Category Archives: Uncategorized

the completion of beginnings

Is there really a symbol that could represent yourself or the work that you do? The Wild Card asked me this along with a slew of other intensive inner reflective questions this month. She also asked me to present visual ideas for this question and allow the Living Chapters audience to vote or select one that they thought might be a good representation my work. Thanks to all of you who weighed in with your votes.

Here is how people voted:

The most amount of votes were cast for this symbol.

Ironically this is a symbol that I gravitated to in my early years. It would pop up in many of my high school art projects, in letters that I wrote to friends, or doodles on classroom homework and folders. The eye image definitely has played a long-lasting role in my life representing the importance of being awake and being aware. Growing up, I felt that it stood for the ability to see what is right in front of you and emphasized the value of witnessing the world around you.

The second most voted for symbol was this one

The Labyrinth

The labyrinth seems very suited to my winding path. Labyrinths are often mistaken for mazes or something that one could get lost within or frustrated with. Unlike mazes though, there are no real dead-ends in a labyrinth only paths that guide you forward. Meandering, yet structured routes, that lead to new destinations. I see labyrinths as tools that can be utilized to practice finding one’s way out of confusing situations. I’ve found myself doing that more than a few times in my work.

So what do I think?

The overall process of picking a personal symbol has been intriguing. As I noted before, I feel that it is near impossible for any one symbol or image to represent a body of work or in my case what feels like an ongoing evolving path as I build my career. So for this reason, I gravitated to less literally visual symbols. I preferred the linear images that were left open to interpretation but yet held a rich meaning.

The Labyrinth, which came in second in all the votes, also came in second when I made my personal votes. I decided that the labyrinth represented how I have moved on my path more than what the work I have done.

My first choice to represent my work is the Rune symbol of Inguz. It seemed to stand out from the rest of the them visually to me.

In the Book of Runes by Ralph H. Blum, in which I first encountered this symbol, Inguz was described in this way:

“This Rune is akin to the moon, the intuitive part of our nature, with its urge toward harmonizing and adjusting in the sphere of personal relationships. The completion of beginnings is what Inguz requires. Drawing this rune may mark a time of joyful deliverance of new life, a new path. It means you will have the strength to achieve completion resolution from which comes new beginning. – All things change and we can not live permanently amid obstructions.”

The meaning appealed to me and seemed to describe the way in which I sought out work and new projects.

When searching further into this rune I found this meaning taken from the book “Zen Runes” by Maria Letizia Renzulli.

“As the moon is mirrored in the sea, as the upper parts of the this rune can be mirrored in the lower, so to can you mirror yourself in others, discovering your true power… “

This felt like the closest description to what I do. I work with people, find a personal connection and then mirror back that connection by framing their story within a photograph, audio story or interactive program that allows those that I work with to hear themselves and share in their own way. I don’t create new things. I simply witness the existence of them and highlight the importance and value to sharing them.

Only one person voted for this symbol but his reasoning just added to my original attraction to this symbol. My friend Steve Oxley impressions were as follows:

“It gives off the impression of potential – The design is simple yet complex, it gives me the impression of balance, as if life occurs in the apex of your past and your future. This is why it is good for a portfolio that’s trying to encompass your past in hopes of bringing the light to future adventures”

I can’t help but agree with Steve. I am still unsure of how and where it will visually show up on the website, but I have a few more days to figure that out.

7/29/13

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Images of the labyrinth and eye symbols were taken from the following books found in Powell’s bookstore in Portland OR: ”The Book of Symbols” – Taschen “Man and His Symbols” – Carl Jung

one world; many stories

— In the fall of 2006, I moved to Huntingdon Ave in the Remington neighborhood of Baltimore MD. The following summer, I started spending every Tuesday evening on my porch engaging a small group of 5 – 8 neighborhood kids with the art supplies I had stored in my basement. For me, this was a great way to get to know the kids in my neighborhood, do something that I loved, and provide a space for youth to socialize and engage in something positive. We started calling Tuesday nights “Porch Art” night.

