare our conquests and achievements as if they are the measurement of life’s success. “Did we make enough money? Did we make the right friends? Go to new places? Have enough fun?” What did we accomplish? And is there a way to prove it or show it off?

There are many things that we can all be proud of in our lives. We can all point to things we have done, have said or relationships that we maintain and develop. We can own many things and go to many places. Some people call this a list of goals or a bucket list. Others claim that these things are what make them unique individuals. Like the rest of us, I have done this too, comparing one year to the last looking back and keeping track. Not a bad thing to do really. We should recognize and share our core talents and skills. It’s called a resume! Heck I made a whole website that acted as my master accomplishment list. Yet I realize now, only two years after creating it, that this list no longer defines me as a person. It is simply a list of my external accomplishments and I need to stop identifying myself by pointing to it alone.

In this past year, I stepped away from building on this list and started developing lines on my internal resume. I am looking beyond my work, belongings or relationships as an indicator of my self-worth. I am looking outside of the accomplished tasks or my productivity of what “got done” as a way to measure my success. The first year of Living Chapters focused my ‘to do’ list internally but still operated on the “checking off the list” mentality. It did however provide a great tool to monitor external actions while developing internal ideas. My question and desired exploration now is how to learn to accomplish external ideas through internal change and action.  How can one balance and value both internal and external accomplishments?

7/23/15

 

with and without: logic

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Is it logical to let others lead my life choices for 12 months?  Is it logical to share long journal entries filled with personal emotional and physical details via the internet each week?  Was it logical to jump rope insanely until I  sprained my ankle or was there logic in the days of silence communicating only in written post-it notes?  What about the time I spent an hour floating naked in an isolation chamber in a random New York City apartment? Hmmmm now that’s a hard one to find logic in! I really haven’t been working too hard on sharpening my “logical living” skills this past year. I’m not worried though.  I feel pretty good about what’s unfolded thus far and am beginning to believe putting faith in the act of letting go is in itself it’s own form of logic.

It’s not surprising that I have resisted my final Living Chapter’s task  – the life goal logic model.  I have always felt strongly and have vehemently stated that living one’s life can not really be “modeled” and that life itself does not fit into a box.  I don’t believe that filling out a quiz can depict my personality and I have problems creating “profiles” that upload my lifestyle in Instagram images.  I find myself checking the “other” box frequently on forms and cringing when people ask me to choose a “genre” that suits me best.   I have looked outward from this perspective and fought my way through 37 years defending my sentiments.

Oddly enough, as driven and motivated as I am, I have also fought the idea of creating “life goals” or “life plans”.  I felt as if setting these end points or lists of things/desires or accomplishments would limit me from becoming who I was or could be without restrictions.  But what is really limiting me? Could it be my resistance in general? Is it the fear or dislike of wandering down this particular “scary” logic avenue that may be keeping me from my chosen destination?  Is it a fear of choosing what I really want? These questions have agitated me to the point of action so I have finally decided to stop resisting and just dove into my last chapter challenge of creating the life goal logic model.

So what is a logic model? Good question! Take a peek at these images  And if you want to learn more after being (inundated by these graphs and charts) read up here on what Wikipedia has to say. I went directly off of Elizabeth’s guidelines in her chapter outline. My logic model consists of rows each holding a “life goal” and four columns each outlining the steps taken to achieve those goals and the impacts and outcomes of accomplishing the goals.  The columns are as follows:

  • INPUT: what do I have to put in (or be) to make this goal reality?
  • ACTIVITIES: what things to I need to do to make this a reality?
  • OUTPUT: What is created when I do these activities?
  • OUTCOMES: What is changed, disrupted or benefited from these actions

Elizabeth would be very proud to know that I probably spent at least 3 – 4 hours organizing my life desires into the little boxes of this chart.  She may not be proud of my poor chart making/design abilities but the good stuff came out of the thinking and feeling that went into filling these boxes.  Doing this tedious exercise now has me seeing through some slightly different logic lenses.  Doing this not only helped me move beyond the fear of stating and deciding on the things I want in life looking forward, but it even forced me to map out some definite plans to achieve them.  However, I am still not convinced that this process on its own is enough for me.

I believe that the “life plan logic model” seems to be missing one VERY important column.  It’s called “unpredictable out of our control LIFE”.  If we were really to assess our life goals and create a plan to achieve them, would we not have to account for LIFE itself? All the unexpected miracles, disasters, and chaos that comes along with it.  Would we not have to account for our environment and others in our lives that also have life goals and ambitions? All of which is something that can definitely not fit into a box and often can not be predicted.

