Category Archives: Protagonist Post

par·a·dise

What is your definition of paradise? Have you been there? Have you tasted it, heard it, inhaled it or held it? Does “Paradise” exist? And why do we pine for it? I’ve been contemplating these questions this week, while attempting to meditate on the north side of St. Croix, a tropical island in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

On this particular trip and in past travel experiences through exotic places, I often wondered if I would stumble across paradise. I listened for it in the rainforest, looked underneath coral and shells for it, went swimming under turquoise waters looking for it and sipped down multiple fresh mango smoothies trying to fill myself up with it. Like in meditation, I feel somewhat lost in this search for paradise. Its as if I am wandering about trying to find some kind of bliss I am not even sure exists. What is being zen? Do you feel that way in paradise? And if so how do you find paradise?

Before giving up on this quest entirely, I decided to look in one more place: The online Merriam Webster Dictionary… and there it was! Alas paradise and its true meaning(s)

par·a·dise

noun \ˈper-ə-ˌdīs, -ˌdīz, ˈpa-rə-\

: a very beautiful, pleasant, or peaceful place that seems to be perfect

: a place that is perfect for a particular activity or for a person who enjoys that activity

: a state of complete happiness

These explanations left me a bit perplexed. How can paradise be so many things that are different and separate from one another?

So Webster is telling me this: Paradise is a PLACE, one that is so peaceful and beautiful that it seems to be perfect. Is it a place that makes one believe they are content and happy in its perfection, a place that intoxicates one with its surface beauty or the fruits it has to offer.

OR maybe

Paradise is a different PLACE for different people. It is really a place that is elusive in nature, and needs to be sought out and found in a step by step process. First by finding your individual “particular activity” or purpose then by seeking out the one and only and perfect place that will suit your purpose.

Merriam dictionary also says: Paradise is “an imaginary place or state of utter perfection and happiness” So we have all been searching for an imaginary place of utter perfection? Did we somehow miss this definition in school growing up? I am not sure which is more difficult to track down – finding the imaginary place or one of utter perfection.

I looked a little further and found the origin of the word paradise.

“ Middle English paradis, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin paradisus, from Greek paradeisos, literally, enclosed park, of Iranian origin; akin to Avestan pairi-daēza– enclosure; akin to Greek peri around and to Greek teichos wall ”

The origin of this word seems to describe the feelings I have personally when trying to define the word or search out this state for myself. I sometimes feel enclosed or boxed in, as if I have to follow Paradise’s prescribed notions. It was like Paradise itself had set up a boundary for me to search for something that may not exist instead of searching for and observing the things that do exist in my world right in front of me that bring happiness.

Well, where else would you go when lost in search of paradise?

Wikipedia of course: This is how it is defined there:

“Paradise is a religious or metaphysical term for a place in which existence is positive, harmonious and eternal. It is conceptually a counter-image of the supposed miseries of human civilization, and in paradise there is only peace, prosperity, and happiness. Paradise is a place of contentment, but it is not necessarily a land of luxury and idleness”

To me this seems like a bit more of a realistic description. Maybe its a post modern paradise?

I believe paradise can only be a place or state in which we interpret and experience individually. It is an existence that we can build for ourselves holding reality and positivity as a guide while, at the same time, letting go of all expectations of others’ definitions of perfection. It’s somewhere in the realization that we do not deserve, find or are given paradise – we create it.

So go ahead and find your own sweet spot wherever you are. Whether it’s in zen meditation, staring out the window of a car, waxing a car, playing guitar or taking 30 second videos… enjoy the process however you plan or live it out and don’t feel judged – it’s your own private paradise after all.

9/14/13

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the art of a flexible life plan

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This month’s existential chapter began with many open ended questions to examine. Questions that most of us have thought about from time to time and questions that a few of us have obsessed over and struggled with for years.

“What is the purpose of existence? Where did we come from? Where are we going? and why?

Honestly, I have to agree with Brad Warner (author of “Hardcore Zen” suggested reading from this month’s chapter writer) He says,

“Purpose deals with goals, direction, and stuff that is going to happen in the future.” And “Wherever we came from is over and done. – I want to know what this is – this place right here, this state of mind right now. What is this?” And he ends the prologue of his book with the most important question, in my opinion,

“Who are you really? And what really is that thing that you so confidently call your life?”

Well, after practicing meditation for only a week I have not come closer to any clear answers for those questions yet, but I can say that the act of living out these chapters thus far has helped me understand a lot more about who I really am and who I am becoming each new moment.

