Category Archives: Protagonist Post

logic and order

Yesterday I opened up the July chapter sitting with my mother caught hostage in the emergency room of a hospital in Hershey PA. The emergency had passed the night before, but we had been there for hours and hours stuck between her actually being admitted to the hospital or being able to go home. As my mother noted many times, July 1 is the day when all new doctors start their residencies and the experienced ones have moved on, so there was nothing logical or orderly about our experience there. (Word of advice: if you’re going to end up in the emergency room, don’t do it on July 1^st) Anyway, To pass the time we read the new challenge and reminisced about all the crazy things I have done, and even laughed a bit about Gabe’s accurate descriptions of our old crappy apartments and weird roommates.

Logic and order was exactly what we were in need of yesterday and it is sometimes just the right remedy in an emergency or chaotic situation. Reading Gabe’s sobering prescription was a good thing for both of us to focus on in the midst of a very emotional and disorderly experience. Gabe, has always been able to successfully bring both humor and logic into any situation and scenario no matter how difficult it seems. I will definitely learn from him this month.

My life has never been void of both positive as well as negative emotional, dramatic, and spontaneous adventures but both logic and order have always been a bit more elusive for me. I have to admit, I was really kind of worried about what I would be thrown into this month and if I would be able to make it happen after operating my entire adult life more on instinct and feeling rather than logic or order.

“How practical!” My mom complimented Gabe’s chapter idea. Then she quickly followed with “But how the heck are you going to put 10+ years of experiences together in 4 weeks?”

Quickly his logical prescription was giving me a side effect of a mild panic attack. Hmmm… not sure, how am I going to take on one more technology challenge to my plate right now (with the Living Chapters blog and my new work project both vying for my Macbook’s attention). Can I somehow pull together and organize the last 10 years of my creative professional life in such a short period of time? I have always been too busy in the middle of one project to even think about the work or project that I just finished – and now look at me, I have put it off so long that it seems… overwhelming! It kind of amounts to looking at over 20 projects and through at least 10,000 images. I thought organizing the work in a text only resume alone was hard! Ok time to take my own advice…

…in case of emergency, first – be creative, second – simplify things and of course next – ask for help

Can you help? (please!)

1. As a former photographer, community artist, story collector, and visual junkie. I am looking for a professional portfolio-hosting site that offers something more visually and stylistically appealing than mahara.com. Oh! And maybe something that a non-tech savvy person as myself can handle? Do you have suggestions?

2. Do you have a personal portfolio that you would like to share that would inspire me? Something with unique design, layout, media etc.

3. If you know me, have worked with me, or know my work in the past 10 years – could you share a program, story or project that you feel I should highlight? (post here or on Facebook)

Please share your ideas by posting here to the blog, on the LIving Chapters Facebook page or sending me a comment.

Thank you for your ideas!

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Visit the June Gallery for images and videos from the first chapter.

protagonist parting words

Leave a reply

The first chapter closes and many of you ask me, “What have I learned?” “Do I feel any different?” “What do I think of this so far?” Well the answer to pretty much all of these questions is …

Dunno yet? What I do know, is that the past four weeks have been a lot of fun. (Minus the absence of ice cream and chocolate from my diet – that is not so fun) The process has been positive, it generated great conversations, helped me widen my network of amazing people, convinced at least 4 people I know to start jumping rope and motivated a few others to start their own personal growth projects.

What about long-lasting outcomes? Hmmm…

After giving this first month a go, I am not sure yet if 4 weeks is enough time to create entirely new habits or fully break others. I can’t say I have come to any illuminating or drastic change. But the month has told me that I don’t think drastic change is required for progress to occur.

I am going to continue on with pieces of this first chapter, as much as I am able to, moving forward. The simple healthy diet is definitely a keeper. It really only took a bit of pressure and a few suggestions to realign my eating habits. I’m not sure whether its the actual food choices or the process of making these choices that is making me feel better, but it is working so l’m sticking with it! (with the addition of ice cream of course) I also want to stay active. I mean I can not fathom how I would ever sit at a computer for more than 2 hours again and NOT get up to jump rope or at least walk around the block? And a weekly yoga practice (if not daily) is necessary for both my muscles and my mind.