In Porch Art’s second summer, the attendance doubled, I recruited neighborhood helpers and had a few parents attending and donating supplies. By my final and fourth year doing Porch Art, we had groups of up to 30 people of all ages attending. Guest artist instructors led activities, local musicians entertained and I organized a rotating roster of community volunteers to help set up, run and clean up each Tuesday. – (end of official online portfolio description)

Creating Porch Art made me realize that there is a simple logic in combining the desire to do something I love with the simple desire of doing something positive for the immediate environment around me. This, I found, is the key to doing what I strive to do and call “good work”. By using a small amount of my personal time and the materials I had at my fingertips, I was able to create a life-changing, invaluable experience for myself while also setting a structure and example for positive change in my community. I didn’t need to travel to do it. I didn’t spend money to do this. I didn’t need to advertise for people to come or promote the project. It filled a need for both myself and the neighborhood and taught me how important working with my present situation, the materials I had and the people around me, could be. If I can keep following that model for developing work in my future endeavors and become creative enough to make a living off of it, I am sure I will be successful and happy doing it.

7/26/13

Voice of America covered Porch Art – This piece aired in a few foreign countries in a few different languages.

See more images from Porch Art here.

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

the king of scrap

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Late last night, I left Portland, OR and took a red-eye flight home to the East Coast after a short-lived but much appreciated visit with this month’s chapter writer Gabe DellaVecchia.

I had put this cross-country trip off for too long. It seemed never a good time to go, but I had promised Gabe that I would visit him and his wife Makie, before they left this city that they love so much. So I decided to follow through, even in the midst of balancing my family obligations and non-profit day job duties. I am really glad I went. Even coming off a full night of no sleep and bouncing on and off planes, I am returning feeling ready to take on the rest of this month’s challenges. Sometimes all it takes for me to re-center is being around someone and sharing with one who really knows me.

Spending time with Gabe these past few days has been like exploring a time capsule I buried 17 years ago. He is one of the few players in Living Chapters that has actually witnessed nearly half of my life and all of the choices I have made. He knows me so well that he remembers some things more vividly and accurately than I could conjure myself.

“Oh really, I created a series of curtain and cloud photographs lying on the roof of the apartment building we use to live in? …Oh yeah, I guess I did do that…”

He has a photographic memory, but since I’ve known him, hasn’t really spent time making any photographs. Unlike myself, who has framed and photographed a lifetime of moments as an attempt at remembering all the people places and stories that continue to stockpile in the storage unit in my brain. I’m not that old yet, but the memories are starting to fade – I need a system upgrade and fast!

Making this trip to the west coast was not the only thing I have been putting off. After chatting with Gabe about the reasoning behind his July homework assignment, I realized that it has been seven years since I even talked about trying to start this “online portfolio”. Seven years had passed and I still have not done this? In 2005, I had gotten as far as scanning my photographic artwork and requesting a friend to design a website for me. We made it half way through before I got lost in another all-encompassing project and ran out of energy and web design funds and threw in the towel. Even though I am intimidated with Gabe’s task, we both agreed, it, like my visit to Portland, was long overdue.

Portland itself was fantastic. I am not able to go into how much I really enjoyed the people, food, mentality, feel and layout of the city because that would be a different blog entry altogether but let’s just say I’ll definitely be back and endorse the city full-heartedly. The thing I enjoyed most though was just being around my good friend.

It was the first time in years that we were able to really catch up and update each other in person on where we had landed on the map currently and on all the uncertainties and waypoints that lay ahead.

I feel more comfortable comparing notes with Gabe than anyone else on the constant set of transitions that make up my life. He is my only friend who has made an equal amount or more life choices and transitions into unchartered territory than anyone else I know. I am constantly impressed with his ability to reinvent himself and land on his feet in new situations.

This fact didn’t really sink in though until I started flipping through his masterfully organized “scrap books” that he has been compiling of his life’s work and path. As he mentioned earlier, Gabe secured a job in Denver and found little need to put together an online portfolio. Most of his career evidence is not visual and he was not in need of a job any longer. However, he is in need of making his load lighter on move day so decided to scrap together the mounds of evidence collected from his past endeavors into what are now 8 very large 3 ring binders.