—-

It seems like we all spend a lot of time worrying about the future “what is going to happen to me? Where will I end up? What will I be doing? Will I do something meaningful in this world? All this anxiety created solely by our egos, making us believe that the answers to those questions matter more than what it is we are doing and being now and who we are right now. Our egos have also helped us believe that not knowing the answers to these questions is a bad thing. We grow up with parents feeding our egos and being told that we need to know what we want to be, what we want to do and how we are going to do it. I was never clued in that I would have to continue wrestling with these questions after I have “grown up” and ultimately until I die. I somehow thought there was some magic age where I would have figured it out.

Although I have been asked several times, I actually have never ever made a 5, 10, year, or even 1 year life plan. Those who know me, know that I have problems even planning a week ahead of time these days. It somehow seems that the older I get the less attracted I am to planning out or planning for my future. I thought about it quite a bit in my twenties but my concern about doing this has dropped off in the past five years. Some people who organize their goals and timeline differently than I, have been perplexed/frustrated with the way in which I navigate my decisions. I am aware that this request to plan is given with the best of intentions. It could only bring shape, clarity or direction to my path and may help me reach ambitious plateaus that I couldn’t even dream of reaching. However when asked to do this I often feel constricted and question if an ambitious plateau or a sense of direction is what I really want to strive for. I feel that I have done really well fluttering about buzzing from one thing to the next pollinating each new experience and place with something new. I have enjoyed watching my life unfold in unexpected ways.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of planning. I use to be a teacher. And there is no way that I would ever stand in front of a room of 25 plus kids without a plan of how to engage my students’ attention while teaching them a new skill or idea in a short 45 minute session. But teaching also taught me this: you just never know what life (or small children) might throw at you AND you can’t assume that even your best laid plan will work with each new student, scenario, or day that comes. Teaching (along with extensive travel) has really helped me adjust my thinking and adopt the mentality of walking into the unknown with a welcoming attitude.

I realized that when I resisted the flow of the changing moods of my students or direction of the day, I would miss out on opportunities, learning, alertness, and awareness that always came with the challenge of adapting to the present situation.

I also understand that I may be a bit different from most. Many people accomplish great tasks and goals by mapping out intricate and detailed plans. This makes so much sense when you are trying to accomplish intricate, specific and detailed goals. Maybe its hard to believe but I feel very clear on what my goals are, they just are not specific or attached to things like jobs, possessions, or particular people. Maybe that’s is why its been so difficult to find a direct and simple path to them. If I had to some up my goals, I would have to say that I have been working toward keeping a mindset of happiness. (Aren’t we all doing this?) What helps me keep that state of happiness seems to change from year to year but when thinking about it I came up with these life goals to help me do this.

1. I want to continue to create and nourish positive relationships with others

2. I want to continue doing work that is meaningful and/or useful for myself and others

3. I want to continue to learn, create and explore new things in ways that make me feel alive.

4. I want to continue to be adaptable to my changing surroundings and open to new opportunities that come my way

I created the Living Chapters project with these goals in mind. So if you think about it, Living Chapters itself is a bit of a 1-year life plan. It has timeline, goals, structure, and accountability built-in.

The main difference is this: I created Living Chapters because I wanted to see what would happen if I stopped worrying about future planning for a year and just focused on the living, reacting, and reflecting upon my current situation. I also wanted to see what would happen if I let go of my need to control, curate each next step. Could I become more open to new opportunities and experiences? More comfortable with not knowing what was coming (the unknown in general) and comfortable with letting go of complete control over my life? It’s an illusion that we have any form of control anyway.

So I planned Living Chapters instead of a making a life plan and decided that if I wanted to know more about who I am and what I wanted that I needed to fully explore and determine what I care about, what I believe, and what my unique talents and qualities are before making any plans. (this is what I hope Living Chapters will bring)

Instead of figuring out a direct plan for my future, what I want to do is hone the skills that will help me to arrive at it organically. I need to figure out how to stop doubting my inner guidance and innate skills and become more comfortable trusting, even if it means moving forward into unknown territories or into things that are out of my control.

With all that said and my resistance to planning, This is my first stab at giving Amy’s “life plan” challenge a go. I may come back to this in greater detail later in the month, we’ll see where the month takes me.

1 year from now: Assessment/Reflection

Next fall in September 2014, a few months after Living Chapters project is completed I will assess and reflect upon the experiences that this yearlong experiment has given me before making any more life decisions. Looking at how or if the process has affected my path, I will document those reflections through some chosen creative process. At this point I will decide whether it be public or private but the key is the act of reflection and sharing it with at least those I care about.

5 years from now: Consistency within Change

When I was 12 or 13 I wrote somewhere in a journal that “the only consistent thing in my life was change” I could not have been more right and through some self-fulfilling prophecy it still rings true at age 36. I don’t think this is a bad thing though and I don’t think I lack all consistency in my life today but by the time I reach 41 I would like to introduce elements of consistency into my life. I would like to be consistent with my actions, and my way of being. Can I stay consistently involved with my community? Can I consistently stay active and healthy? Can I consistently be working my creative mind? In five years I will develop a structure for implementing consistency.