But, like Joe, running is not my cup of tea. I know I only devoted a miniscule amount of time to it, but I am pretty sure I will not independently choose to incorporate it into my lifestyle. When the doctor told me to stop jogging on the sore ankle – I can’t say I did not feel a bit relieved along with a bit of guilt knowing that Joe was still loyally making it around the track daily. But when he told me that I had to stop jumping rope, I felt really frustrated! This new activity brought me joy and just as much heart pounding action as the jogging did. I just found jumping rope a lot more fun and easy to fit in my day. I surprisingly found that I wanted to make more time in my day for jumping rope, swimming, yoga and walking rather than feeling like I had to do it. So the jump rope journal will continue when my ankle is properly healed.

It took my bum ankle and an extremely unusual wild card before I realized the main lessons for June though. The take-away for me is this; if I become even a bit more intentional in my actions and if I truly listen to what my body is telling me through the senses rather than the surface, I will be and feel healthier. This of course was simply spelled out for me on day one, in Joe’s chapter, but I guess I had to hear it (or in my case feel it) for myself to understand fully. With one lesson learned, I am excited about what the upcoming challenges will bring.

As the confidant noted, the most difficult aspect of all of this thus far, has not been any of these specific tasks, but the overwhelming change of going from leading a relatively private personal life to a very public one online. I have been struggling a bit with this. “How can I create a project about dealing with personal growth without becoming fully transparent and honest?” “Am I truly capable of opening up to a sea of strangers?” And “Can I do this without becoming self-absorbed or stuck on my own experience?” (I mean, I have never been one to post my breakfast lunch and dinner on a social media site before – I have to say it’s a bit weird) However, like in performing music – whether I am use to this yet or not, it seems to me, there is much more to gain than to lose here in sharing experiences with others in this way.

Joe used loyalty that he has to just one person (me) as a guide to help push himself around that track. I feel that the more people engaged in “living chapters” can only create a stronger accountability, and support system for me as I am faced with the new challenges in the upcoming months. So thank you for holding me accountable, following along and being a part of the story thus far. Looking forward to seeing you next month.

Visit the June Gallery for more images and videos from the Body and Kinesthetic chapter.

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Visit the Living Chapters facebook page for more updates, images and day-to-day activities.

performing: with pride or prejudice

9 Replies

This month, I was tasked with the challenge of working on my muscle memory as well as my muscle tone. Chapter one writer, Joe Gall, requested that I dig out my old guitar, bring it aboard and retrain my fingers to hustle up and down the frets while attempting to hold clear and open chord sounds. I decided, early on 3 weeks ago, to up the ante of this challenge and not only give my fingers some exercise, but give my courage and confidence a work out as well.

The task I gave myself was to “perform” a song or two in front of an audience. Thus far during this challenge, I have found my best audience to be a 1 year-old baby who danced to anything I would strum or hum, along with a few supportive onlookers in my favorite café in Western Maryland. With only a few days left in June, I don’t plan on hitting up any local open mic nights, but I have accomplished playing in front of about a dozen people here or there over this past month testing out my playing and singing skills.

Looking back, I am not quite sure why I decided to put this performance promise out there, but it somehow seemed appropriate considering public speaking or being in front of an audience is truly one of the most uncomfortable and avoided experiences for me. It is one of the few non-strenuous related activities I can think of that really does drastically change the physicality of my body itself. Sweaty palms, racing heart, stuttering voice, shaky hands are just a few things that tend to happen when placing myself in front of a crowd. Even when put in front of a camera, or a recording device these symptoms arise, if I am the one that is being focused on.