I was blown away after exploring a few of them. It was like looking through an encyclopedia of Gabe’s existence from A-Z or in this case from birth to the present day. They began with his elementary days leading up to his 35th year and 357th job in Denver Colorado. On these hundreds of plastic wrapped pages you’ll find a path of papers and meticulously handwritten long notations. His traveling road starts with a high school trips to Russia and New Zealand and surprising leads him to college years in the suburbs of Baltimore City, a plethora of indie rock concerts, an ice cream parlor/beauty salon, a South African village, many Hollywood movies accountants offices, and a hot air balloon ride over Angkor Watt. (to name just a few of the random stops along the way)

To tell you the truth, I was overwhelmed looking through volume one. I was greatly impressed with the time, care, and details that were put into his handy work. (and a bit inspired!) These books are tactile personal and meaningful not something that I believe that can be achieved with a website. They guided me down the windy rocky road showing me exactly how he found his way from the suburbs of New Jersey to where he is today.

I was amazed and touched by the amount of detail and context in his books, and am honestly both a bit relieved and sad that I am not taking this route of scrapping together all the minutes and moments of my life in books. For me, the tactile scrapping is much more my style and the more enjoyable method. There is something to the actual cut and paste that I love oh so much more than the clicks on the keyboard.

I am thankful though that I am not piecing together the puzzle of my entire life this month. It may be taking me extra long hours on the computer building and editing my online resume but luckily I have been given the online visual express route from college years until now. So check in if you want and see that I have somehow made my second deadline of getting all basic descriptions of all projects up!

Phase one done! Phase two begins tomorrow – 10 years and 10,0000 pictures. Here we go.

Visit bethbarbush.com for recent written updates. Comment at the bottom of the pages while the commenting function is still enabled! I would love your feedback on this process.

7/17/13

Highlights from my visit with Gabe:

Our visit to “Scrap” the best recycled reused craft/school supply place ever.

Going through Gabe’s Scrap books.

Portland trip theme song from the Maestro: Swim Until You Can’t See Land

For more highlights from Portland visit Facebook Portland album: Including research for the Wild Card Response at Powell’s book store and the joy of returning to the Jump Rope Journal

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

navigating chaos

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In these last two weeks, I have peeled back the layers and examined my past creative and professional endeavors. Like Gabe, going through his pieces of memory-laden papers for his scrapbook, I am connecting the dots from my experiences, trying to map out the zigzagging path that led me to where I am today. Still camped out here in PA, I am missing boat life in Annapolis, but guess it’s appropriate that I retrace my steps starting from here in small town PA where I hail from.

I never felt as if I possessed much of a sense of direction, but getting lost always came naturally to me. I enjoy it still. Somehow, though, I have always found my way, whether it was by using the sun as my compass, or gleaning navigational advice from strangers at red lights and toll booths. I’ve felt more comfortable moving in the direction in which the wind was blowing stronger or relying on what felt right, more so than using any road map or guide-book.

This way of wandering through the world may not seem logical to most but it has worked for me. It’s the way in which I have found jobs, developed projects, made friends and committed to major life decisions. Organically… not really orderly.

I’ve never held an office job, have never balanced my checkbook, and currently have my belongings stashed in 5 different places in two separate states. (one of them being an almost sinking sailboat) Gabe’s description “a delicate balance of spinning chaos” may be the best way anyone has ever explained my unique lifestyle.

Oddly enough, I like to be dropped in the midst of chaos or unchartered territory. I’ve become kind of use to it, and am somehow more comfortable with the task of blazing my own path through the woods than following other people’s prescribed directions. And although there is nothing that I enjoy more than the unpredictability, freedom and diversity that my choices bring to my life – I constantly feel like I somehow, someday have to get my act together! Become organized! Get my life in order!

But when looking back, from this vantage point, it appears I have possessed an order and structure all along. It’s just taken the task of creating an online visual portfolio for me to be able to see this. Being asked to take a moment, reflect, and organize my accomplishments has revealed that I have had a clear direction in my path and an overlapping core mission in my career choices. I just seemed to have gotten there using creativity and instinct more than logic or order.