10 years from now: Exit Ambition – Move to Meaning

In ten years from now, I would love to be free of egocentric ambition and move to more meaningful personal pursuits, while becoming a bit less serious. (is this possible?) I have been working on this goal for a couple of years now but feel it will take at least a good 10 more years to even make a dent in this process. It takes a while to de-program all that ambition/ego drive that lives within us!

I am not sure how Zen all this planning has been but it sure sounds ambitious doesn’t it? For now, back to meditation.

9/11/13

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zentember

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Oh how I welcome September’s new challenges. As I transition into the theme of this next chapter, I will try to hold on to the acute mindfulness that I gained in the chapter three but bring it inward. The external environmental questions have naturally led me closer to the examination of internal questions that are laid out before me this month. I also feel that I will pull much from what I learned in chapter one’s Body/Kinesthetic challenge to help me achieve this month’s goals.

Being asked to turn inward for answers, peace and calm comes at a good time as I find myself transitioning again, not only into a new season, but into a new home. I bid goodbye to “Meridan Summer” (the sail boat I was living on) at the end of August and have just moved aboard and welcomed “Morning Star” to begin my existential chapter. I am hoping that this change of shelter will assist me as I try to shift into a new state of mind.

Changing environments can be rejuvenating, but I do still find uprooting myself to be a stressful experience. However, the timing of this move may quite possibly be the perfect time to be entering into a meditation practice. It can’t possibly hurt to bring stillness, focus, and quiet to my life during a time that often brings chaos, disorder and questions.

Unlike Amy, I have not read much on meditation or traditional Buddhist philosophies. I also have very little book knowledge or experience with the act of meditation itself. What I do know I learned through doing yoga in which I practiced the art of focusing directly on controlling my breath and my physical body through different poses. I learned how controlled breath works to both calm my mind and enliven the muscles in my body. Yoga practice has helped me slow down and become more intentional and aware of both mind and body. When I first came to yoga, I started with the intention of wanting some kind of result from it. I wanted a form of physical exercise that would bring benefits to my body/mind and wanted a structure or practice that could help ground me when feeling particularly overwhelmed or stressed. I did not start yoga with a desire to develop spiritually or philosophically. However in the 9 years of experimenting with different forms of yoga, I have become more and more curious and open to learning about how to expand and grow spiritually. Body, mind, our actions and the act of being with ourselves and with others? How does this all connect?

I do feel lucky that yoga has given me a bit of experience with the posture and the breathing needed to learn and practice meditation, but what I really would like to learn more about at this point is “the attitude of mind”. When reading Amy’s suggested guidelines from the “American Zen Association”, this excerpt really resonated with me.

“Mushotoku is the attitude of non-profit, of not wanting to gain anything for yourself. It is essential to true Zen practice. Giving without expecting to receive, abandoning everything without fear of losing, observing oneself.”

“Abandoning everything without fear of losing, observing oneself” WOW … how freeing would that be if I could truly adopt and practice that. “If you abandon all you will obtain all” hmmmm…. Definitely thoughts to mediate on in the next month.

It’s a long journey to reach these goals I am sure, but as always I need to start somewhere. So here I am. I will start by instituting 30 seconds of stillness breaks throughout each day in September with the goal of stretching these mid day breaks from 30 seconds to 30 minutes of stillness throughout the month. I will also begin a new mediation practice of 20 minutes before bed and 20 minutes after waking of traditional Zen meditation.

Sharing my first attempt at this mediation practice somehow feels even more personal and revealing than sharing my shower habits last month but here goes, we can’t learn anything if we don’t share anything right? I am open to hearing your experiences, comments and suggestions so please chime in if you have helpful thoughts that may guide me forward.

Below are my steps in my self guided mediation practice: (note these are my personal instructions to myself not suggestions for how others should practice)

1. Deal with all external factors first that may distract me: Sound, temperature, bathroom break, spatial issues etc

2. Sit comfortably in folded leg position with hands palm face up open on knees, holding my posture as straight as I can – sometimes I sit on a few folded towels and let my knees fall forward to the ground.

3. Set my meditation timer and start it.

4. Find a spot in front of me to fix my eyes upon (not looking directly at something but rather resting my eyes lightly on something) I keep my eyes open for my morning mediation and am practicing with my eyes shut for evening mediation.