So as a first step into this discomfort zone, I started taking short videos and making sound recordings of my new regular guitar practice. Doing this has been extremely painful! Making the recordings on my own is not so bad – but watching the recordings brings back all those same sensations that happen when standing in front of a full room (it may possibly be even more upsetting.) The only thing worse than caring about the judgment from others is dealing with the judgment from yourself! Do you remember what it felt like to hear your voice recorded for the first time. “Is that me talking?” Well imagine what it feels like to listen to yourself play new guitar chords and put your best singing voice forward. How can I sing in tune when I’m not even sure how to tune the guitar? I will tell you… it feels like I have chosen to star in my own bad early 90’s folk music video. Not a pretty or necessarily appealing feeling… however, I am working on getting past this initial reaction and judgment that I’ve put upon myself. There are positives in performing that I am starting to see and feel.

I actually really enjoy singing and playing guitar. When I take the camera away I genuinely feel pretty happy doing it, it calms me down and passes the time in a way that always leaves me feeling satisfied. I have to go back to the original intent behind Aaron’s wild card request, which is, to keep listening to myself and do what feels right, not worry about what looks right. (or in this case, what sounds right)

My mom would tell you that when I was little, I would wake myself up singing in the morning. She tells me that I loved to perform musically and dramatically. There are actually many pictures proving that I loved to ham it up in front of the camera. (I’ve included a few pics below that my Dad conveniently sent me this week reminding me of this time). I do find that time a little hard to remember today though, as I start stumbling over song lyrics when someone intently starts to listen, or watch me. How, why and when did that free confident performing spirit and desire to share get dampened along the way? What do I need to do to get it back?

I guess there is some evidence of that love of performance still present today or I wouldn’t be sharing so much of myself with all of you through this Living Chapters process. I think one of many reasons I decided to do any of this publicly was really to try to rekindle that fearlessness of sharing openly that we all did so effortlessly at age six. I am starting to realize that there may be much more to gain through that boldness than we actually have to lose.

If I knew that at age six, can’t I feel the same thirty years later?

Post Script: Thanks to Josh, Brown, Andy Cook, Joe Gallo, and friends at the Water Street Cafe in Friendsville MD for supporting, teaching, and encouraging me in my guitar playing and performing this past month.

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Visit the Living Chapters facebook page for more updates images and day-to-day activities.

surface and subconscious

Leave a reply

It’s been a week since I have tried on Aaron’s unique wild card challenge. And I must admit, I have failed miserably at the task. Yes, yes I took the mirror off the boat with the best of intentions and then literally minutes after reading the post, walked into the marina bathroom and immediately caught myself peering back from that conveniently located space above the sink. Ok – Day one – strike one. I started keeping track.

Breaking any routine is hard, I guess, and it will take some time getting use to shifting any part of the involuntary daily bathroom routine. So I started by standing beside the sink to wash my hands and brush my teeth: this could be done, right? That afternoon, I walked into town, and maybe an hour later: Argh strike two! The door to the coffee shop was glass (caught myself… checking out my hair). I went to check my phone messages and Bam! Strike three – caught the reflection on the phone’s screen.

After returning to the boat that evening, I managed to steer clear of gaining anymore strikes hanging out on the deck free and clear, I thought, “this must get easier the more I think about it, and get use to it”. But somehow it didn’t. On Sunday I counted 4 strikes. Monday-6, Tuesday/Wed-5. Thursday back to 3 and Friday-4. Now, some of these strikes were mere accidental sightings (not spending time lingering, admiring or agonizing) but in some instances, I noticed these unconscious yet intentional movements of my body seeking to “check myself out”.

I knew this would be a very difficult challenge, but had no idea it would make me think so much. Why do I need to check myself out so much? Is this an unhealthy obsession with my surface appearance, or is it more a subconscious desire to check in. It’s not like I have ever spent hours in front of a mirror doing my hair or make-up each morning (I actually never even learned how to properly put on make up and I still don’t own a hair dryer) But I am now noticing this magnetic draw to the surface of mirrors… In the car, I’m moving the rear view mirror, and then…there I am – checking myself out. I walk into a public bathroom – argh the entire wall is a mirror! I open my computer lap top ah there I am working hard reflected in the screen. Store windows, windshields, rearview mirrors etc. I am finding myself everywhere calling out to myself to fix my hair, adjust my glasses, smooth my brow. Geez for thinking I am not a very vain person, I am beginning to question this habitual desire to check in with myself and “fix things” or making sure everything is alright.