Why do I need to structure the chaos that is my life? Controlling chaos would only eliminate all the possible paths that I have taken creatively to navigate through it.

I tend to agree with Robert Frost:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

7/13/13

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Check out the Living Chapters facebook page to follow the growing pains and progress of the evolving online portfolio.

Visit the June Gallery for images and videos from the Body and Kinesthetic chapter.

logic lesson #1

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It took only a few hours after sending out an SOS to receive more than enough help from all of you. Thanks to everyone who responded with fantastic ideas for online portfolio hosting sites and organizing techniques. I quickly went from having no idea of what to do to having an abundance of ideas. So now I was only left with two questions.

1. Which is the perfect online portfolio hosting site for me?

2. What’s the best way to organize my material and get started?

In a short period of time I fell down the inter-web rabbit hole and got sucked into reading about every kind of hosting site you could imagine and at least 10 different websites on “how to make a stellar online portfolio”. This is what I learned:

Answer for question #1: There is not one perfect online portfolio site.

The best thing to do is use what is both user-friendly for your viewer and what is easiest and most comfortable for YOU (the person creating it) I thought I needed a specific web-hosting platform to create my unique professional portfolio, but realize that I am already using and learning on a web hosting tool (this blog you are reading is WordPress), why choose a new tool to learn when I am already struggling to learn this one. WordPress it is! I even found a very helpful step by step YouTube video on “How to build a professional portfolio using WordPress” made by a guy named Phil who is a Jerry Garcia fan (if Phil could do this set up in 20 min I am thinking I can manage as well) By the time I am done with this site and a year of blogging on it, I hope to be at least proficient at WordPress.

Answer for question #2: Keep it simple.

Page after page instructed me to pare it down! Less really is more. Just because I did a million random things in the past 10 years – doesn’t mean I need to include all of them (Phew! I had no idea where the heck I had stashed those pictures of me driving a book-mobile dressed up as the Wheels of Wonder Woman nor did I really know if I wanted to share them) I also learned that the simplicity rule – should run throughout the whole portfolio, not just with how much content I include, but also in how I describe all the content. Keeping the simplicity mantra in mind when mining through the archives of long-lost projects will be key!

OK – so my first major decisions are made but I still have Gabe’s strict schedule to stick to. Somehow by the end of this evening I will open a new WordPress page and make some initial organizational decisions. At least I have Philip from YouTube to show me how to do it. Thanks Phil.

So here’s my logic lesson of the day:

Learning 2 new online media platforms (minus) Learning 1 new online media platform = Less of a learning curve and a better chance for success! Which is also equivalent to a less stressed and more productive Beth Barbush.

We all don’t need my metaphorical math equations to know that less is more…. it <is> simple logic.

Please join me in this July’s endeavor! Start your own online portfolio. Here are a few websites to get you started:

7 rules for creating a professional portfolio site:

10 simple steps to create and manage your professional online identity

Phil’s simple guide to using WordPress as an online portfolio tool.

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Visit the June Gallery for images and videos from the first chapter.

Joe’s parting words

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After making a pact with Beth on jogging in June, I have to say that I hate jogging. Can’t stand it. But the lesson I learned may have more to do with exercising my Will rather than my body. Also, I gave my word to a friend and that’s something that has to be taken seriously.

On the brighter side, I have met my goal of jogging twice around a quarter-mile track. Trouble was, and I heard this from Beth and my girlfriend, Cora, that I was running too fast. I didn’t have the endurance to endure such punishment. So the other day, as I was walking down the street muttering, “Crap. Crap. Crap…” I decided I’d slow down and do the 2 orbits, which I did. The next two times out I also accomplished this awesome feat, one that once seemed so unattainable…

The biggest tragedy, however, was that poor Beth was sidelined with a bum ankle and had to abandon the Jump Rope Journal and jogging… But her recent spate of guitar playing is a great thing. I, too, have picked up my guitar more frequently and have learned some new songs. My latest, Stand By Your Man, a lullaby that is piquant when put in the right hands and can reduce a grown woman (Cora) to tears.