5. Start breathing in and out through my nose using a 3-part breath filling my belly, my chest and my esophagus and then releasing the breath in the same order. (Its audible and slow, taking maybe 4 full seconds to come in and 4 to fully go out)

6. Focus my breathing and connect it to a visual element. (for example: I imagine white light coming into my body with the inhale and then imagine the light leaving and radiating around the body with the exhale – sometimes I imagine floating on the ocean and the tide coming in with the inhale and the tide going out with the exhale – this one especially works for me when meditating on the boat!)

7. Set an intention. My intention is simply gaining a greater awareness of either my mind, body, or attitude. I will accept what does or does not happen. As I am just starting this practice, I am not really sure what mediation is or should be. I just will accept whatever happens in this 20 minutes of stillness and try to learn from it.

8. When the time is up. I take written notes on the process, how it changes from day-to-day and make lists of what I am calling the “mmm” thoughts (monkey mind moments – re-occurring thoughts that hang around bothering me, jumping from one thing to the next)

My initial assumption of meditation was that it would be a time to simply empty out the thoughts that fill my head on a daily basis – a time of peace and solitude. But in these initial stages, I realize that it’s a place that all thoughts will arise to the surface and live (positive or negative). And now I feel that its ok to let them. I am grateful that Amy built writing the thoughts down into the week’s challenge. It is helping me to become aware of the issues and things in my life that are causing me anxiety or using my energy. Looking at them on paper has helped me separate myself from them and look at them for what they are. Just thoughts. As I said, I am not sure yet what this practice is or will bring but for now I will fall back on what the American Zen Association says,

“Zen students develop wisdom if they are vigilant in their Zen practice, in their effort to know themselves, to go beyond themselves, to give of themselves without expecting any personal gain. If you abandon all, you will obtain all.”

9/6/13

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30 seconds of stillness

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Before responding in writing to September’s thought-provoking questions, I would like to take a moment to pause — and transition slowly into this new chapter.

I admit I have a problem slowing down, not only physically but also mentally. When I am not multitasking I am thinking about a million things and planning others. I often need to remind myself to be present, here and now in the moment.

In an effort to slow my movements and my mind in preparation for my new meditation practice, I am instituting “30 seconds of stillness” breaks throughout the day. Here is the first, of what I hope to become daily, documentation.

9/4/13

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protagonist parting words

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Chapter 3 is about to close and I have to admit, I am a little relieved. Andy and Kermit were right! It really isn’t easy being green. Being asked to chart my every move, every dollar and watching how my decisions impact both my immediate physical environment and the greater eco-system has been eye-opening and quite frankly upsetting. I had always considered myself someone who cared about the environment and thought my habits were not so harmful but I now realize, after monitoring my actions, just how hypocritical and inconsistent I can be. I purchase local meat, veggies and fruit but also buy wine from Spain and Italy, avocados from Peru and clothes made in Cambodia. I’ll save energy by choosing the lifestyle of living on a boat but don’t choose the lifestyle in which I don’t need a car to go to work. I’ll compost my food product waste but will waste gas driving to a place that I can dispose of my compost. Trying to make positive choices has not been a simple process.

But alas this month ends, and I am free of this personal eco-awareness experiment. I no longer have to count each mile I drive, how many minutes my showers run, and how many times I flush a toilet. I no longer will track all this information in a publicly viewed spreadsheet nor am I accountable to my Living Chapter writer Andy. Phew, I made it through! But really, am I free of the consequences of my choices because this part of my project is over? Aren’t we all accountable to each other when faced with these environmental issues? Is this not something we are all going to have to deal with together at some point? Unfortunately we cannot all be free from the outcomes of the choices we make at the end of this month. The real implications of our habits and decisions have a much greater impact than winning or losing Andy’s Cap and Trade game.

So even as the month ends, I am still struggling with a lot of difficult questions that were raised over the past four weeks. How do we convince our society to make changes as a whole? Can we separate our environmental issues from our social justice and economic class divide issues? How do we change our educational structure to include environmental practices…umm I could go on.

So I may not have answers to any of these bigger questions but the good news is this: I have learned some things about myself this month.

On the practical side: I can actually do a lot myself to make a difference. And in the simple altering of my daily habits I actually realized that these changes were really not that difficult and have been good for me personally along with being better for the environment. When I save energy/water I am saving money. When I am eating organic and local foods, I am eating healthier. There are a ton of easy and practical tools and ideas for everyday folks to learn how to make better choices for ourselves and more efficient choices with our resources.

On the philosophical side: I gained a lot of insights writing and enacting my “opinion pieces”. Reflecting on what I care about most and engaging strangers in dialogue about their concerns and ideas, brought me much closer to pin-pointing and understanding what my own role could be in helping to better our environment.