What is that need or instinct to want to see myself? Why is it so strong? It’s as if I need to know that yes “everything is ok” and my eyes need to spend a second or two reflecting on them selves staring back for some kind of validation or approval? In my case, I do feel like it’s more of an approval from myself rather than caring about others’ opinions – but for others it may be a different motivation.

Honestly though, I didn’t really notice different feelings from within without the mirrors, that is until Monday morning. I was sleepy-eyed, tired and needing to get ready for work. “Did I have sleepys in my eyes?” I sure felt sleepy. Did my eyes look as heavy as they felt? I moved past these feelings, washed my face picked a comfortable sundress to throw on and did my hair by feel and left. Easy peasy… I actually got more compliments on my hair that day than when I had tried intentionally to style my hair in the past.

This has been difficult task to take on because it’s just something we all do without thinking. But it’s definitely worth trying. The attempt alone, has helped me become a bit more aware of these actions and question why I am making them. “Is this out of my need or is it coming from an external influence?” It’s hard to break an ingrained habit that may have been a part of us from a very young age, either built by the design of our environments and/or built by our society. Why have we been told to look right more than feel right? I would bet that this is a habit that every one of us shares to some degree. It may be interesting to trace back where it may have come from. Don’t tell me you don’t check yourself out at least 3 times a day! The question is why? I am going to reflect on that for the rest of this challenge.

Post Script: Thanks to September Wild Card Grace LIchtner for taking the blind mirror photograph of me!

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Visit the Living Chapters facebook page for more updates images and day-to-day activities.

grounded

2 Replies

ankle blood pressure

So I rarely visit doctors, I actually consider myself a pretty healthy person and have very few ailments outside of an occasional cold. Honestly, I often avoid doctors because I feel that I come out of their offices with more problems than I had when I went in. But yesterday I succumbed and visited the health clinic closest to my mother’s house in PA where I was visiting. June is after all the month to focus on the body and health, with the ultimate goal of becoming more intentional about how I treat my body, what I put into it and how I take care of it. I find it a bit ironic though, that somehow through this process I ended up in a medical clinic. Besides the horrifying co-payment that my insurance will not cover, at least it was the most efficient and friendly clinic visit that I have ever made.

I knew that beginning any kind of exercise routine would be a new experience for me. After all the whole point of this project is to do something that I would not choose to do on my own, something that would push my boundaries and comfort zone. When my ankle started hurting last week, I just thought in a way that the discomfort was merely pushing a new comfort zone. I thought the soreness was another “new sensation” that came along with all the other aches and pains that arrived with the awakening of muscles that hadn’t been utilized in a while.

So, sore ankle or not, I was committed and continued in my activity routine, running, jumping, hooping, swimming, yoga etc. Throughout the week some of the other aches and pains disappeared, but the ankle got worse. And just over the past few days the jumping got slower and more painful – I realized that my dedication for fulfilling this task was drowning out the goal of the chapter, and the recent wild card suggestion, which is “listen to what feels right – not what looks right”. Yesterday, when I actually started limping and realized that it didn’t feel right or look right, I finally gave in and went to get it checked out.

Before seeing the doctor, a nurse first measured my height, took my blood pressure, temperature, heart rate and weight. She finished this procedure in minutes and said. “You’re perfect!” “Perfect?” I questioned. “Yes, your blood pressure, temperature, and heart rate could not be better. You’re in great shape”

Ah, I felt like I had just gotten an A on a quiz or something. However that feeling didn’t last long, as the doctor who came in was about to flunk me on a simple logic test.

D: What is the reason for your visit?

Me: I have a pain in my ankle. I can’t seem to walk on it.

D: When did the pain start?

Me: About a week ago.