Yes, I must admit that logic is a useful and necessary tool in the task of planning and presenting a future goal. It is a great guide to get started, motivated, even organized! Its like planning your garden and planting the seeds. There is no harvest without the initial efforts.  However, in addition, I also believe in becoming highly attuned to the changing tides, weather patterns, and the seismic shifting plates of the earth. Without the preparation and the ability to accept and adapt to life’s next curve ball, all life plans are lost on their own.  What seems logical to me is learning to understand the importance of and the logic behind letting in the bits of logic that work for you and letting go of all the rest. You know what they say “the best laid plans”…

For those that are interested in charts: here is my attempt at the “life goal logic model” I took my two list of goals “TO BE” as the main goals and “TO DO” as the activities to achieve the main goals.

 

Life goals:

to be, to do, to have, to let go of

Inputs:

What I have to put into the goal

Activities: 

What I need to do

Outputs:

What is physically produced

Outcomes/Impacts:

(anticipated or desired) Changes or benefits that may occur

 

1. To be: HEALTHY 

 Attention to diet, exercise and spiritual practice Move: dance, hike, walk, swim Balanced and mindful eating habits, movement and meditation practice More energy, stronger body, clear mind Less illness, less stress, positive attitude/life, better relationships

2. To be: LOVING

 Commitment, follow through, openness, honesty, time, passion, devotion LOVE: self, life partner, family, friends, community Playing, talking, thinking, touching, working, listening, confessing, flowing, exchanging, sharing Friends, confidence, partnership, marriage, family, good work, art, beauty More love, strong relationships, commitment, strong values, whole self, whole communities, transformation

3. To be: OPEN

 Ability to say yes, ability to not project, ability to be vulnerable, ability to accept others Absorb and learn Trying new things, talking to strangers, accepting challenges, being uncomfortable, being spontaneous New experiences, adventure, fun, strange days, full living new self knowledge, increased intuition, increased confidence

4. To be: PRODUCTIVE

 Ideas, time, focus, effort, drive, structure Write: blog, book, letters, articles Following structured steps, reading photographing, editing, thinking, sharing, Articles, blog posts, audio pieces, books, art, experiences, events, talks, letters, emails Exchange of ideas, inspired thinking, sharing of expression, stronger relationships, stronger values, more opportunities

5. To be: BALANCED

 Restraint, awareness, objective thinking, light and dark, silence and communication Absorb: listen and learn all that I have space for, nature, knowledge, energy Experience/accept resistance, give/receive equally, address hopes/fears, moderation, spend less/make more $ Healthy diet, healthy body, clear mind, more savings, less stress, less worry, less struggle healthy relationships, stable finances, increased mental focus and clarity, happier environment

6. To be: MINDFUL

 Awareness, attention to detail, time, meaning, care, commitment, curiosity Meditate: center balance listen, be in present Think and assess before acting, make promises, keep promises, ask and answer questions Change of habits, greater understanding of others and the environment, More peaceful and positive environment and stronger relationships

 

7. To be:  FLUID/FLEXIBLE

 Trust, courage, creativity, willingness, openness Move:dance,hike,walk, swim Create open life structure, say yes, compromise, focus on the moment, respond to the present actions not past or future Annoying reactions from non fluid thinkers, new ideas, experiences, mindfulness Confusion, clarity, present moment living, growth and death of experiences

8. To be:

GIVING

 Time, love, care, money, work, thought, acceptance, passion Love myself fully, Share: talks workshops, radio interviews be with others, talk to others, write, listen, think of others, volunteer, donate time or money or creations Confidence, friendship, partnership, good intention, gratitude Shared experience, model to follow, healthy relationships, healthier communities better businesses,

9. To be:

GRATEFUL

 Awareness, humility, awe Collect and highlight others’ stories, audio, and imagesMake gratitude lists, say thank you, recognize others generosity Warmth, love, validation Increased giving, stronger relationships, validation, contentment amongst giver and receiver

10. To be:  HONEST/TRUSTING

 Vulnerability, loyalty Connect: nourish and create relationships Seek the truth, avoid secrets, share openly, banish lies, make promises, keep promises More honesty, more trust Stronger relationships, quicker solutions, less drama

11. To be: DISCIPLINED

 Time, devotion, commitment, organization,consistency Focus: hone skills in writing, audio editing Create structure, make lists, follow lists, set limits, boundaries, guidelines, make promises, keep promises Satisfaction, accountability, productive habitsGreater focus Higher productivity, Higher success rates, Greater self-confidence, Increased skills