I realized that my greatest advocacy tool is my ability to listen. Through listening and community engagement I can make a much larger impact by bringing new voices and greater awareness to any issue than by just sharing my own voice alone. Any change starts with one person caring about something and making conscious choices to do something about it. My hope is that engaging people to examine themselves, their motives, and their environments more closely will make them want to advocate and protect the things they care about. I think that if we don’t start spending time finding out what others care about and are motivated by we may never motivate enough people to join the collaborative efforts we need to move forward. So I will continue to ask of others opinions!

In my public opinion piece, I asked a stranger on the street to share with me what he thought the best solution was for engaging people in environmental advocacy issues. He responded with this quote.

“An affordable solution to environmental problems is mindful awareness.”

This left a lasting impression on me. I agree entirely and feel that our own mindfulness really is the first place in which we can start working on this issue. I think we all could afford to become a bit more mindful in general (and especially concerning our environment). Let’s start as individuals and model our practices and habits as a community.

I want to thank Andy for pushing me to become more intentional and mindful in my own actions this month as well as asking me to reflect upon my own opinions and what I care about.

8/31/13

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can i ask your opinion?

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In response to being asked to create “opinion pieces” on environmental advocacy issues this month, I started thinking critically about what my opinions are on advocacy in general and what my approach would be in advocating an issue. In my last opinion piece posted, I mentioned that I consider asking other’s opinions and listening to others perspectives as my own form of advocating. I believe engaging people in dialogue is the first and most important step in bringing attention to any issue so I thought I would give it a go. I have been out of practice talking to the public and have not engaged with my actual environment (downtown Annapolis) since I arrived here 5 months ago, so I thought I would do both of these things for the creation of my second opinion piece. The photos below are documentation of the opinion experiment I conducted in the Annapolis Harbor.

My focus topic: Advocacy

My first question: “Can I ask your opinion?”

My second question: “If you had to convince someone to believe something or do something that you really cared about, what would you do first? Would you listen to their opinion on the topic, or would you share your opinion about why you believe what you believe?”

My third question: If you were going to advocate for or against one environmental issue what issue do you care about most and want to bring awareness to?

The answers:

Out of the 42 people who I talked with, 29 people said they would LISTEN first than before sharing an opinion when trying to advocate a position and 13 people said they would SHARE first then listen. When I asked “why listen first?” Some people expressed the desire to have the last word in a conversation saying that the last thing heard is what would stick the most. However, the majority of the people I talked to said that finding out where the other person was coming from first would give them a better understanding of how to communicate their own opinion to them. One person made the comment that first there MUST be even a common fundamental understanding and knowledge around the issue at hand before trying to convince them on any topic one way or the other. How might someone be convinced to buy organic vegetables if they have spent their entire lives growing up in the inner city and have never set foot on a farm? Or if they have never shopped in a place where they organic vegetables are even offered?

About half of the people who stopped to give their opinions stayed to have a longer conversation with me and shared their own perspectives and concerns on environmental issues. Below are some ideas and questions that they brought up in conversation and wanted to bring awareness to.

Here are a few more opinions….

“An affordable solution to environmental problems is mindful awareness”

“How can we reduce our waste/impact on the environment?”

“As the population grows, how can we find a way to decrease air pollution?”

“How do we get everyone on board in supporting environmental policies? A forceful change? Are affordable ways really affordable?”

“How much gas are we really using?”

“Is overpopulation an environmental issue?”

“Take the politics out of decision-making concerning the environment”

“Convert chicken waste into fuel/energy (md specific)”

So you might be asking what did I find in doing this short-lived experiment? What was the result or outcome? Well, I am not sure there is a specific outcome, as I was not searching for one. It definitely was not a scientific experiment of any sort devised to solve any problems. My goals were to engage people in dialogue about their advocacy methods and to find out specifically what people care about concerning the environment. And I think I did both just by asking for their opinions.

What about you… what is your opinion? Would you share your ideas and knowledge first when advocating a position or would you listen to another persons perspective first? And what environmental issues do you feel passionately about to advocate for or against. Please share your feedback here or on the Living Chapters Facebook page

Photos below are brought to you by my good friend Howard who came out to document my experiment – THANK YOU to everyone who stopped to talk to me for participating.

8/28/13

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IMHO

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As a part of this month’s chapter challenges, I was asked to write opinion pieces on environmental advocacy issues. When I read this request, I have to admit I cringed.

I am not an op-ed writer, a scientist, or a researcher. I have never studied ecology issues, botany, climate change, sea –level rise, or any topics related to the environment. There are a lot of people out there advocating about things that they just don’t know that much about and I vowed when starting this blog that I was not going to become one of them. This blog was created for the purpose of sharing and questioning my personal beliefs rather than advocating or convincing others to believe or adopt my beliefs.