Anyhow, I actually want to thank Beth for this. For making my June a different kind of month.

Looking forward to July’s Living Chapter…

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Visit the Living Chapters facebook page for more updates, images and day-to-day activities.

performing: with pride or prejudice

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This month, I was tasked with the challenge of working on my muscle memory as well as my muscle tone. Chapter one writer, Joe Gall, requested that I dig out my old guitar, bring it aboard and retrain my fingers to hustle up and down the frets while attempting to hold clear and open chord sounds. I decided, early on 3 weeks ago, to up the ante of this challenge and not only give my fingers some exercise, but give my courage and confidence a work out as well.

The task I gave myself was to “perform” a song or two in front of an audience. Thus far during this challenge, I have found my best audience to be a 1 year-old baby who danced to anything I would strum or hum, along with a few supportive onlookers in my favorite café in Western Maryland. With only a few days left in June, I don’t plan on hitting up any local open mic nights, but I have accomplished playing in front of about a dozen people here or there over this past month testing out my playing and singing skills.

Looking back, I am not quite sure why I decided to put this performance promise out there, but it somehow seemed appropriate considering public speaking or being in front of an audience is truly one of the most uncomfortable and avoided experiences for me. It is one of the few non-strenuous related activities I can think of that really does drastically change the physicality of my body itself. Sweaty palms, racing heart, stuttering voice, shaky hands are just a few things that tend to happen when placing myself in front of a crowd. Even when put in front of a camera, or a recording device these symptoms arise, if I am the one that is being focused on.

So as a first step into this discomfort zone, I started taking short videos and making sound recordings of my new regular guitar practice. Doing this has been extremely painful! Making the recordings on my own is not so bad – but watching the recordings brings back all those same sensations that happen when standing in front of a full room (it may possibly be even more upsetting.) The only thing worse than caring about the judgment from others is dealing with the judgment from yourself! Do you remember what it felt like to hear your voice recorded for the first time. “Is that me talking?” Well imagine what it feels like to listen to yourself play new guitar chords and put your best singing voice forward. How can I sing in tune when I’m not even sure how to tune the guitar? I will tell you… it feels like I have chosen to star in my own bad early 90’s folk music video. Not a pretty or necessarily appealing feeling… however, I am working on getting past this initial reaction and judgment that I’ve put upon myself. There are positives in performing that I am starting to see and feel.

I actually really enjoy singing and playing guitar. When I take the camera away I genuinely feel pretty happy doing it, it calms me down and passes the time in a way that always leaves me feeling satisfied. I have to go back to the original intent behind Aaron’s wild card request, which is, to keep listening to myself and do what feels right, not worry about what looks right. (or in this case, what sounds right)

My mom would tell you that when I was little, I would wake myself up singing in the morning. She tells me that I loved to perform musically and dramatically. There are actually many pictures proving that I loved to ham it up in front of the camera. (I’ve included a few pics below that my Dad conveniently sent me this week reminding me of this time). I do find that time a little hard to remember today though, as I start stumbling over song lyrics when someone intently starts to listen, or watch me. How, why and when did that free confident performing spirit and desire to share get dampened along the way? What do I need to do to get it back?

I guess there is some evidence of that love of performance still present today or I wouldn’t be sharing so much of myself with all of you through this Living Chapters process. I think one of many reasons I decided to do any of this publicly was really to try to rekindle that fearlessness of sharing openly that we all did so effortlessly at age six. I am starting to realize that there may be much more to gain through that boldness than we actually have to lose.

If I knew that at age six, can’t I feel the same thirty years later?

Post Script: Thanks to Josh, Brown, Andy Cook, Joe Gallo, and friends at the Water Street Cafe in Friendsville MD for supporting, teaching, and encouraging me in my guitar playing and performing this past month.

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.