D: Have you been doing anything stressful to the ankle that could have caused this injury?

Me: Ummm … jumping rope?

D: Jumping rope?

Me: Yes.

D: You’ve been jumping rope this whole week?

Me: Yep

D: Why are you jumping rope?

Me: To be more active and feel better?

D: Good idea. But does jumping rope on a sore ankle feel good?

He proceeded to poke and prod at my ankle and foot to prove that it wasn’t broken. Found the sore spots and quickly diagnosed an inflamed tendon that could potentially be a sprain. He then told me to stop jumping rope for a while. (to be specific – he said I could start-up again on July 4th – I felt as if I just received punishment and was grounded ) If I continued to jump on it, he said could cause a sprain or a fracture. He applauded my efforts and enthusiasm but said that anything in excess is not always good for the body, especially when you’re easing into a new routine. He warned, “Don’t be like the runners who think they are going to be able to train for a marathon in a few weeks… and then end up in the emergency room before the finish line.” I think maybe that is what I have been doing metaphorically. (Thank goodness Joe didn’t ask me to train for a marathon!) I have to remember that the finish line is not the important thing, it’s what I learn along the way. I will never make it through these 12 chapters of improvement challenges if I end up hurting myself in the first one.

So doctor’s orders are: Rest the ankle for the next two weeks – ease into these activities, don’t jump into them. This pains me in more ways than one as I was getting quite fond of my jump rope journals. I will just now have to work hard at getting others to keep up the journal for me until my ankle is better. (or attempt jumping rope with one foot?) I will also have to focus the rest of the month on my guitar playing, upper body strengthening, and sharpening the senses. It seems I will still have a lot to keep me busy. But can’t help feeling like I am shirking some of this month’s tasks because of a bum ankle. If you have ideas for ways to stay active without my right ankle – please share them. I still have my hoop, access to a pool, and a desire to keep yoga in my life daily.

Please keep the jump rope journal alive! Buy a rope, start jumping and post your pictures!

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

tuning in to the senses

Leave a reply

I knew that Living Chapters would turn my life upside down, but I had no idea that I would be swinging so soon into such new heights, new hurts, and new habits in just two weeks.

Along with the request to add activity in my life, I have also been asked to become more aware of my senses and the affects they have on my body. Doing both of these things seems to be providing a nice balance. With all of this running around (literally), I first found it difficult to tune into my senses. I thought the “awareness of the senses activity” could only be accomplished outside of, or separate from the physical activity in my life. I thought, I needed to stop moving, block out external distractions and focus directly on being aware to engage with my senses. However I realized very quickly that physicality was about to throw some not so subtle sensations at me in an obvious and brutal way.

About three days into the new running and jumping routine, I became aware of some pretty intense feelings immediately. First there was the huffing, puffing, and gasping for air that accompanied the first minutes of running. That was followed by the occasional side ache in the gut or the prickly pin-points up and down my shins. And then came the thudding of my heart racing into my temples and pounding throughout my head. The sound reminded me that, yes there is a massive muscle within me working really hard to keep me alive and moving. And let’s not leave out my favorite new sensations since starting this chapter, soreness, stiffness and shin splints…. Yes! I must be doing something right. …Right?

So while my body is communicating to me in all these fun new ways, I am listening as closely as possible trying to decode them in order to keep some kind of balance. How do you not over do it while still pushing hard enough to become healthier? I think somehow tuning into these sensations may be the only way to answer that question. That along with doing what feels right to you.

What does feel right to me? Stretching! Stretching before activity, stretching after activity, stretching while driving, while working, during conversations. I love it, can’t get enough. (I have been doing backstage ballerina-moves when no one is looking. ) Because I love this so much, I have tried to integrate this into my day as much as possible. In addition to the in-between activity stretching, I committed to at least 15 minutes of yoga before bed each night. I have always loved practicing yoga, but have relied in the past on attending occasional organized classes to do it. Now I have realized I can do this independently, taking the poses that I remember from my lessons and putting them into practice before sleeping. It helps me to relax and calms my mind at the end of the day.