With that said, it does not mean I do not have opinions to share and that I don’t care about environmental issues. I have very strong opinions about the environment, the work that I do and advocacy in general. I just prefer to share them in dialogues or in informal blog posts rather than in op-ed letters. More importantly, I believe that anyone who advocates their opinions in public should have a solid knowledge of the topic they’re discussing or equal personal experience to base their ideas on. I admittedly do not possess the knowledge on either topic of “water quality in the Chesapeake Bay” or “natural gas extraction”. So, sorry to say, I will not be fulfilling this particular “Living Chapters” task in the way that it was suggested.

I will however share some of my opinions on advocacy with you. I believe in advocacy. I think it works when there is complete dedication, knowledge and passion behind it. Advocating is very much like campaigning – using all your efforts and networks to help others understand why you believe what you believe. Often it comes off negative, saying that the person or groups that you are trying to reach, are in the wrong. Can you tell me how you feel when someone says that your heartfelt belief about something is wrong? In my opinion, it is not a good way to try to get anyone to come around to understanding your way of looking at things. (think about the political campaigns in the past 10 years, did any of those candidates reach you with any of their campaign strategies?)

In my opinion, the key to good advocacy work is engaging people with the topics in which you are advocating. Connect with your target audience and engage them with the advocacy issue(s) in a personal way. Find out what your audience cares about and why they care before telling them what they should believe.

Advocate by asking.

So if I had to advocate for anything? I would advocate listening. I believe listening, followed with dialogue are the two crucial elements in moving toward collective change and problem solving of any kind.

Throughout my entire career, my work has often been confused with direct advocacy work because of the nature of the topics I have focused on and the populations that I have worked with. Topics have included: education and youth, social justice, homelessness, eminent domain, drug addiction, diversity, and the environment. The focus and goal of my work has been to encourage people within the communities I work in to use their own voices and engage with the issues that are important and relevant to them. The key has always been finding out what is important to them.

I find that I am actually pretty good at doing this. It may seem like a weakness to some people, but I believe that one of my biggest talents is my ability to “not advocate” or share my individual voice or strong opinion on issues. In other words… I am a good listener.

This trait alone has enabled me to be welcomed into a variety of organizations, groups, cultures and communities. Being open neutral and welcoming to any and all perspectives when encountering those with different ideas and opinions than my own, has provided me with numerous learning opportunities.

I cannot tell you how many times I have gained trust, built a relationship and gotten further into dialogue with someone by simply asking them to share their opinions before sharing my own. If you are genuinely interested in hearing and learning about someone else they will genuinely express themselves, open up to you and become more willing to listen and engage honestly.

My background in practicing this skill is what most likely landed me my current job at the Maryland Humanities Council. I was hired on to develop one, of their many, dialogue programs Practicing Democracy. This program uses the humanities (film, speakers, literature, and media) to bring Marylanders together for civic dialogue around polarizing community issues. The main challenge in developing this program is to create a place for ALL opinions and voices to be heard and shared in neutral and safe spaces. Another challenge is engaging those diverse voices in the dialogue who have not previously been involved. How do you get people with opposing opinions to really listen to one another? And if they do come together can they find any common ground?

Well, the jury is still out on both of these questions as we are still experimenting in the ongoing evolution of the program. But in the three years doing these dialogue experiments, I have learned this: The desire for dialogue and thee need for a neutral convener is present. In each of our programs, we have been successful in bringing diverse voices to the table and we have been successful in highlighting and bringing new awareness to the chosen community dialogue topics. How did we do this? We asked for opinions and we asked for personal stories. To succeed in our goals of bringing diverse voices and perspectives together, we needed to leave advocating for or against issues out of the picture entirely. Instead we focused on community engagement, listening to what people cared about and inviting as many people as possible into the discussion no matter what their opinion was.

So yes, I have heard a lot of opinions in my work and have diligently kept my own mouth shut in order to do so. (Although sometimes not an easy task) Through this process I have learned to accept that everyone has their own truth. Some truths are backed by facts or numbers (science) some by personal life or work experience, some are based in faith and some are based in nothing I can understand or agree with. What I do understand though is that if you tell someone their truth is wrong and your truth is right before listening to them, a dialogue is not possible. Without dialogue a compromise is not possible, and without compromise collective change is less likely. And as far as the advocating for the environment – I believe we can all make individual choices and changes. This will help on a small-scale and at a slow pace. But if we want to see monumental progress we need to figure out how to work together and change collectively. And in my humble opinion, if we are going to start working together we have to start listening to one another first.

8/26/13

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lost in the supermarket? go fishing!