Visit the Living Chapters facebook page for more updates images and day-to-day activities.

grounded

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ankle blood pressure

So I rarely visit doctors, I actually consider myself a pretty healthy person and have very few ailments outside of an occasional cold. Honestly, I often avoid doctors because I feel that I come out of their offices with more problems than I had when I went in. But yesterday I succumbed and visited the health clinic closest to my mother’s house in PA where I was visiting. June is after all the month to focus on the body and health, with the ultimate goal of becoming more intentional about how I treat my body, what I put into it and how I take care of it. I find it a bit ironic though, that somehow through this process I ended up in a medical clinic. Besides the horrifying co-payment that my insurance will not cover, at least it was the most efficient and friendly clinic visit that I have ever made.

I knew that beginning any kind of exercise routine would be a new experience for me. After all the whole point of this project is to do something that I would not choose to do on my own, something that would push my boundaries and comfort zone. When my ankle started hurting last week, I just thought in a way that the discomfort was merely pushing a new comfort zone. I thought the soreness was another “new sensation” that came along with all the other aches and pains that arrived with the awakening of muscles that hadn’t been utilized in a while.

So, sore ankle or not, I was committed and continued in my activity routine, running, jumping, hooping, swimming, yoga etc. Throughout the week some of the other aches and pains disappeared, but the ankle got worse. And just over the past few days the jumping got slower and more painful – I realized that my dedication for fulfilling this task was drowning out the goal of the chapter, and the recent wild card suggestion, which is “listen to what feels right – not what looks right”. Yesterday, when I actually started limping and realized that it didn’t feel right or look right, I finally gave in and went to get it checked out.

Before seeing the doctor, a nurse first measured my height, took my blood pressure, temperature, heart rate and weight. She finished this procedure in minutes and said. “You’re perfect!” “Perfect?” I questioned. “Yes, your blood pressure, temperature, and heart rate could not be better. You’re in great shape”

Ah, I felt like I had just gotten an A on a quiz or something. However that feeling didn’t last long, as the doctor who came in was about to flunk me on a simple logic test.

D: What is the reason for your visit?

Me: I have a pain in my ankle. I can’t seem to walk on it.

D: When did the pain start?

Me: About a week ago.

D: Have you been doing anything stressful to the ankle that could have caused this injury?

Me: Ummm … jumping rope?

D: Jumping rope?

Me: Yes.

D: You’ve been jumping rope this whole week?

Me: Yep

D: Why are you jumping rope?

Me: To be more active and feel better?

D: Good idea. But does jumping rope on a sore ankle feel good?

He proceeded to poke and prod at my ankle and foot to prove that it wasn’t broken. Found the sore spots and quickly diagnosed an inflamed tendon that could potentially be a sprain. He then told me to stop jumping rope for a while. (to be specific – he said I could start-up again on July 4th – I felt as if I just received punishment and was grounded ) If I continued to jump on it, he said could cause a sprain or a fracture. He applauded my efforts and enthusiasm but said that anything in excess is not always good for the body, especially when you’re easing into a new routine. He warned, “Don’t be like the runners who think they are going to be able to train for a marathon in a few weeks… and then end up in the emergency room before the finish line.” I think maybe that is what I have been doing metaphorically. (Thank goodness Joe didn’t ask me to train for a marathon!) I have to remember that the finish line is not the important thing, it’s what I learn along the way. I will never make it through these 12 chapters of improvement challenges if I end up hurting myself in the first one.

So doctor’s orders are: Rest the ankle for the next two weeks – ease into these activities, don’t jump into them. This pains me in more ways than one as I was getting quite fond of my jump rope journals. I will just now have to work hard at getting others to keep up the journal for me until my ankle is better. (or attempt jumping rope with one foot?) I will also have to focus the rest of the month on my guitar playing, upper body strengthening, and sharpening the senses. It seems I will still have a lot to keep me busy. But can’t help feeling like I am shirking some of this month’s tasks because of a bum ankle. If you have ideas for ways to stay active without my right ankle – please share them. I still have my hoop, access to a pool, and a desire to keep yoga in my life daily.

Please keep the jump rope journal alive! Buy a rope, start jumping and post your pictures!

Just finding this blog today? Read the prologue for more details on what Living Chapters is all about.