Now, the current challenge to my “yoga before bed” new habit, is that I literally do not have enough room on the sail boat I live on to even lay out a yoga mat. I decided that outside on the dock next to the passing water taxis and kayakers was not going to work for my personal relaxation stretch time. I did however luckily find a near by space. I will say, without revealing too much, that the space is not technically open to the public but is empty and not being used currently. I decided that stretching silently there for 15 – 30 minutes an evening wouldn’t harm anyone.

Desiring discreteness, I sneak into the space at night. I lay the yoga mat down in the dark and although I can’t see, my feet easily find the edge of the mat and make their way into a downward dog pose. In silence and darkness, all my awareness directly goes to each and every response that my body gives me through the stretches. “Oh that feels good, push that pose a bit longer…” or “actually that cramp in my side says that trying to turn into a pretzel tonight isn’t going to happen”. Deprived of light and external distraction I am left to focus on my muscles, my breathing and my thoughts. After the first 5 minutes, my muscles relax and my thoughts dissipate, leaving me with only the act of motion and breathing, which is really the essence of yoga isn’t it? I may not be practicing all poses “correctly” (or necessarily “legally” in my secret studio) but it has been the best combination of physical and sensory exercises that I have experienced yet this month. It has led me to learn and listen a bit more intently to what my body is trying to communicate.

Another sensation that has newly arrived, is restlessness. I have started to feel antsy after sitting too long. Only after a few hours of sedentary work, I want to get up and do something. I’ve been combatting this by breaking up the day with quick active things (jump rope journal! or short jogs). I have also been motivated and inspired to try out new things. Heck, if I am somehow running now (which I never thought possible) I could also pick up a few new skills like being a trapeze artist? It’s not that far fetched right? Well, I compromised and found something a little less extreme and much more suited to me…

Aerial yoga! Seriously, who wouldn’t want to feel like they were flying while getting a workout at the same time? I learned, just this week, that there is nothing quite like hanging upside down suspended by your muscles and silk fabric to cure a bout of restlessness….. I dare you to try it!

Post script: I want to give a big thank you and shout out to Chapter One writer Joe Gall, who I visited in Boston this past weekend. He is taking on this new running routine with dedication and has inspired me to work harder at it! I also got to visit Chapter Three writer Andy Cook, who gave me guitar lessons and support with my beginner musical abilities. The city of Boston itself simply gave me a great large landscape in which to walk for miles in keeping me active the whole weekend!

Speaking of the Senses… Living Chapter’s Maestro selected the song below to accompany me throughout Chapter one. I have used it to guide me through some of my new activities:

Listen in and tune in to your senses

Want to check in to see if I am keeping up my promises? Check out the Living Chapters Facebook page for updates on the jump rope journal, exercise documentation and my food photo gallery.

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

off to a running start

4 Replies

Ok – so we are only about a week into chapter one and I have to say, I am a bit exhausted. It might be all the running and jumping, swimming and stretching that my body was not quite ready for OR it could be that instituting these changes all at one time could be taking a small toll on my small frame. I am not discouraged though.

A few days ago, I made time between meetings and went to the mall attempting to purchase my very first pair of running shoes. The simple process gave me a massive migraine. I’m not sure if it was the act of being at the mall (which for me is not a pleasant experience) or the horrendous neon colors/styles of shoes available that caused this reaction. Although I did have an intense “sensory” experience, (high volume crowds, loud colors and atmosphere). I left failing to accomplish the task at hand and couldn’t help feeling a bit defeated. I came home nursed my migraine with water and a steady yet brisk walk to alleviate the situation. I realized, while walking, that I may have taken the wrong approach in beginning this process. For me, this project is not about checking off things a bucket list or just getting things done. If I want to grow in any way, I really need to think about how to add or weave these new elements into my life in a way that makes sense for me. How can I make these new changes fun but also use them to re-energize pieces of the day that I had not thought about before. Instead of trying to find more time or new times to do these things, how could I develop and create ways to multitask and try to integrate these things into the time I already have in my current existence? This is something I am going to work on in the upcoming weeks. To understand a bit more, maybe it would help to give you some baseline information on my current existence.