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It’s only been a few days since I have been tracking my spending habits and I am convinced that almost every decision and purchase that I make has some kind of negative impact on the environment. My mind is spinning with all sorts of questions. Where was the item made? How did it travel here? What is it made of and who made it? What are the different ingredients in it? I thought I was going to have a panic attack standing in the aisles of the local Giant food store peering at all the endless items lining the shelves that I couldn’t buy without racking up the anti-environment points (and guilt for making poor choices). There were very few things for sale that didn’t have wasteful packaging, foreign chemicals, or wasn’t imported from across the world. The only reason I made it out of the store point free is because I gave up and didn’t buy anything.

Who knew shopping would become as complicated a process as hunting down your own food. I started thinking about what I would do if I had to hunt down food sources in this area of the world. What could sustain me? Well besides being surrounded by a ton of fine restaurants, I am surrounded by water after all. Fishing seemed like a much better idea than dumpster diving for fancy food leftovers.

A few weekends ago my friend and fellow liveaboard Suzanne invited me out on her boat for the afternoon. We dropped anchor and made an effort at catching our lunch. I was curious about what kind of fish were living in the waters I have been floating on. I did not fare so well with the fishing but the friends with me caught quite a few – unfortunately not big enough to keep and eat. All of them were croakers (not dead fish – that is their actual name! they make a unique croaking sound when out of water – I guess I would too, if I was hanging from a hook by my mouth)

Anyway, the outing inspired me to eat more fish for dinner. Even though I didn’t catch any fish, I did hunt these croakers down at the local Annapolis Seafood Market. The salesmen there are very knowledgeable, friendly, and gave me great cooking and recipe advice as well. I have become an instant fan of this place and have been back a few times, trying a few different kinds of local fish. AND the local fish were less expensive! It was the first frugal find in this eating local adventure.

So besides the Annapolis seafood market, my other favorite green shopping experience has to be my local farmer’s market that is a short walk from the marina I live in. This time of year is amazing for it! Good weather, good food and good people. I found yogurt made with raw milk, fresh fruit, free-range local eggs beautiful veggies and local grass-fed beef burgers. Finally, a place where all of my choices were good choices!

I came home very happy with my purchases but couldn’t help realizing that I spent double than I would have at the grocery store. Yes I do believe that better food and healthier food is worth the extra money but I also am realistic in saying that if I did make this a habit I would have to sacrifice my spending elsewhere or will just have to start making more $$ weekly. Both doable goals but will take more planning and intention.

So how can I continue to eat well without breaking bank?

Well a few other ideas surfaced when visiting Easton MD, my former neighborhood on the Eastern Shore of MD (where a lot of the local produce comes from in Annapolis). Making this drive across the Bay Bridge racked up my “cap and trade” points for the day, but it was well worth the trip. I was able to visit my favorite fair-trade local coffee shop Rise Up coffee and also catch up with some great friends. I stopped in to see future Living Chapters wild card Doug Sadler and his wife Linda before heading back to Annapolis. Doug and I worked on a story telling/dialogue project (Let’s Be Shore) on land use, agriculture and water quality issues last year when I was living in Easton. He and his wife were interested in hearing how my “environment” chapter was going. While there I got to meet Linda’s sister Jena who works for the organic farm Cottingham Farm in Easton MD. She dropped by bringing bags and bags of beautiful organic vegetables. I was lucky enough to be invited to stay for dinner and got to taste test some of them! YUM. It was really great to talk with Jena about her job at Cottingham Farm. It made me realize that if I felt organic veggies were too expensive to purchase all the time maybe I could get a job or trade my time and volunteer at a farm. Or I could sign up for a CSA (a community supported agriculture share) or share a CSA with some friends. These were all options that could give me better access to this great food and the good practice of growing food organically. Not only did I go home with a full belly of delicious food that night but Doug and Linda sent me home with bags of excess vegetables from their CSA.

Check out Cottingham Farm to learn more about the benefits of organic farming.

Special thank goes out to Suzanne Wheeler who got me out fishing this month! She also writes a great blog about living aboard. Many thanks also go out to good friends Doug and Linda Sadler for feeding me and generously sending me home with delicious Cottingham Farm vegetables.

My latest shopping soundtrack:

8/24/13

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put your money where your mouth is

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So Dave – You hit on the real point system that we all tally daily $$$ ! What DO we spend our money on? And how does the way in which we spend our dollar really affect our environment (far more than any of my showering habits ever could?)

Maybe we all have been a bit too cerebral when examining the environmental challenge this month. Yes, I do believe that making personal changes in our daily lives and habits can make a huge positive impact on our immediate environment – but how are we going to get the majority of people to follow suit, when even I, as a middle class single person, have a hard time keeping up with all the right choices. Let’s get real for a moment… what is the one thing that the large majority of people pay the most attention to when faced with making a purchasing or personal life decision?