12. To be: COURAGEOUS

 Trust, confidence, curiosity, Explore: natural landscape, cityscape, new territories Take risks, push boundaries, break rules, be creative Independence,Adventure, confidence, new skills New opportunities, breakthroughs, transformation
 

6/27/14

 

12 goals & intentions: to be & to do

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IMG_9259IMG_9260After nearly 12 months of translating pre-written chapters into my actual living, breathing days. I am being asked to lay out an outline to script the rest of my story. I guess I should be ready by now to set the stage and jump into the next 12 chapters.  After this intense programming of attempting to let go fully – living the part of the abiding protagonist, am I ready to take back the director’s chair and orchestrate some independence? I believe Elizabeth is prepping me to do so whether I am ready or not.

Last September I was given a similar challenge from chapter writer Amy Dehuff. While exploring my existential existence, Amy’s questions and tasks unfolded each week similar to this concluding June chapter.  Her requests drew me deeper into the difficult and revealing questions of the what, why and how I choose to navigate my way on my path.  Both writers laid out specific guidelines and instructions on how to arrive at potential answers simply by asking me to set guidelines, directions or goals to define where I was going.

In September, Amy blatantly requested that I make a 1 year, 5 year and 10 “life plan” as a way to direct my path.  This week Elizabeth asks me to state or name 12 goals in which I would like to accomplish in the upcoming 12 years. A bucket list of sorts?

For some reason both of these requests (although simple, and helpful) bring up a serious amount of resistance for me. For some reason I have always responded poorly to the notion of setting specific goals (or making the checklist of life) to lead my choices.

The business dictionary defines the word goal as being “An observable and measurable end result having one or more objectives to be achieved within a more or less fixed timeframe.”  There really is something about the words “end result” and “fixed timeframe” that make my skin crawl. Maybe this is why I have dodged the process of setting goals.  To me if feels like traveling with a set agenda or cooking with a specific recipe; there is not much room for spontaneity or creativity.

But where is this intense resistance coming from is it the “measurable end result” that makes me nervous or the achievement expected in a more or less “fixed timeframe” that makes me uncomfortable?  Defining a completion has never been my forte.  I am not sure if it is the fear of negating all the potential opportunities and open avenues that inevitably arrive along the way.  (fear of commitment?) Or if it’s really just a fear failing (or worse yet succeeding and concluding!) arriving at the final end destination? (hmmm…fear of death?)

Either way, even with these rooted fears, I am not opposed to setting goals and am not unaware of the benefits of doing so.  I’ve had no problem in the past working hard or working towards defined outcomes.  Recently though, I have realized that setting intentions has become much more valuable, illuminating and important to me.  Looking, not at the far-flung future, but giving myself daily dose reminders of who and how I want to BE rather than where I am going to go and what I want to DO has brought new confidence and clarity to me.

I believe strongly in stating intentions – even writing them down.  Desires are really only dreams unless we visualize and physically live and breathe them into action.  Spending the time to write or state them directly manifests movement into the world making it real.   I believe in the true power behind consciously doing this.  Maybe that is what I am really afraid of? The true power of manifesting what we actually desire into being!? These few quotes keep echoing in my brain:

“Ask and you shall receive” – “Be careful what you ask for” – “If you build it they will come”

So why do I allow resistance to block my path when I can let it flow freely through me and just finish this chapter challenge?  If I learned anything through this project, it has been to closely examine resistance as a means to confront and conquer fears. Sitting with and in discomfort helps me understand what it is that is holding me back and what it is that could project me forward.

My core philosophy believes that yes it is important to set goals but first feel strongly about and see clearly what the intentions behind those goals are.  Examine and sit with that resistance! Is it coming from an external place or an internal source.  If I allow a goal to guide my way – it needs to come from within and grow with intention – not be pushed by external expectation.