Starting point:

Body: I’m 5ft 2 inches tall. I weigh 106 lbs. I luckily have never had to worry about weight or health issues. Born with a high metabolism, I eat like a bird most say. This however has allowed me to be under motivated when it comes to “getting in shape”.

Exercise: I lead a relatively inactive lifestyle: I sit for at least 4-6 hours a day between my time on a computer and driving. I would not say my body looks out of shape but both an 8-year-old and an 80-year-old could beat me on the racetrack. I have no set exercise routine (nor have I ever). I probably burn more calories stressing about the fact that I don’t exercise. The unstructured exercise I have done in the past year includes, walking, yoga, helping people move? swimming, occasional hula hooping, dancing, and one dreadful zumba class . I can jog for about a total of 10 minutes before being completely out of breath and I can do about one pull up on a good day (about a half on a bad one).

Food: My diet is mostly healthy but based on efficiency, a budget, and what I can cook in a galley without a stove. I have been cooking significantly less since moving onto the boat. I have never officially been on a diet, until now.

Muscle Memory: I picked up a guitar in college learned a few songs, forgot them, and didn’t pick it up again until my mid twenties when I learned a few more songs and promptly forgot them. I’ve repeated this process probably every five years and still somehow only know about 4 chords. Lack of discipline here has weakened my muscle memory.

The Senses: As physically inactive as I portray myself to be, my mind is the opposite. I am constantly thinking about a million things at any one time, often working on putting them into action. In order to concentrate on my work or thoughts, I find myself having to “tune out” external sounds, smells, external motions etc. For these “sensory activities” I am finding that I need to physically stop my motion to become aware of my senses. This stopping and concentrating in my fast paced day is a challenge.

As promised here is my plan for moving forward:

Goals for each day:

Follow proposed diet (emphasis on have-nots)

Upper body strength exercises in the morning, on the boat, in the car, or at the office

20-30 minutes of chosen exercise

Jogging (must do at least twice a week)

Jump rope Journal (everywhere all the time!)

Yoga before bed

Guitar before bed

Goals for the month:

Learn 2 new songs – play them for an audience

Guided sensory walks

Sensory deprivation activities (More on this soon!)

Want to check in to see if I am keeping up my promises? Check out the Living Chapters Facebook page for updates on the jump rope journal, exercise documentation and my food photo gallery.

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

june… is for jogging and jumping (says Joe)

4 Replies

When I first glanced over this first chapter, I thought, “got this” it doesn’t seem that hard or even that far out of my comfort zone. The diet is somewhat close to what I eat already (…. Ummm most of the time… ) I am not a lover of junk food and after hitting 35, have mostly already moved away from greasy food out of preference more than direct intention or dieting. I looked over the exercise plan and was not horrified by it (there was no mention of the word “gym” which usually makes me nauseous. The muscle memory exercises and the sensory awareness stuff all sounded pretty interesting to me. No prob!

But wait! It then hit me, how am I suppose to think about all of this all of the time? How am I suppose to fit everything from playing guitar to jumping rope into my schedule and be intentional about what I shove into my mouth in the 20 minutes that I usually allot myself for lunch. Up until now, I really haven’t directly thought about or carefully planned any of these things in my day.

I have to say Joe, You may have without even knowing it, zeroed in very quickly on one of my biggest weaknesses… planning! In order to fit all of these things into my life, not only am I going to have to think about each and every task but also figure out how to “structure” my week to do it all. For those of you who know me, you realize that creating structure, means killing spontaneity, it’s something even more difficult for me than jogging (which is probably the second most difficult thing to ask me to do – good job Joe!) So somehow I am going to take on my two biggest challenges AND try to learn how to play the guitar and become aware of my senses – this will take some serious planning. I find it hard to blend one major change into my life let alone bring in a series of them all at once. But here we go, y’all are gonna watch me give it a go.