I think it often comes down to two things:

1. Is this something that I really want or care about?

And of course

2. Can I afford it?

I believe that this is the reality that most people, (including myself) consider first. We look into our wallets, before examining our personal belief systems about how we might be impacting positively or negatively on the environment when using our dollar. I am not judging anyone for doing this – I do it myself and understand fully why I choose to be frugal first.

I do wish however that this could be different. Are there ways of getting around financial constraints when making our purchasing decisions? Are there ways of making the enviro-friendly choice, not only more appealing and desirable to the general public, but also more affordable and accessible? These are challenges we will all need to face when trying to advocate or adopt major societal shifts in approaching better environmental practices. Or they simply will not work.

Yes! Doing the small things that you can do does help! Keep doing it! But can we think bigger and figure out a way that more of us can also participate in this effort? Wouldn’t it be great if we could collectively get past the overlying question of “Can we afford it?” and instead start examining the questions of “How can we make healthy and positive choices affordable?” and “How will these choices better my life as an individual?”

How we get there I am not sure. But it is possible.

Sorry Dave, am I getting too cerebral again? I digress. In Dave’s wildcard challenge – he specifically asks me to think about how I am spending my dollar. The task is to really think about what I am purchasing and its impact on the environment positive or negative. Well believe me – I am thinking about it! It’s like a labyrinth that I’ve wandered into and I am afraid of never finding my way out. However, instead of getting lost in the constant confusion of the Cap and Trade point system, adding and subtracting everything I purchase as well as every mile I drive. I will simply make a focused effort to record and reflect upon what I am purchasing. Am I capable of putting my money where my mouth is?

If you have ideas or examples of food, products or services that you feel are both good for the environment and affordable please do share them with me! I will need all the help I can get with this task!

8/20/13

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you left the water running…

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I loved reading Andy’s feedback on his own “Cap and Trade” adventures – we have had some serious and long conversations about this game thus far but I had no idea he was showering with a bucket!! Good on ya Andy! The only time I did that I was in a small village in Tanzania where there was no running water in any homes for miles. Everyone in the village shared one water tank/cistern. You had to use a bucket to bathe, do laundry and dishes. It took some getting use to but I got pretty good at it by the end of my time there. When I knew I was taking from the same water supply that everyone else was taking from, it really made me think about how much water I really needed compared to how much I actually normally use in my American home.

With this in mind, I also have tried to really become aware of my water current usage. I have not been quite as resourceful as Andy (carrying a bucket down the dock with me to the shower did not enter my mind), but I have been experimenting with a few other techniques in saving water outside of adopting the “if its yellow let it mellow” motto. I have been trying to collect rainwater when I can with my own bucket on the deck of the boat. When I am successful at collecting it – I use it for doing dishes. I have also been reusing the water used to hard boil my eggs in the morning or make pasta with for washing my dishes.

Like Andy, I realized that showering was a huge waste of water, so I started to zero in on this one aspect to see if I could change my habits. I have not been collecting my excess shower water but I have been making more of an effort to conserve the water that I currently am using in the shower. As I mentioned before, I live in a marina that has shared bathroom facilities. One of the things I really like about this set up is that the bathrooms are equipped with both energy and water conserving mechanisms. The lights are on a timer dial and the shower has an on/off valve to set the water pressure.

To start off attempting to cut my water use, I started showering every other day instead of daily and sometimes (gasp!) I go 2 days without showering. I also have tried shortening the length of my shower, using the timer that controls the lights in the bathroom. I set the timer for 10 minutes and if I am in the shower for over that 10 minutes the lights will go out leaving me in complete darkness. (there are no windows in the bathroom) This is a great incentive to shower efficiently! Each day I have been trying to beat my record for the shortest shower. My best as of now is 5 minutes. I also realized that when showering there is no reason the water needs to be on the entire time. Like Andy noted, so much water runs wastefully down the drain. I think the best way to save it is to lower the water pressure or turn it off entirely. I started just turning the water off or down to a drip when lathering up or washing my hair. And then turn it back on when I need to rinse.

Out of everything that I am doing to avoid points or subtract them, I think this particular effort is the one practice that has easily become a habit and will most likely stick. I never thought I would be sharing my personal showering habits with an online public (super weird!) but I think it’s actually an effort that anyone could adopt easily that could potentially save a lot on our water usage and bills. My marinas shower has a nozzle similar to this one. It is under $10. Order one now! There is NO reason not to try it out! Please share some more ideas for water conservation if you have them. Every drop in the bucket counts.

8/16/13

This has been my theme song for the past few weeks… and yes you might find me singing this one in the shower.

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