In my response to life planning in September I stated these “goals”:

  • Create and nourish positive relationships
  • Do meaningful and useful work
  • Learn, create, and explore new things
  • Be adaptable to changing environments and new opportunities

Within 10 years I stated my life plan to “exit ambition and move to meaning”.  An ambitious task at hand! I guess I best get busy this next decade cultivating a mindful practice toward creation of meaning while working through and out any last seeds of ambition that have been planted along my path.  It seems I need to get busy pacing out my personal pursuit schedule and decide on the balance between how I really want to be and what is really important to do. I am hoping the following two lists of my 12 intentions and 12 goals will help guide me.

to BE:

  • Healthy/Energetic
  • Loving
  • Open/Accepting
  • Mindful
  • Productive
  • Balanced
  • Fluid/Flexible
  • Giving
  • Grateful
  • Honest/Trusting
  • Disciplined/Determined
  • Courageous

to DO:

  • Love: self, life partner, family/children, friends, community
  • Meditate: center, balance, listen, be in the present
  • Write: blog, book, letters, articles
  • Share: talks, workshops, radio interviews
  • Absorb: listen and learn all that I have space for, nature, knowledge, energy
  • Create: spaces, art, music, food
  • Move: dance, hike, walk, swim, be in fluid motion
  • Focus: hone skills in writing, marketing, media, organize ideas and projects
  • Connect: nourish and create relationships
  • Collect: stories, audio, and images,
  • Explore: natural landscape, cityscape, new territory
  • Live intently: choose and abide to lifestyle choices

6/22/14

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about. Check out the Chapter Summaries Page to get caught up to date.

Goals/Creations/Decisions

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 Chapter 4; Week 2

There is nothing wrong with striving to improve your life situation. You can improve your life situation, but you cannot improve your life. Life is primary. Life is your deepest inner Being. It is already whole, complete, perfect. Your life situation consists of your circumstances and your experiences. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and striving to achieve things. The mistake lies in using it as a substitute for the feeling of life, for Being. The only point of access for that is the Now. You are then like an architect who pays no attention to the foundation of a building but spends a lot of time working on the superstructure.

– Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

When I first started meditating in 2007, I was pretty “blissed out” and grounded by the practice and Zen Buddhism in general. With a job I was thoroughly passionate about, it helped me to be intentional, brave, and present at work. It felt great, until I needed to begin crafting the next stage of my life. It was time to make decisions:  Should I leave Mississippi now? Where should I move? Should I go back to school? What kind of work do I want to do? What are my most potent passions? Instead of pausing everything to get back in touch with my desires, I tried to live peacefully and got by making decisions based on a blurry intuition that was once knife sharp. I tried to apply the lessons I learned in Zen philosophy and that stuck feeling… stuck around. I stopped meditating based on a hunch that Buddhism in general and meditation had turned me into a passive person- the idea of which I detested. Five years and two US cities later, I’m just now snapping out of this funk, answering these questions, and trying to understand why an ambitious and goal oriented person like myself was even in this funk for so long.

I don’t blame Buddhism, but I do blame myself for attempting to integrate its teachings into all aspects of my life. By doing so, I believe that I neglected to actively tend to my life situation. While I do believe that everything happened just as it should, I’m still intrigued by the difference between what ET (I like this nickname) calls “our life situation” and “Life”. Existentialism asserts that we must take responsibility for ourselves, continue creating our lives each day –  which suggests that spending time focusing on our life situation is also incredibly important.

Over the next two weeks I invite you to pay attention to the effects of meditation on your life situation while also spending time off the cushion identifying and working on your personal goals and ambitions.

Assignment #1:

  • Continue meditation morning and night (this will continue until the end of the month). I have urged Beth to follow traditional zazen form/instruction at least half of the time she sits so she has the opportunity to inherit the tried and true wisdom alive in that practice. The other half of the time, we agreed that she may do more of a free form meditation that she creates on her own. (Be aware that traditional meditators would tell you that your made up routine is not meditation at all. It’s just your own crunchy, earth mother spirit, dream catcher floor routine.)

Assignment #2:

  • Begin identifying your personal short-term goals (1 year), mid term goals (5 years), and lifetime goals. Consider any/all aspects of life that are most important to you right now: work, relationships, income, place, health, etc. Let yourself think big. A good way to stimulate this thought process is to finish the sentence: “If I were to die in a year, 5 years, 10 years…”
  • If you are unclear what your goals are and you are out of touch with your desires, pay attention to your needs, your slightest preferences in every circumstance- no matter how slight. For example, “You know what, I do have a preference for what we eat for dinner, I’m really not in the mood for sushi…” Begin acting on these slight desires and preferences and slowly you will become more aware of your larger preferences.
  • When you define your goals your fears will surface immediately. Fear is an inevitable during times of change and while trying something new. Try to get comfortable with the fear, make friends with it a bit- sort of like your list of reoccurring issues from last week. Try envisioning yourself not overcoming your fears, but working towards your goal while feeling the fear. Envision what that would look like and feel like.
  • If you are inspired to begin taking steps on a personal goal, take some steps and get started.

9/8/2013

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