Let’s get something straight though, I am the first to admit exercising has NEVER been my forte. Not something I would consider “fun”. I actually do not hate exercise. I just hate the feeling like I have to do something outside of something that I would normally want to do.

I do truly believe though, that if my goal is to incorporate exercise into my daily existence that it must be done in some way enjoyable if I am going to stop fearing or avoiding it.

As I hatch my plan for juggling all these active tasks for the rest of the month, I will dive into what I think to be the most fun and the least fun… right away…jumping and jogging. To keep to the task, I will attempt jogging at least a few times a week, start a jump rope journal, stick to the diet, clear out my allergies to prepare the senses, and start brainstorming sea shanty guitar songs (that preferably only have 3 chords). In the past few days, I have adopted the stretching /upper body strength video into my morning and evening, started swimming when I can get to a pool, jogged twice, and picked up my walking routine – lets just say my body is already sore …. it might be a tumultuous week.

Post script: Special thanks go out to Team players this week:

Greg Lines, an architect and sailor that combined his skills to create me a fine jumping rope out of materials he had on board. And thanks to the Confidant, Elizabeth Brady, who showed me that jogging can be fun if you are accompanied by a German shepherd, a great friend, some post rain mud and the roaring sound a river!

“why do this?” … am I crazy?

Leave a reply

The most asked question of me about this project, before it has even started, is “Why do this? Are you crazy?” and then comes…“Where did this idea come from? Did you come up with this?” Living Chapters is really no original idea nor did it come from me alone. I feel like it has been an idea growing within me for a long time. As a collector of stories and images, I have witnessed, listened and observed others in my life. Fascinated with the fact that others manage to navigate through the world in such a wide variety of ways. I guess I feel that now is the time for me to respond with my own voice and actions. It’s time to be or enact the story, rather than just observe it.

I use to cringe at people who created “personal growth projects”, artists or writers who were (what I thought to be) stuck in their heads reflecting on their life stories and experiences with the world. I think this is why I have never attempted writing and have honestly been intimidated by the process. I didn’t want to be that person stuck in my own experience. But how do we really interact honestly with others and the world if we are not able to reflect upon and understand ourselves? What happens if we never get past the things that intimidate us?

I am using this blog/project to force myself to write about that. It’s a structured way of making myself to become more accountable. To quote the first writer of this project, Joe Gall, “the time to pretend to be, is over” If we are going to stop pretending and start to be who we want to be, do what we want to do, and be with the people we want to be with, the time is now. So my challenge to myself (and anyone else reading) for the next 12 months is to do so. I don’t think that sounds so crazy.

Ask me again in a few months (or even in a couple days)… after the chapters start rolling in.

before the beginning

2 Replies

In the past month, I have been unveiling the idea of “Living Chapters” to those outside of the participating players list and I have to admit not without a bit of anxiety along with a great sense of excitement. The process of telling people about the decision to do this made it all the more “real”. Talking about the project as if it were a new “life change” itself, a new job, house or relationship. I told my mother, I told my professional colleagues, I told a stranger at a conference I attended. Each time, getting a bit more comfortable, trying out this new role of blending my personal and professional life. No use compartmentalizing the pieces of my life now, or holding back. Everything is about to become transparent.

As the point of living chapters, is to push boundaries and test comfort levels, I specifically asked the writers to find the sore spots, throw me into uncharted territory, and pin-point my weaknesses (or if I want to be nicer to myself) areas with room for improvement. Really now, what is a more uncomfortable than highlighting these aspects of yourself, not only to your friends and colleagues, but also to a potential audience of online followers? So here we go, the holiday weekend is over and I have a few days left to give myself some advice before it all begins. Below are the directives that I give myself for the process. If I stray along the way, please don’t hesitate to remind me of them.

Step one: Let go of control

Step two: Trust in my instincts

Step three: In case of emergency, be creative

What do you think? Did I miss a step… I’m in a good place to take suggestions for the next year.